What Once was
by BlueFox of the Moon
Summary: Haunting dreams. Buried Memories. A new exorist. So then why does Allen feel as if he knows this girl? If only he could remember... ::possible LaviOC::
1. Past Revived

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray Man or any of its characters, and I don't own any of the .hack songs. The only thing I own is this weird and random story, and my own characters.

::::::::  
D-Gray Man:  
What once Was  
The 1st night: Past Revived

_Sweet, blowing wind  
Singing down the hills and valleys_

'_That voice…'_

_Keep your eyes on me  
Now we're on the edge of hell_

'…_who is it?'_

_Dear my love, sweet morning light  
You've gone much farther…too far…_

'_I know I've heard it before…so where?'_

Allen looked around him. _'Where am I?'_ He blinked, then wandered around the small home. He knew had been here before…why couldn't he place his finger on it? He stopped when he saw a little girl wearing a black and white dress run by. _"Umm…excuse me…"_ He held out his hand to try and stop her, but gasped slightly as his hand went _through _her. Allen stood there a minute, the girl's footsteps getting farther and farther away. Only then he looked down at himself. His eyes widened when he realized that he was see-through.

'_I…I have to be dreaming…'_

He looked up, realizing that he wasn't where he was just a moment ago. There was a door in front of him, lined with decorative silver and gold lining, intricate design crawling across its dark, oak wood. It wasn't just any old door. That, he knew for sure.

On its own, his hand reached toward it, as if someone else was controlling it. He tried to pull it back, but the other force controlling his anti-akuma weapon hand was stronger. Bright light erupted from the now opened door, making Allen cover his eyes with his arms.

The next thing he knew, he was in the mountain side, overlooking a large, clear lake. His eyes widened slightly. _'I've…been here before…where…?'_

"Look, see? I told you, we'd get here!"

Allen looked to his right. A young girl, looking no older than the age of four, came up the mountain, a young boy beside her. The boy looked like he had just turned three. He had short, light brown hair, and brown eyes. The girl had dark brown hair, almost black, coming up to her shoulders, and dark eyes.

"Well? How do you like it?" the girl asked the boy, putting him up to her shoulders to give him a better look at the lake. "Isn't it like I told you?"

The younger child had a big smile on his face and nodded. "Uh-huh!" He pointed to the lake and looked down. "Swim, swim!" A laugh came from her lips.

"You know you can't swim yet."

Allen watched as the two headed towards the shore of the lake, and followed them. He watched as they played in the shallow water, both laughing and seeming to have the time of their lives. A smile appeared on his face, though he didn't know why.

All of a sudden, everything became still, the boy, the girl, even the soft waves that were being pushed by the wind stopped in their tracks. Allen blinked. _"What happened?"_

_Shine, bright morning light  
Now in the air the spring is coming_

Allen blinked. It was the same voice. He looked around, trying to find the source, but all around there was nothing but the lake and the mountainside.

'_Allen.'_

His eyes widened and looked around him once more. _"Who's there?"_

'_Allen…Allen…'_

"_Come out already!"_ he yelled out, his voice echoing around him.

'_Allen…Allen, wake up…'_

_Dear my love, sweet morning light  
Wait for me, you've gone much farther…_

He blinked. _"Wake…up?"_ Images flashed before him, starting with the two children playing, then back to the mountains, then to the door, then back to the first meeting of the girl. It was only now that he realized that that girl was the very same one who had taken the little boy to the lake. _"Who…?" _His eyes widened even more when the girl turned to look at him, her ocean orbs seeming to pierce through him.

…_too far…_

Her mouth opened, the voice of the singer calling, _"Allen…"_

Allen's eyes snapped open and he jolted upright, little beads of sweat showing across his face. _'What the…'_ He placed a hand onto his forehead. He felt a headache coming on.

"Allen, are you alright?"

Allen looked up, only to see Lenalee's worried face. He placed a smile on his lips and nodded. "Yup! Just a bit tired…."

"A bit?" Lenalee wasn't convinced. "You were groaning in your sleep, you looked like you were having a nightmare…"

Once again, Allen smiled at her. "It wasn't a nightmare--"

"Then what was it?"

Allen looked down, unsure of what to say. "It was….uhm…"

"Lenalee! Allen!"

Both teens jumped slightly at the booming voice. They turned and saw Reever at Allen's door, out of breath. "You-you have a new mi-mission…" he breathed out, before falling to the floor.

"Ah! Reever-san!" Both Lenalee and Allen went over to him, but as soon as they got to his side, he raised his head and said,

"Report to Head Officer Komui's office…he wants you to get there as soon as possible…I'll just sleep in your bed, Allen…" He rose like a zombie and seemingly floated to the bed, and immediately plopped himself down, falling asleep even before his head hit the pillow.

The two teens blinked, a sweat dropped forming on their heads before going to Komui's office. As soon as they entered his room, the usual cluttered papers greeted them, along with another exorcist's smiling face.

"L-Lavi? When did you get back?" Allen asked as he and Lenalee walked through the forest of papers. He had an even bigger smile on his face than either of them had ever seen before. It was kind of….creepy.

"Don't mind Lavi….he's just too happy about this next mission…" Komui's head appeared from the pile of messed up papers on his desk, a book or two plopped open on top of his dark hair. "Allen, you, Lenalee, and Lavi are going to go on a mission to Britain. There's been a fairly large amount of Akuma activity there the past few weeks. I want you three to go there and investigate, and to retrieve any innocence that may be involved."

"Komui!" Lavi interrupted. "Didn't you say that--?"

"Yes, yes, Lavi. Don't worry about it."

Lenalee and Allen looked at each other and blinked, not knowing what the other two were talking about. "Nii-san, what are you talking about?" she asked, her dark orbs blinking.

"Oh, that's right. There will be another exorcist accompanying you on this mission. You'll meet her when you meet the finder that will accompany you," Komui told them, just before a landslide of papers buried him.

Lavi laughed, took some papers off his desk, and headed out the room, a huge smile on his face. "Come on, you two! We don't have all day!" he cheered behind his shoulder before disappearing into the corridors.

"I wonder….why he's so worked up about this…" Allen said aloud. He jumped when another landslide of papers occurred, this time revealing a very dazed Komui. He raised his hand, his index finger pointing up in a matter-of-fact way, trying to look like he was perfectly fine.

"Lavi is just excited that he gets to see his partner again."

"Partner?"

"That's right. The exorcist you're working with is Lavi's partner, who he hasn't seen in about…six months." As soon as the last word escaped his mouth, Komui's head dropped to his desk, and was fast asleep.

Lenalee sighed and shook her head. "Nii-san will be out for a while, we should go now. Lavi's waiting for us after all." With a nod from Allen, the two of them followed Lavi's path down to the boats.

_If you are lost in your way  
Deep in an awesome story  
Don't be in doubt and stray  
Cling to your lonesome folly_

Allen stopped in his tracks, looking around. Lavi and Lenalee looked up at him from where they sat in the boat. "Allen?" Lenalee asked. "What's wrong?"

The silver-haired teen looked at his friends. "You…you guys don't hear that?"

_Now you're too close to the pain  
Let all the rain go further  
Come back and kiss me in vain  
Mother, oh do not bother_

The two looked at each other, blinked, then looked back up at him. "Allen…the only sounds are of the water. We don't hear anything…"

Allen's eyes narrowed, then got into the boat, behind Lenalee and Lavi. "Are you sure…?"

_Hear the chorus of pain  
Taking you back to proper ways  
It's so easy to find  
If you could remind me_

"Listen. Don't you hear it at all?"

The only responses he received were worried glances from the two of them. "Allen," Lenalee started, "are you sure you're up for this? I mean…it's like you're hearing things…" she stopped when she saw Allen's serious face. "Allen-kun…really, I don't hear anything. And neither does Lavi…"

Allen's silver-grey orbs looked down at the bottom of the boat. This song….it was so familiar, why couldn't he put his finger on it? He closed his eyes, letting the soft swaying of the boat calm his clouded mind.

_Now you are lost in your way  
Deep in an awesome story  
So I will find you again  
Kiss you for lonesome folly_

He knew one thing for sure. This voice….and the voice in his dream…were one in the same. _'I'll remember…one day…who this voice belongs to…'_

:::End 1st night:::

How was it? Isn't that good, but hey it's still in progress. Should I continue it and put it up here? Who knows…I could just keep the rest of it to myself, haha. Ja ne, minna

::BlueFox of the Moon


	2. Meeting

**(A/N)** Here's another chappie! Thanks for those who reviewed, you're all awesome! I really don't know if any of this really makes any sense…does it? And for those of you who are wondering….yes, there will be pairings in this story, but you'll just have to see who's with who. Though it's probably apparent after this chapter…Anyways, enough of my ramblings. Btw, I apologize ahead of time if the characters seem a bit too OOC.

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray Man, no matter how much I wish I did. All characters and story line completely belong to the wonderful Hoshino Katsura.

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D. Gray-Man: What once was

2nd Night: Meeting

She walked through the rainy streets, her ebony boots splashing in both small and large puddles alike. The rain didn't bother her at all–in fact, she loved it. Tilting her head back, she allowed the tears of heaven to softly pelt her pale skin, her hood falling back to reveal long, dark hair. Opening her azure orbs, they told nothing of what she felt, she had kept her true emotions to herself for so long; she wasn't going to start now…or was she? Looking ahead at the street before her, she couldn't help but feel uneasy in a way. Being here in the dark streets of London brought back memories, some that she wished she could forget. But she couldn't let those thoughts cloud her mind now, she had a mission to accomplish. She was a member of the Black Order, after all.

She stopped once more and looked at the little silver golem perched on her shoulder. It beat its small wings and fluttered in front of her face. "Go to the Finder and tell him to go on ahead without me. I'll be there as soon as I'm finished here." The golem flew off, just as shadows around the girl morphed and took form. A smirk played at her lips as she faced the Akuma, her right eye turning completely black, red lines forming its iris.

xxx

The Finder looked around. _'Where is she?'_ he wondered, then sighed. "Of all the times to be late…" he mumbled. He looked back up, then stumbled backwards as a silver golem appeared right in front of his face. "Hm?" he blinked. "Aren't you…?" He stopped as the golem relayed the message to him. "Very well, then."

xxx

Allen blinked at the papers in his hands. "It's going to take….two days to get to England?" he asked aloud. He glanced over at Lavi, who looked annoyed. "Lavi?"

The red-head merely grumbled an answer and continued to look at the papers. "The reports of the Akuma appearing started coming in three weeks ago. Bristol, Britain. It's not a very common place for Akuma to start attacking, is it?" He looked over at the two opposite him. Lenalee looked like she was closely studying what they had to do, while Allen looked as confused as ever. It made him chuckle a bit.

Allen raised his head, looking at the carriage's ceiling. "When are we getting to the train stop?" he asked.

"Not that much further, since we're already here," Lenalee answered, looking out the window.

Immediately, the smile that was on Lavi's face earlier reappeared, and he practically jumped out the carriage. Allen and Lenalee scrambled after him. "Why is he so worked up?" Allen wondered. "I mean…I know he must be happy to see his partner again, but still…"

"Haven't seen Lavi this excited before?" Lenalee asked. She received a nod as an answer, which only made her laugh a bit. "You'll see why soon."

Lavi ran ahead and almost immediately found the Finder, who bowed when he approached him. "My name is Dill," the Finder said. "I'll be accompanying you on this mission." He rose and saw Lenalee and Allen coming up behind Lavi. "Three exorcists, huh? Very well. Come," he said, and turned around. "The train is about to leave."

"Ch-choto mate**(1)**," Lavi told him, holding his hand out to stop the finder. "Isn't there supposed to be another exorcist coming?"

"She'll be joining us later. She had a few things to finish." He reached into his pocket and brought out the small silver golem, who started fluttering around each of their heads, before coming to rest on Lavi's, content with curling up into a ball upon his red hair. "She sent her golem to me with a message. She said to go on ahead. Now, come, we really have to go."

Allen and Lenalee both laughed slightly at the sight of the golem on Lavi's head. "It's like Timcanpy," Allen commented at the small golem, who actually did look exactly like Timcanpy (except for the fact that it was silver), and Lenalee nodded. "Lavi looks like he's already used to him, being there on his head." He smiled and noticed Lenalee's face. Turning to her, he asked her what was on her mind. The latter merely shook her head and smiled at him, running to catch up to Dill and Lavi, leaving a confused Allen to follow her.

::::Later::::

Lavi's green orb scanned the two younger exorcists in front of him, both of whom were sleeping, Lenalee's head against Allen's shoulder, the latter's head on top of hers. A smile played at his lips as a thought came to him, _'They look cute together.'_ His eyes wandered away from the two and came to rest the window, the scenery going by as a blur. _'Why weren't you here?'_ he wondered. _'Komui said that you would meet us…did something happen? No…you couldn't get hurt that easily.'_ A slightly movement on top of his head disrupted his thoughts as he tried to get a good look at the sleeping golem. It shifted slightly, to get into a more comfortable position, then just went back to sleep, as if it hadn't even moved, curled up on Lavi's hair. It brought the smile that was only tugging at his lips out onto full view, and he even had to hold in a laugh. "Yuki…haven't changed at all this entire time, huh?" The silver golem, Yuki, merely snuggled itself more onto his hair as its reply.

All of a sudden, the entire train shook violently. Allen and Lenalee immediately woke up. "What's happening!?" Allen's answer came to him by the screams that echoed throughout the entire train. In a single, swift motion, the three exorcists jumped out of their private compartment and was immediately greeted by an Akuma, level 2, who held a frightened looking Finder by his collar. At the sight, Allen's anger flared, much faster than Lenalee or Lavi's. In a flash, he invoked his innocence and was about to attack the Akuma, but by that time, Dill was no longer in its grasp, not to mention a large portion of its arm.

The Akuma screamed, holding whatever was left of its left arm. _"Exorcist!!"_ it screamed. Allen, Lenalee, and Lavi (who had both invoked their innocence) all blinked. Lavi turned to Allen, who looked as dumbstruck as he and Lenalee.

"Allen…you aren't that fast, are you…?" he inquired. The boy mentioned shook his head slowly. They were brought back to attention when the Akuma reared its good arm back, ready to attack, if not the fact that as soon as it did, that arm too was cut off. It shrieked once more, flinging both useless clumps of so called arms in circles, leaving the exorcists confused.

"Damn Akuma...running away from me, just to come to a train where you'd be killed off anyway…"

A voice from above lingered of annoyance and anger, reminiscent of Kanda's,except of the fact that the voice was female.

Lavi's head shot up to the opening of the wrecked train car, to see Dill leaning, almost unconscious, on another exorcist. She wore the black coat embroidered with the gold rose cross, her uniform made to suit her and her alone, just like the others. Her long black hair was shown, her hood was down, and her eyes showed nothing but anger toward the Akuma, even if her right eye was completely black, its iris formed by lines the color of blood. A scowl was set upon her natural ruby lips. Her right arm was covered in both black and white steel-looking armor, ending in a large claw like weapon, a glowing green cross upon the back of her 'hand.'

"Hana-chan!**(2)**"

The girl's eyes (eye?) merely glanced over at the one who called her by that nickname before jumping down the roof, slicing the Akuma in half with ease. A level two Akuma, with ease. "Cleanse this pitiful Akuma's soul."

Lenalee and Allen could only watch as she did so. A level two Akuma was hard enough for them to beat with two exorcists but she had done it alone. Who was she, exactly?, was the thought going through the silver-haired exorcist's mind. The eighteen year old, however, didn't seem at all surprised by her strength. He leaped over to her and had to refrain himself from hugging her, it seemed, because of the Finder leaning across her arm. "Hana-chan, Hana-chan, Hana-chan, it's really you!!"

The girl deemed 'Hana-chan' merely blinked at Lavi, a look almost of annoyance upon her cream pale face, her eyes both back to normal. "Lavi…" she began. She, Allen, and Lenalee all sweat dropped at Lavi's reaction. She shook her head and set the Finder down on an undestroyed seat of the car. "Don't call me that."

Naturally, the train had stopped when the Akuma had attacked and the conductor had tried his best to keep the many passengers to calm themselves down. Of course, many of them didn't even bother to listen and screamed and panicked anyway. It was then that they realized exorcists were on the train and when they saw that the 'monster' had been destroyed, they went back to their compartments and waited as the conductor and some staff went to investigate the damage. Figures.

"Phew…" Allen sighed, as he, Lenalee, and Lavi went back to their private car. "I swear, people seem to get scared more and more when Akuma show up…"

A giggle escaped Lenalee's lips. "Yeah, but that's only a natural thing to react to, isn't it?" She looked around the car. "Lavi, where's–?"

Said teen was already up and heading toward the door before she even finished her question. He went out and started looking for his partner, whom he thought for sure he knew where she was. Lenalee and Allen could only follow him. They entered the wrecked car in which the Akuma attacked first and found who they were looking for, her innocence invoked. This time, however, both her arms were covered in the armor of her anti-akuma weapon, her azure orbs locked in concentration. Her head turned to look at them, then went back to the nearly repaired car wall. The staff in the car with her were open-mouthed and astonished. Apparently she had repaired the car by herself and had only this small part of the wall to go.

"Amazing. Simply amazing," they all heard the conductor murmur. If she had heard, the new exorcist didn't seem to show it. Instead, when the walls were perfectly aligned with each other, she did what she had done with the other parts of the car. Using a clawed finger she tracked the crack of the wall, humming a soft tune, barely audible, and as her finger slid down, the metal following repaired itself.

"There. Now we can get going, right?" She turned to asked the conductor, who just nodded quickly and left, along with his staff, to allow the train to move once more. She released her innocence and her arms became normal once again, though now clearly showing were the cross shaped emblems embedded onto both her hands. She pulled her gloves on, covering the crosses.

As soon as she turned to look at her fellow exorcists, she was greeted with a hug from her partner. "L-Lavi?" She blinked as Yuki flew around her head, palpably as happy with her return as the red headed boy.

"It really _**is**_ you!!" he chirped and continued to hug her, though to both Allen and Lenalee, the latter didn't seem like she enjoyed it. Either way, Lavi let go of her after a few seconds and stood aside, letting the younger teens take a good look at their teammate. "You guys, this is who Komui was talking about earlier."

She took a step forward and extended a hand. "My name is Karen. Yoroshiku.**(3)**"

:::End 2nd Night::::

How was it? Wasn't that good, in my eyes. Some little side notes here:

**(1): **Choto mate- wait a minute

**(2): **Hana-chan- meaning "flower-chan", Lavi used it as a nickname, playing with Karen's name, since "Karen" could also mean "flower"

**(3): **Yoroshiku- nice to meet you

So yup, that's about it. Should Yuki be considered a boy or a girl, since Timcanpy is pretty much a boy…please tell me what you think. RR!

BlueFox


	3. Memories and a Song

**(A/N)** And here we go again… enjoy :p Some fluff in here…and again, sorry if they're OOC

**Disclaimer**: I don't DGM or .hack//sign songs

* * *

What Once was  
3rd Night: Memories and a Song

"Lavi…" her voice held a warning tone, an anger mark clearly shown atop her temple. Her eyes were closed, trying to suppress the incredible urge to punch her partner square in the face. Whenever her eyes were closed, she could feel herself calm down, as if the darkness calmed her very nerves. But not this time. "Quit it already!!" she nearly yelled, grabbing Lavi's coat collar, bring him closer to her angered face. But the only response she got from her ever smiling partner was his usual smile, if not a bit wider than usual, now that she was there.

The entire time, ever since she had repaired the car and the train started moving again, Lavi would not shut up. Being his usual, talkative self, he let his tongue roll out stories and his adventures during the time of her absence and even of times before he had even met her. Entertaining as his stories ever were, both Lenalee and Allen fell asleep soon enough, once again sleeping on each other's shoulders. Karen had to make sure not to make too much noise as she was choking him. But then again, she missed how things used to be, when she and Lavi would always be partnered together on missions, when Lavi would run off his tongue and in the end, she would end up choking him in order to make him stop. It's been a month or so since she had last seen him and, even though she really didn't show it, she really was happy to see him again. Her partner and wonderful friend, a bookman in training. No one could ever replace him, that red headed boy.

After a while, Lavi slumped on his chair, suddenly looking as if he hadn't slept in days. He had bugs under his eyes and he kept nodding off to sleep, though he snapped out of it right away, only to have his head nod once more. "Lavi," Karen's voice was soft this time as she said his name, "go to sleep. I can keep watch if anything goes wrong…" Lavi just smiled at her, his ever brightening smile that seemed to never leave his face.

"Nah, it's fine. I can stay awake, no problem!"

Of course, there was no way that she could believe him. As soon as those words left his mouth, he nearly dozed off once more, nearly hitting his head on the window pane as he snapped his head upright again. She sighed and placed a hand on the side of his head, gently pushing his head back against the cushioned seat. "Go to sleep."

For once, Lavi seemed to listen to someone. He closed his eyes and seemed to drift into unconsciousness right away, but not before he leaned over and rested his head upon a certain exorcist's shoulder. "Hana-chan…sing me a song…"

His request made her eyes widen a bit, the question completely unexpected. "A-a song?"

Lavi nodded, his head never leaving its comfortable position. "Yeah…"

She sighed and couldn't help but smile a little. "All right…what song would you like to hear?"

"The one…that you used to sing when we were on missions…the sad sounding one…"

"'Sad sounding'?"

Once again, Lavi nodded. "The one…that you said you had sung to someone…when you were younger…about being lost…"

The previous smile widened and it looked like it was the first she had smiled in a while. "You always want to hear that one, don't you, Lavi?"

She received a nod as an answer. Still smiling, she allowed herself to lean back on the chair, giving Lavi a more comfortable position, and closed her eyes. A second later, she opened them once more, along with lyrics voiced from the past.

_If you are lost in your way  
Deep in an awesome story  
Don't be in doubt and stray  
Cling to your lonesome folly_

If anyone was within that train car that night, at that very moment, there was no possible way to express what they could hear, coming from this girl. A soft, melancholy melody, full of pain and sadness, yet so full of hope and meaning as well. Truly, the voice of an _angel._

_Now you're too close to the pain  
Let all the rain go further  
Come back and kiss me in vain  
Mother oh do not bother_

Her azure orbs flew from the male sleeping on her shoulder, to the girl directly in front of her, and finally came to rest upon the boy who she had thought would never see again. The boy who was cursed by his own beloved adoptive father. _'Allen…Walker…'_

_Hear the chorus of pain  
Taking you back to proper ways  
It's so easy to find  
If you could remind me_

It was only now that she remembered why she even made this song. Why this song gave her both a sense of sadness, and warmth. And so the memories came flooding back, but that did not deter her from her song. After all, Lavi was the one who wanted to hear it.

_Now you are lost in your way  
Deep in an awesome story  
So I will find you again  
Kiss you for lonesome folly_

As the words came out of her mouth, a realization also came. It brought with it tears that threatened to fall, though, thinking that crying because of such a silly thing was pointless, did not allow a single tear to comply to its wishes. Nor did she allow it to stop her. She sang upon Lavi's request, but now she also sang because of a memory. A memory that she knew _he_ would not remember. At least, so she thought.

_If you are lost in your way  
Deep in an awesome story_

Allen shifted slightly, though not enough to be noticed by anyone else. He heard a haunting voice, full of pain and sadness, but there was something there as well, something that he couldn't put his finger on. He _knew_ this voice.

_Don't be in doubt and stray  
Cling to your lonesome folly_

Warmth filled him, warmth like he hadn't felt before. No. He had felt this before, a long time ago. He opened his eyes slightly, only to realize that he wasn't in the train anymore. Lenalee, Lavi, and not even Karen were around him. He lay on an old, soft cotton bed, the room in which he was in bare save the bed, a desk and chair, and a single stuffed animal next to the pillow. It was of a small, brown teddy bear. Allen stared at it for a while, its simple presence seeming to awake something in him.

_Now you're too close to the pain  
Let all the rain go further_

He looked up, it was the same voice from this morning. _'And in my other dream…'_ he thought to himself, getting out of bed. As before, when he looked at himself, he was see-through, though this time he seemed even more transparent than before. Hearing the song once again took his mind away from his inability to see himself solid, and went in search of the singer. He knew that he had heard this song. He knew heard this voice. Why couldn't he remember?

_Come back and kiss me in vain  
Mother oh do not bother_

_Hear the chorus of pain  
Taking you back to proper ways_

He searched through every room of the seemingly small house, though after searching countless empty rooms, it was like the house was a ragged mansion, unwanted and deserted by many. But still, he knew that the person who held this voice was here, he just knew it. Finally, the song increased in volume. Turning his head to try to pinpoint the source, it lead him to another room, farther away from the others. It was the last room in the seemingly never ending hallway. Carefully, cautiously, though he knew not why, he made his way to the door, the song becoming louder and louder with each of his muffled steps.

_It's so easy to find  
If you could remind me_

He stopped at the entrance. He expected the door to be closed, but instead it was wide-open, as if the people inside were expecting him. Throwing away all pre-caution and better knowledge, Allen stepped through the door, only to have the entire setting change right before him. He was no longer in a dusty small room, where even the smallest particles of dust could be seen. No, he was in a much clearer room now, warm rays of the sun shining down through the clear windows. But the song was still in the air, as mysterious as it ever was. And near the wall, were two children: one boy, one girl. She held him in her lap, and the younger boy seemed to be asleep, his chestnut colored hair looking almost blonde in the light.

_Now you are lost in your way  
Deep in an awesome story_

The girl turned her head, the song illuminating from her voice, toward Allen, those striking eyes made him take a step back. It was the same girl as before. Those dark eyes of hers never left Allen, even as she stopped moving her mouth, the song still echoing throughout the room.

_So I will find you again  
Kiss you for lonesome folly_

Allen watched, to his surprise, the girl smile at him and continued to watch as she turned her attention back to the boy who he thought had been sleeping. In actually, he was crying, clinging to her with his small little hands._ "Whenever you're lost…I'll come find you again…I promise you…"_ Her head once more looked up at him, her eyes changing to a piercing azure blue._ "Allen."_

::::End 3rd Night:::


	4. Unrequited

**(A/N):** I've been updating this pretty fast lately…I've just noticed that . And that the plot isn't really…showing. Oh well. It'll get interesting pretty much after this chapter. I hope. Thanks to my friend, Moyashi, for actually giving me the ideas for some of these really weird moments in this chapter. It was his idea that this one should be more fluff…actually they're basically his…. But anyways…enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own DGM or any of its characters.

* * *

What once was  
4th night: Unrequited

Allen's eyes snapped open and had to keep himself from waking Lenalee, who was still asleep upon his shoulder. _'What…was that dream?'_ he wondered. He looked directly ahead of him and saw that Lavi was still asleep as well, but the one next to him wasn't.

"You're awake?" Karen made it seem more like a statement than an answer. "You seemed like you were having a dream or something…you kept on saying things in your sleep."

Allen blinked and turned his full attention on her, the girl who he felt that he knew, but didn't know at all. "I was…?"

The seventeen-year old nodded slightly and looked over the boy. A soft smile appeared, and for some reason, it didn't seem to fit her personality, considering what Allen had seen during the fight with the Akuma. Her eyes had been cold back then, emotionless, almost like the eyes of a murderer. But now, as she sat in front of him, smiling that pleasant smile, he couldn't felt but feel that she was not all what she appeared to be. That smile that reminded him so much of his own; it was like she smiled even when she didn't feel like it. Was she smiling because she actually wanted to smile, or was there another reason? To smile when you're hurting, to smile so as to not worry anyone around you, to smile even if it tears you apart. That's the feeling Allen received from the seemingly warm smile emitted from his new comrade. He knew, immediately, that this girl in front of him was someone that housed a past similar to his own, though he didn't know how he knew.

"Allen?"

He blinked, not noticing that he had drifted off into his own thoughts. He smiled at her in apology, not realizing that he had given her the same feeling that she had just given him. "Sorry…did you say something?" he asked.

Once again that placid smile appeared, and she tilted her head slightly, to get a better look at him. "Why don't you go back to sleep, Allen? You look tired," she told him.

"It's fine…besides, you already stayed up­­--"

"Daijoubu**(1),**" she assured him. "Now go back to sleep. We still have another day on this train…" With a small smile and the closing of his eyes, Allen was back asleep before five minutes had even passed, his head gingerly laying against Lenalee's. It brought a sincere smile to her ruby lips and she settled back down into her own seat, making sure not to awaken Lavi. She paused for a moment, looking at him, and relaxed herself, the red-headed boy's presence seeming to give her that calming feeling right after anxiety occurs. It was strange, of course. Ever since she had joined the order years ago, Lavi had somehow always been by her side, whether she wanted him there or not. After a while, she began to grow comfortable around him, and even around his ever scowling friend, Kanda. She closed her eyes, reminiscing about the so-called good old days.

Her azure orbs opened in surprise as she felt two strong arms surround her build, holding her in a tight embrace. She looked at the owner's face, her own feeling a slight burning sensation. "Lavi…" He hadn't truly moved from his spot beside her, just that his arms were securely around his friend, his head still resting at the base of her neck and shoulder, right where the two connected. "Hana-chan…okairi**(2)**…I missed you…" he murmured, barely loud enough to be audible, though Karen had caught every word. The light blush on her face intensified another shade. A small, almost content smile appeared on her face and stayed there, allowing the bookman-in-training to hold onto "his flower."

A few hours passed, all four exorcists sound asleep, each with their own thoughts and dreams. The scenery passing by didn't change at all since the last one of them looked out. All around them were greenery: grass, shrubs, bushes and trees, rivers and lakes, wildlife allowing a rare view of themselves before blundering away to the safety of their homes. The soft vibrating rumble of the train allowed a comfortable sleep, undisturbed by useless clanks and noises.

It was only then that Lavi opened his eyes, slowly at first, but nonetheless opened them. At first he didn't realize where he was, but then as his eye got focused, it widened as he saw where his arms were. He was about to pull away from her, but when he saw her contented face, he just couldn't do it. Instead he pulled her closer to him, his face against the side of hers, taking in her scent, as if she truly was a flower like he called her. He closed his eyes for a while, just enjoying this moment, for when she woke up, this moment between them never happened. His smile wavered a bit. _'Karen is only annoyed by me…I'm nothing in her eyes…'_ Lavi shook his head and placed his ever famous smile back on his face. _'That doesn't matter,'_ he thought to himself, _'As long as she doesn't hate me, whatever she thinks of me is fine.'_

But he knew he was just lying to himself and a forlorn expression replaced the smile. He held her closer to him, just for a moment longer. He would never be anything to her, nothing more than a friend, an annoying person who never knew how to shut up. But still, he couldn't control what he felt, not anymore. It hurt. Why? A bookman was just supposed to keep records of events that "never happened". Do not laugh. Laughter is an expression of happiness-a foreign thing. Do not cry. Tears are proof of weakness. Do not fall in love. Do not pollute yourself with such a delusion. Simply record. Rules of the Bookman. But how could he follow such idiotic and pointless rules? Is this why it hurt so much?

Lavi, who was so deep in thought, didn't notice the way Karen had unconsciously reacted to his behavior. When he held her closer, she leaned against him, though of course she knew not what her body had done. It was a reaction, just something that comes naturally when something happens.

A slight shift in movement caught the eighteen-year-old's eye. He glanced over at Allen and Lenalee and an smirk came to his lips, an ingenious plan forming in that mind of his. He debated for a while, wondering whether or not to get up from his comfortable position but in the end, the joker within him won out. Slowly he rose, gently placing Karen against the seat. It was then that he started searching through his ridiculously long coat pockets. _'A whole bus could fit in there!' _he heard Karen's voice saying. A smile tugged at his lips as he remembered the memory, continuing to search for that elusive little thing.

"Lavi? What are you doing…?"

Lavi turned to see Karen's eyes looking at him curiously. Apparently she wasn't as asleep as he thought. A slight blush came at the moment of that realization, of how close he held her…he turned away, not wanting to see the pure _innocence_ her eyes held--the innocence that never revealed themselves on a mission or in a battle. "Noooothing…" he said, turning his head back to her, a smile concealing his embarrassment. Somehow, at the back of his mind, he knew that she could see through him. Those eyes of hers seemingly saw through everything. They saw through both him and Kanda, even when they barely knew her.

It's a talent, a natural gift, that she possessed. To be able to see through the walls that many have built around their hearts and souls and break them down, not destructively, but in a calming, soothing way. Neither Lavi nor Kanda had even realized that she had broken through, she just…._did._ This girl, who seemed to smile at every little thing, broke through the one thing that kept everyone believing something else. That very same girl, whose eyes were the color of the ocean, became someone entirely different when facing an Akuma. Those azure orbs turned steely, and cold, even rivaling the cold glare of Kanda's. And yet, both seemingly different sets of eyes belonged to a single person: the girl who sat right next to him, whose curiosity was shown now, in those shining ocean orbs.

"Seriously, I'm not doing _anything_," he told her, still continuing to search his pockets. Karen cocked her head to the side slightly, blinking.

"What are you looking for?" she asked him. He gave her a grin as an answer and that grin widened as he finally found what he was looking for. His grin became bigger as he pulled out a small black golem. Without another thought, the redhead tucked the wings back so that only the 'eye' of the golem was in front.

"Johnny showed me how to do this. It's like a camera." He nudged his head toward the still sleeping exorcists and put the make shift camera in Karen's hands. Carefully, so as to not make a sound, he went over to Lenalee and Allen.

He gently moved Allen more onto his right side, making sure he didn't fall. Next he did the same to Lenalee, only he moved her more onto her left, her head just underneath Allen's chin. Taking Allen's wrist in one hand and Lenalee's in the other, he placed their arms around each other, loosely, but still securely enough to make sure they didn't slip and wake the younger teens. He tried so hard not to laugh at the sight. Lenalee was basically on Allen's lap, her head resting upon his chest, both their arms around each other. And to top it all off, they were still sound asleep…in each other's arms.

Karen blinked, and put a hand up to her mouth, trying to muffle the little bursts of laughter that were threatening to erupt. She got Lavi's idea now; she held up the camera and waited until Lavi was out of the way. Then she took a picture. Identical grins were on the older teens faces, then Lavi took the camera from Karen. He went closer to them and squatted. Karen blinked once more. What was he doing?

"AKUMA!!" Lavi yelled.

Immediately, Lenalee and Allen's eyes snapped open and were greeted by a flash of light, making them temporarily blind. Karen got her answer, and now she couldn't stop laughing; she was in her seat, holding her sides. Allen blinked, his vision coming back to him. Then he realized his …position. "L-Lenalee…"

Lenalee looked at him, then realized it as well. Blushing madly, she jumped out of his lap and glared at the red-headed exorcist doubling over in laughter. "Lavi!!" she screamed. Said boy gulped and immediately ran out of the compartment car, a very pissed Lenalee chasing after him.

_Moments like these are to be cherished while they are still able to laugh, to scream, to run, to be alive._

Taking shelter within the only place possible, the boy's bathroom, Lavi could only laugh nervously as Lenalee shouted threats through the door. He couldn't believe they didn't wake up from that and snickered at the many possibilities of what he could do with the picture.

_Moments to cherish, to fill whatever remaining time they have with companionship and love._

Karen and Allen continued to laugh as they heard the shouts and pounding and continued to laugh even as Lenalee burst through the door and dragged a still laughing Allen out the door, leaving Karen alone.

Only after making sure that they were far away did she stop laughing, the cheerful smile that was upon her face gone, replaced by a small, sad smile. The smile widened ever so slightly as the shouts and pounding softly came through the wall, as if everything was just someone else's problem, not her own. "You've grown so much…" she murmured, her deep azure orbs blank and distant, that sad smile still upon her face.

"_Even if you don't remember me anymore…"_

:::End 4th Night:::

Duuuude o.o what happened to my chap 4?! It was so messed up...I rewrote what I could remember of it, so it's not perfect but whatever.


	5. Silent Pain

**(A/N):** Weee new chap! And again…thank you Moyashi-kun for the ideas

Moyashi1135: Im not a bean sprout!

BlueFox: Hehehehe…

**Disclaimer:** Again? I don't own DGM no matter how much I want to

* * *

What once was  
5th Night: Silent Pain

"Here we are."

Allen, Lenalee, Lavi, and Karen all looked up, their mouths open slightly. In front of them stood a grand glamour of a mansion, its walls still looking tall and firm, almost none of its ashen paint peeling off. Wooden frames fitted its many windows perfectly, their soft satin window sheets blowing slightly in the soft breeze.

"We're staying…here!?" nearly all of them yelled, surprise lacing their voices. Dill chuckled and nodded.

"It's better than the accommodation Komui-san previously had beforehand, but because of a friend you're all able to stay here in his hotel."

Allen looked over at him. "A friend?"

"That's correct." The exorcists and the Finder turned to see a man probably not that much older then twenty-one. He had glamorous clothes on, those worn by the aristocracy, his white gloves in deep contrast to the rest of the black attire. His dark hair, which came up to nape of his neck, was kept neatly out of his face and his dark green eyes radiated kindness towards the people in front of him. "Well, well, it's been a while, Miss Karen," he said with a smile. He saw the said girl's friends look at her curiously and he chuckled a bit, coming towards them. "My name is Shawn Valentine, it's a pleasure to meet you all." The next thing he did, though, surprised everyone, especially the eldest exorcist. Shawn took Karen's hand in one of his and, bowing slightly, gently placed a kiss upon her gloved hand. "A pleasure to be able to meet you once again."

Immediately, an angered -or jealous?- vein popped out of Lavi's head but was surprisingly able to keep himself from taking his hammer and bashing the older man into the ground. "An…acquaintance of yours, Hana-chan?" he asked her, his outer voice betraying what his inner voice was yelling toward the new comer.

Karen sighed and shook her head, taking her hand back from the aristocrat. "And you haven't changed at all, Monsieur Shawn…" her voice sounded like she was already annoyed by the man. She turned her head toward Lavi, giving him a smile that calmed him down more than he allowed any to see. "I had a mission here before and I met Shawn because of it. He helped me a bit when I got hurt." At that, it was apparent that Shawn Valentine was approved by both Allen and Lenalee, and also seemed to be by Lavi, but not completely.

"Come now," Shawn said, "I'll give you a tour of the place."

The entire home seemed even bigger on the inside than it did from the outside, or so thought Allen and Lenalee. There were at least six rooms and just as many restrooms. Still, the only rooms that had any furniture or beds in them were the two master bedrooms and the rooms adjacent to theirs. The masters each had a king-sized bed, though they both seemed much larger than a king. The smaller rooms had at least queen-sized beds, if not a bit bigger. Each of the four rooms had a dresser complete with a mirror and drawers. The curtains covering the windows were same luscious shade of crimson satin that they had seen from outside. It was all a bit too…much, for any of the exorcist's taste.

"Monsieur Shawn…" Karen started, "you know you didn't have to go through all the trouble of letting us use this place, you know--"

"But it's not a problem at all, Miss. For you and your friends, your Order, nothing is any trouble at all," he interrupted, that same pleasant smile on his face. It was funny how each exorcist had a different perception of the man and that smile of his, and a different expression to show it. "There's plenty of room in each of the master suites for all of you to stay in, if you don't mind sharing a bed with someone. But if not, each room is exactly like the master's, just a tad bit smaller. There's food in the kitchen, working showers…" he went on and on and on.

"Geez…this guy's worse than me!" Lavi muttered under his breath. He felt a pang at his side as Lenalee elbowed him, giving him a look that said he was being rude…or at least he was showing that he was. The redhead gave her a sheepish grin and nodded, silently telling her that he'd stop.

"Shawn."

Everyone stopped and turned to the speaker. Karen once again had that look of annoyance on her face, though her voice didn't sound rude or annoyed at all. "We didn't come here on a vacation. We have a mission to do, so if you don't mind…we'll be going. We'll come back later." Without another word, she turned and left.

"O-oi! Matte!!**(1)**" Lavi went out after her, quickly followed by Allen and Lenalee, leaving Dill and, a very lost, Shawn, behind.

:::in town:::

"It would be better if we all split up," Lenalee was saying, looking at a map. "We could cover more ground that way." She looked up. "Actually, going in pairs is better…"

After briefly talking about where each pair was supposed to cover what part of the city, they went their separate ways: Allen and Lenalee, Karen and Lavi. The first pair was supposed to cover the north and eastern parts of town while the other was to cover the south and west. "Meet at the Clifton Suspension Bridge at 5 pm, no matter what you find or not. Okay?" And with that, they went their separate ways.

xxx

It had been four hours. Four hours of wandering the city, asking, listening, watching. Four hours of seeing nothing but the usual antics of the city's people, no Innocence in sight, not even an Akuma was visible to Allen's eye. No one they had asked saw anything out of the ordinary for the past few days, except for the occasional strange sounds in the dead of night. It seemed like they were going on a wild goose chase. Eventually, they stopped for a rest, Lenalee pouting as they did so. "This is weird…it's like no one knows about the Akuma attacks…" she mumbled, then sighed. "What's going on…?" She looked over at Allen, who was staring up at the sky. "Allen?"

The silver haired boy turned to her and smiled. "Hm? Oh…it's nothing to worry about. I'm sure people just don't know what to say, or they're afraid if they say something then the Akuma will get them.." Lenalee smiled at him and nodded, her dark hair bouncing.

"Yeah, that's it. By the way, Allen…what whatever happened to that picture Lavi took on the train? You got rid of it, didn't you…?" Allen opened his mouth to answer, only to have him yelp as the building they sat in front of collapsed.

Screams of the people echoed throughout the alleys and stores, everyone running for their lives away from the three Akuma. Immediately the two evoked their innocence and attack the level twos.

If there was ever a one-sided battle, this was it. The three Akuma specialized in close range attack, long range, and ultimate defense, respectively: the toughest combination to defeat in any form of battle. Their combination was exponential. Every time either Lenalee or Allen attacked one, the defense would block while the close range Akuma would attack the rebounding exorcists. They couldn't even get to any of the Akuma while they had their main defense defending them. Allen had tried long range attacks, but that too was deflected, and had received an attack from the long ranged Akuma, the same going for Lenalee. Soon, the exorcists were out of breath, backed into a wall that overshadowed them like a curtain, all three Akuma advancing towards them.

"What…what now?" Lenalee panted. Her legs shook as she stood, her breath coming in short gasps. Allen held his left limb, like it was paralyzed.

"I don't know.." Allen confessed. "I can't…I can't move my arm…" It was then that they heard the Akuma laughing.

"_Exorcist, exorcist. Oh, how pitiful you both look. God's chosen apostles? Hah! Don't make us laugh…"_ one of them taunted, the other two snickering. _"The earl will be very pleased with the skins of you two!"_ And with that, they charged. The said exorcists flinched, and shut their eyes, awaiting the impact--if it had ever come. Instead, they heard the Akuma scream in pain. Curious, they opened their eyes once more and gaped.

"Get the hell away from them."

Allen looked up. "Lavi! Karen!" However, the smile that was on his face wavered as he saw the murderous expression on Karen's face. Her eyes were the same as when they had first met her on the train. Cold, steely, unemotional. But if anything that surprised him more than that, was that her right eye looked exactly like his left.

'_She's…cursed…?'_

The older teens jumped down from the wall and immediately started attacking the Akuma. Lavi stood in front of Lenalee and Allen, giving them some time to recuperate while Karen went on offense. Once again, both her arms were covered with her anti-Akuma weapon as she attacked, breaking the shield of the Akuma who was defending the others in a few direct hits. Its scream echoed throughout the empty streets.

"Moyashi-kun," Lavi said, without towards him, blocking a bullet with his hammer, "Think ya can fight? It wouldn't be fair if Hana-chan had all the fun, now would it?"

Allen couldn't help but sigh. "It's Allen!" His arm twitched slightly and he evoked it one more. "Ready when you two are." With a nod from the girl and a grin from the older boy, the three of them attacked, the close range Akuma their target.

Lavi and Lenalee broke the Akuma's stance then Allen attacked, greatly injuring it. "Kuso**(2)**…this one's strong," Lavi growled before looking to where Karen was, who didn't even look like she was having much difficulty handling two Akuma. He laughed slightly. "That's Hana-chan for you…"

The younger exorcists followed his gaze, only to once again gape at what they saw. Lenalee's eyes were practically bulging out of her head, Allen's expression similar to hers. "How can she fight like that?" Lenalee voiced what the both of them were thinking, and only made Lavi laugh as he blocked another bullet from the Akuma. He opened his mouth as he was about to answer but a scream from the other's battle made whatever he was going to say die in his throat.

Her eyes were wide in surprise, blood slowly starting to drip from her mouth. Protruding from her stomach, stabbing her from the back, was an Akuma's claw. "H-how…" she gasped. _'How did I not see that…?!'_ Karen clenched her hands and evoked them again, grabbing onto Akuma's claw in front of her and pushing it out, pain erupting throughout her entire body while doing so. As soon as it was out of her, she turned and lashed out at the demon, destroying it immediately. "Cleanse this pitiful Akuma's soul."

"Karen!!"

She turned and saw the others coming towards her. "Watch out!" she yelled, seeing the Akuma they had been fighting coming towards them. Her attention was focused onto that Akuma that she had completely forgotten about the other Akuma she had been attacking.

"Karen, look out behind you!" Lavi yelled at her, turning around and attacking the akuma behind himself. He, Lenalee, and Allen all cleansed the akuma before turning back to Karen, who had just destroyed the last akuma.

"Karen!"

The seventeen year old looked up at them from where she sat, smiling. "Daijoubu, shinpai janai**(3)**" It hurt, to smile like that, but if she showed them how much she was in pain, then it would just cause them to worry, and so she put on that fake smile that had fooled so many in the past. To smile when you're in pain, just to make sure that no one would have to worry aimlessly about you, just so they won't worry. "There's an Innocence here, let's go." She stood up, ignoring the pain in her stomach, using that smile to conceal the pain from showing upon her pale face.

"How do you know there's an Innocence?" Allen asked her, both worried and curious about the girl in front of him. He just received another smile as an answer. It was one of the many smiles she possessed.

"The Akuma told me," she answered and started to walk away, her pace not even changing from her wound. "It's at the place where we were going to meet anyway. The Clifton Suspension Bridge."

xxx

As soon as they stepped within three kilometers of the bridge, the Akuma attacked--all around the exorcists, not leaving an opening for them to go back or go forward. Most of the Akuma were level one, though there was a good number of level two's to give them all a bit of trouble. It aggravated Karen to no end, seeing all these akuma in a single place. Immediately, she started attacking them, making a way for the others to go on ahead. Surprisingly enough, they all fell fairly easily, both levels alike. "Get the innocence!" she yelled at the others. Lenalee and Allen complied easily enough, though Lavi stayed behind and helped her.

:::Later:::

Shawn sighed as he and Dill set up the table, preparing dinner for the return of the exorcists. "They've been gone an awfully long time," he whined, gaining a chuckle from the Finder. "I wonder if Miss Karen and the others are all right. What if they're hurt?" Dill erupted in laughter at the expression the aristocrat wore.

"You shouldn't worry about those four. If they're hurt they'll somehow make it back here in one piece, many exorcists--" his sentence was cut short as the entrance burst open. The two looked back, only to meet the gaze of the people they were just talking about, the innocence in Lenalee's hands.

"M-Miss Karen! You're hurt!" Shawn exclaimed, then saw the wounds on the others. "You all are! Come, come, we have to get you medical aid as soon as possible!"

Karen sighed and turned towards the staircase, heading toward her room. "Just take care of everyone else, I'm fine." And without a word or argument from anyone, she went upstairs, everyone's gaze following.

Dill sighed, shaking his head, before rummaging through his large pack, taking out a medical kit. "There's no getting through to her when she's like this…Allen-dono, Lenalee-dono, Lavi-dono, please come here. Lenalee-dono, give me that Innocence."

After everyone got their wounds bandaged up, and upon the arrival of Karen (who had changed her bloodied clothes), dinner was served. Allen stuffed his plate and his stomach just like he had done within the Black Order, after Shawn had insisted that everyone eat as much as they would like. Lenalee sweat dropped as she watched him and held restraint, out of respect, and also because she wasn't a parasitic type like Allen. She knew she was a parasitic type, so the younger girl was surprised to see that she wasn't eating nearly as much as she usually would have been. Apparently Lavi noticed it as well, worry etched in his green orbs. However, no one said a word about it, nor to Karen, who once again had that pseudo smile on her face as soon as she realized they were looking at her worriedly. _'Why won't she open up to us?'_ Lenalee thought to herself as she continued to eat. _'Doesn't she trust us?'_

Karen stood up abruptly, startling everyone at the table. "Excuse me. I'm heading off to bed now." She turned and headed toward the stairway.

"Wait a minute, Miss Karen," Shawn called and caught up to her, who had turned, blinking. He took her hand in his and placed his lips against her glove, the same kiss as when the other exorcists had first met him. "Oyasumi nasai**(4)**, Miss Karen." And just as before, Lavi's anger flared, though now it looked more like the jealously it really was.

Karen pulled her hand back and headed upstairs. "Good night."

Lavi stood up. "I'm heading off too, thanks for the dinner!" he said cheerfully, completely hiding his jealously with his cheery composition. "Hana-chan, wait for me!" Karen stopped and wait, but didn't have to wait long, Lavi was by her side in a matter of seconds and they both disappeared at the top of the staircase.

"What's wrong, Lavi?" Karen asked her partner, who had been glancing over his shoulder the entire time since they left the table. He turned to look at her, his ever cheery smile on his face.

"It's nothing, Hana-chan."

'_I swear, if that guy kisses her hand one more time, I am gonna pound his face into the dirt!'_ He thought angrily. _'If he thinks I'm just gonna stand by while he tries to flirt with her, he's got another thing comin'…'_ he growled mentally, but kept his smile on his face as he escorted "his flower" to her room.

"You didn't need to come with me, Lavi, I would've been fine," she told him, a small smile on her face. It was meant for Lavi to disperse any worried feelings he had, but it did just the opposite. As soon as he laid eyes upon that smile of hers, his expression completely changed.

"Hana-chan…are you sure you're alright?" he asked, concern written all over his face.

She continued smile, using that mask to hide the panic that was swelling up inside her chest. "Of course I am. Just a small wound, don't worry about it, okay?" With that, she said goodnight and closed the door, intentionally avoiding his gaze, for if she looked into them, she knew she would burst and tell him _everything_.

As soon as she heard the little 'click' of the door being locked, she immediately let go of that smile and allowed the pain that had been with her the entire night erupt upon her pale skin, her arms gripped tightly against her stomach. Her body slumped to the floor, her back leaning against the cool wooden door. She could feel the blood oozing from the bandage covering the wound but that wasn't her main concern right now: her main concern was making sure to not make a sound, for Lavi--she knew--was still outside her door, the same foreign look of worry upon his usually smiling face. She hated it when she was the cause of his worry, she hated it whenever it was her fault he got hurt, or was the cause of his sadness. Damn it, why did she even care? Gritting her teeth, her hands balled into fists, and her eyes shut tight, Karen tried as hard as she could to stop from whimpering because of a simple hole in her gut.

Lavi looked, almost longingly, at the closed door. He heard a small thump on the floor and immediately knew that it was her, and he even heard the small, almost inaudible sounds, coming through. He sighed softly and rested his head against the cool wood, his eye somber. He could hear the muffled whimpering and it only made him sadder. "Hana-chan…" he whispered. "Why don't you ever open up to me…?"

Karen's eyes snapped open, hearing Lavi's words. She closed them again and tried to suppress the tears that were threatening to erupt. No…if he heard her crying, then he would surely burst open the door. She couldn't let that happen. She's done too much already, she's made him worry, she's made him unhappy.

"Why…" he whispered once more. "don't you trust us…? Trust me…?"

Karen bit her lower lip, her tears filling her eyes. _'No…it's not…that…'_ She wanted so much to just cry, right then and there, to let everything out through anguished tears. But what would that do?

Lavi stayed that way, just for a bit longer. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Hana-chan…you know I'm always here for you, so please….don't keep everything to yourself, okay?"

Her hand came up to her mouth, effectively cutting off any stray tears that wanted to escape. She wasn't going to cry, not now and she nodded subconsciously, not knowing the action she had just done.

"Goodnight, Karen…" And with that, Lavi retired to his room, his long red bangs casting deep forlorn shadows across his emerald orb.

As soon as Lavi's footsteps died out, and she was sure he was out of ear-shot, she released the breath she didn't know she'd been holding, crawled over to her bed, and hugged the pillow close to her, if only to try and ease the pain. "Sorry…" she whispered, "Lavi…" She doubled over as the pain in her stomach suddenly erupted, making her contort in pain. But being as skilled as she was, no one who passed her door could even imagine what the girl inside was going through right now. All who passed merely thought she was asleep, and would therefore not even think to check up on the parasitic exorcist.

::::End 5th Night::::

**(1) Oi! Matte!:** Hey! Wait!

**(2) Kuso: **Damn, or shit

**(3) Shinpai janai: **I'm okay, don't worry.

**(4) Oyasumi nasai: **Good night.


	6. Preparation

**(A/N):** Just a warning…this chapter might not make any sense at all -sweat drop- This first part of this chapter was written by Moyashi-kun…meaning this is basically going to be a filler chapter, kinda. Okay, so maybe this is just a random chapter thanks to boredom during English and after school….so yeah, filler chapter, I guess. Thoughts of an Exorcist will be next chapter, I swear it.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own DGM, never have, never will.

::::::  
What Once Was  
6th Night: Preparation

She couldn't sleep. All night, she tossed and turned, the pain in her abdomen never seeming to subside at all, even after the medicines and constant changing of bloody bandages. Karen sighed, looking at herself in the mirror, then looking down. This wasn't healthy for her, keeping everything to herself and not letting anyone in, but what could she do? She'd been doing this for so long, it wasn't like her to regret keeping her feelings bottled up inside. So, then, why now? Why did she feel so bad for making Lavi and the others worry? She sighed once more and turned the faucet off, returning to her bed, her arm above her newly wound abdomen. _'It'll heal by tomorrow afternoon'_ she thought and closed her eyes. _'I can last until then…'_

:::Following morning:::

"Oooooiiiii!!!"

Allen jumped, quite literally, off his bed and looked around, blinking. "Wha…?" He heard a knock at his door. "Come in…" he yawned. He blinked once and saw a blur, he blinked once more and saw that blur come closer. He blinked again, to clear his vision, and was greeted by Linali's face, right in front of his. He yelped and backed up slightly, definitely shocked by how close her face had been to his own. A slight shade of pink tinted his cheeks as he looked up at the giggling Chinese girl.

"Ohayo**(1)**, Allen-kun," she greeted him, extending a hand to help him up. He laughed with embarrassment and took her hand. What happened next was….

:::downstairs:::

The table was filled with food of all varieties, bacon and eggs, flapjacks, fresh fruit, turkey, ham, and any other extravagancies that were too much for just breakfast. But then again, this was Shawn Valentine we were talking about here. Said man was already sitting at the table reading a newspaper drinking coffee. He looked up when he heard someone enter and stood up, pulling out a chair for Karen. When Lavi came in, not that much longer after Karen, he instantly grasped his hammer, but thought better of it since they were leaving in a hour or two. Just a while longer, he would have to put up with this man's antics. He sat down in the chair next to Karen, who also happened to be sitting next to Valentine. A few minutes into the meal, Lavi thought he would break the uncomfortable silence. "Where are Allen and Linali?" he asked. Karen looked at him, "They should be getting down soon."

Just then, Allen and Linali came walking in together a slight pink on their faces. Lavi grinned. "Well speak of the devil! What kept you?" Allen muttered something about sleeping in, but Linali retained her composure. "I had to do my hair." With that, they both sat down opposite Lavi and Karen.

After a few more minutes of awkward silence, Valentine decided to make his intentions clear: "Karen may I just say you are looking particularly lovely this morning." Karen blinked. Was he blind? All she had on was her black undershirt, her exorcist pants and boots, and her hair tied up into a ponytail. However, Shawn yelped as a sharp pain jabbed at his shin. He threw a glare at the younger boy.

Karen sighed inwardly, having a clear idea of what was happening there and swiftly decided to change the conversation. "When is the train departing today?" she asked, trying to make sure the pain that just erupted from her stomach didn't show upon her face. "It departs at 11:13," Lavi told her, "So we should be ready by 10." Karen looked up, surprise shown in her blinking orbs. "Why at ten?" Lavi mumbled something about not wanting to miss the train.

Valentine chuckled and raised his coffee mug, as if toasting Lavi. "Nonsense! You can stay as long as you like…" Even though he was smiling, sparks could practically be seen flying between him and the red-haired teen. Karen sighed and decided another change in conversation was necessary. "Linali? Allen? You've been awfully quite. Anything wrong?"

Allen, who had been playing with his food, looked up, confusion shown in his silver-blue eyes. "Oh, its nothing….just…uh… I didn't sleep to well last night."

"Why is that?"

"Oh ..umm...I miss the Black Order."

Such a lame excuse. "You know, if your going to be an exorcist, you're going to have to get used to moving around for months at a time…"

Lavi couldn't take it anymore, he could have sworn Valentine was staring at Karen's chest. "See­--!" '_He just wants her for her body, after all he's twice her age, damn it!'_ It was only then that he realized that he caused such a commotion, everyone was looking at him strangely. "Erm…umm…I mean…you know, we all just want to go home right now…haha…"

That was it. Karen stood up abruptly, just as she did the night before. "Sumimasen**(2)**." As she left, Linali called to her, "Wait up!" She excused herself from the table and chased after the other female exorcist. Together, they went to their rooms, enjoying the silence shared between the two.

Back at the table, Allen finally starting gulping down his breakfast with about 6 or 7 plates, like he usually did. Both valentine and Lavi stared at his amazing feat, even though Lavi had seen him eat many times before. "What are you trying to pull?" said Lavi suddenly. Allen looked up, blinking. "Oh sorry. I didn't realize I was being such a pig--"

"No. Not you. Him," Lavi said, pointing a finger at Shawn.

"Me? Whatever do you mean?" the latter said evasively.

"Oh come on. I see the way you look at her."

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean."

"Whatever!" Lavi stood up angrily and stalked away. A couple seconds later, Shawn left to wash up. Allen looked around and realized he was the only one left. Then he saw that Lavi hadn't even touched his food. Allen smiled happily and plowed the food into his mouth.

Getting to their rooms, the girls parted, each preparing to leave and return to the Order. Karen, as soon as she entered her room, sighed and crawled onto her bed, wincing as she did so. '_Lavi's jealous of Shawn, isn't he?' _She chortled slightly. _'Whoever thought it…and I seem to be in more pain now than last night.' _She rolled over on her bed and let out a long sigh.

"Might as well get ready…"

xxx

'_I CANT BELIEVE THAT PREVERTED OLD GEEZER!' _Lavi thought angrily, slamming his door._ 'I cant wait until we leave this place_' Deciding a good hot shower would relax him, he went into the bathroom and turned on the hot water. _'At least we're leaving in a while…'_

xxx

Shawn, in the meantime, took his sweet time to head to his room. A smirk played at his lips as he remembered the look on the redhead's face. _'Such a funny boy.' _Halfway to his room, he decided to pay a visit to Karen before her departure in the afternoon. When he arrived, he knocked on the door but got no response. He called her name, "Karen?" He slowly pulled the knob and pushed the door inwards. Nobody was in the room but he heard a slight running of water somewhere. "Karen?" he said again. The water stopped, and a few moments later Karen appeared in the bathroom door, a towel wrapped around her dripping body.

"Oh…" Valentine said quietly, "I didn't realize--"

"Is there something you need?" she asked. "No. I just came to say goodbye." He took a step closer. Karen eyed him suspiciously "Well…thanks for … um… your thoughtfulness…? But as you can see I was right in the middle of my bath…" He took another step they were about two feet apart. "Sh-Shawn?" She said nervously.

"Karen." He said softly "Are you going to leave me again?" Another step. "I'll have to after all I'm an exorcist and if you dare to take one step closer you'll be signing your death wish."

"Don't be like that…" he was mere inches from her face. She growled and raised her _invoked _hand, just as he was about to press his lips against hers. Just then the door opened…

xxx

Allen walked aimlessly down the halls, wondering where everyone was. That and also because he couldn't seem to remember which room was his. Why were there so many rooms in a single house?! He sighed and decided, after a while, to just open every door until he found his, starting with the one on his right.. As soon as he did so, he so truly wished that he hadn't. Oh, poor Allen. As he was standing there, he was looking in on an _interesting _sight. "Uhh….sorry to disturb you…"

xxx

"Uhhh…." Linali couldn't believe her eyes. She had walked in on Valentine and Karen about to kiss. "Um…I'm guessing I should have knocked first, but I didn't want to stay in the hall like this…" She was in her towel as well, her hair still dripping from just getting out of the shower. "I was just coming to borrow….some lotion…um I'll just go now…" When she got into the hall she was in shock. '_Hes twice her age!!!!'_ She thought it would be best to stay out of others business though and decided not to pry into it any further. She returned to her room, drained the tub, dried off, and put her clothes on.

xxx

'_Great,' _thought Karen, '_now everyone's going to think I'm having a secret romance.' _Just then she felt an enormous pain in her side and looked down to see Valentine's hands on her waist. "Don't touch me!" she yelled hitting him square across the chin with her evoked arm, sending him flying in the air, only to land on the bed a couple feet away. She walked over to him, making sure her towel was tightly around her. '_Looks like he's out cold…well it serves him right!' _She then returned to the bathroom, making sure to lock the door in case he was going to try anything funny and got back in the bathtub, whimpering slightly of her wound.

xxx

"I'm sorry, Lavi. I didn't know you were in here…" Allen said, turning red. He had walked into Lavi's room right when he got out of the shower. "I just got lost that's all!"

"Daijoubu Moyashi-chan," Lavi told him, wrapping his towel around himself, trying to keep whatever remained of his dignity. "Your room's third one down on your left."

"Thanks." Allen said, hurriedly leaving the room as quick as possible.

Being back in his room, Allen finally felt secure. After laying down on his bed for a while, he got up and started getting ready, his thoughts being plagued by a certain girl.

:::10:50::: _  
_  
"Lets get going everyone!" Lavi yelled. He wanted to get going already, they stayed there for too long in his eyes. He waited next to the carriage, Dill already being in the driver's seat.

"Lavi…if you shout that one more time I swear I'm going to shove that mallet of yours in a place where you definitely don't want it to be." Karen said flatly. She was by his side, leaning onto their ride.

"Well sorry I just want to get out of this place," Lavi grumbled.

(A/N: That's it, my turn! Gimme the keyboard, Moyashi-kun! -takes the keyboard-)

Karen sighed and shook her head, trying to hide the soft smile that appeared on her face. "You just don't want to be near Shawn, huh?"

Lavi glanced down at the shorter exorcist and immediately averted his eyes, seeing as her blue pools seemed to always entrance him whenever he looked at them. "Yeah, right." he mumbled. He heard her laugh and he flushed in embarrassment. Luckily, he was saved by Linali and Allen. "About time!!" he chirped and glomped the cursed boy, making the girls laugh. "Let's go, let's go, let's go!"

"Calm down, Lavi-dono…" Dill called from the carriage. "Are you going to give Walker-dono some air…?" Lavi blinked and looked down. "Sorry!" he immediately let go of the now blue-faced Allen.

Linali came over and took Allen from him, still laughing slightly. She helped him in the carriage, seeing as his lungs seemed to be crushed, no thanks to a certain bookman in training. Lavi only laughed and got in as well. He poked his head out, to tell Karen to hurry up, but then scowled as he saw Shawn coming towards them. He pulled his head back in and just decided to wait. But then again, he glanced out the window, just to make sure the perverted old geezer didn't try to do anything to his flower.

Karen somewhat glared at Shawn. "You already said bye, so what do you want now?" her voice sounded harsher than she intended. Still, she didn't allow her expression to show it, even after seeing the apologetic face that Shawn was wearing.

"Sumimasen**(3)**" he said, bowing his head. "But that wasn't an acceptable goodbye, was it?" he looked up and smiled at her, a sincere smile. "And so…" he held out his hand. "…sayonara**(4)**, Karen-san."

Karen blinked a few times, then smiled, shaking his hand. "Ja ne." She turned and placed her foot on the step, about to enter the carriage, when he grabbed her wrist. Looking back, she was about to tell him off, but stopped when she saw the not-perverted look in his eye. Shawn leaned up and whispered in her ear, "You should really get that wound treated as soon as possible."

Her azure orbs widened in shock and she turned her head completely, to face him. "How did…?" He merely smiled and pointed to the golden-trimmed monocle around his left eye. "There's no blood wound that you can hide from me, Miss Karen."

Karen blinked once more then grinned. "You sly little devil…" she murmured and entered the carriage. She sat next to Lavi and turned to look at Shawn. He waved a goodbye to the exorcists, Linali and Allen waving back, receiving a nod from Karen, and small wave from Lavi.

The carriage started heading towards the station, and Shawn watched from his house as its form got smaller and smaller. "You kept how deep and how hurtful that wound of yours really was…any other exorcist would in the hospital. But you appear to us as if it were never there…." he sighed and looked up at the clear skies. "…what gives you that strength, I wonder? What happened to you to enable you to endure so much…pain?"

xxx

They were nearly at the station. Allen and Linali were talking amongst themselves, Allen trying to teach Linali how to play poker. Lavi watched and even added his own comment or two. Karen, it seemed, was the only one who looked tired. She gazed out the window, her eyes closed. That way, she could keep the pain from showing on her face easier. Her thoughts wandered back to what she just learned.

'_I wonder how long that Shawn plans to keep that Innocence of his hidden from the Black Order.'_

:::End 6th night:::

**(1) Ohayo: **shortened version of ohayo gozaimasu, meaning good morning

**Sumimasen**:

**(2): **Excuse me

**(3): **I apologize.

**(4) Sayonara:** Goodbye

Just a thought….Moyashi-kun kept putting that Shawn was twice Karen's age…he's not. He just probably acts like he is, but he's only 21, so he's only about four years older than her. Not twice her age…

Moyashi-kun: Hey you told me that

BlueFox: I did not

Moyashi-kun: okay fine…I was just lazy…my part was completely OOC, but it was mostly for the funny parts :)

BlueFox: I noticed….

Moyashi-kun: But then you took out some of what I wrote :(

BlueFox: haha oh well XP

Ja ne, minna


	7. Thoughts of an Exorcist

**(A/N):** No more keyboard privileges for Moyashi-kun…haha.

Moyashi-kun: Awwwww :'(

Thanks to all who reviewed, you're all awesome :D

**Disclaimer: **Don't own DGM, no matter how much I want to. I don't own Pain, by Three Days Grace, either.

* * *

What once was  
7th night: Thoughts of an Exorcist

If possible, the train ride back to their Order seemed like an even longer journey instead of shorter. Karen sighed as she looked out the window. On the floor of their private compartment, Lenalee and Allen played poker--or at least, Lenalee was trying to learn. Allen was teaching her how to play fair. When and if she got better, he'd teach her how to cheat. But from judging the way Lenalee was playing already, it would seem that he wouldn't have to teach her. Lenalee was a complete natural, believe it or not.

Karen's gaze lingered on the two for a while, her mind becoming blank. It wasn't like her, to be like this. Was it because of a single wound?

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

Her eyes wandered back to the running landscape, the wound on her stomach continuing to beg for attention. After a few seconds (which seemed like hours to her) she stood up and left the compartment without a word, leaving those that were still inside blinking in confusion.

_You're sick of feeling numb  
You're not the only one  
I'll take you by the hand  
And I'll show you a world that you can understand_

As soon as she was outside, her legs nearly gave out and she wobbly entered the closest restroom, her arms encircled around her abdomen. Locking the door and taking off her exorcist coat, Karen examined her wound, pangs of pain flowing through her. Though the wound had healed considerably since she first acquired it, it still looked pretty bad. She sighed and started to undress it, taking the bloody bandages off to replace with new ones that she had kept within her coat. "It's been over a day already…why hasn't it healed already?" she asked herself. Strange, she wasn't used to talking to herself, either. She looked up into the mirror and saw someone who she didn't know. A girl who had given up everything so that _he_ could continue to live, a girl who just wanted the best for him. A girl whose parents despised their own son, yet adored her. A girl who, until now, never opened her eyes. A girl who didn't know who she was anymore, who didn't know who or what she had become. Karen closed her eyes; this was the reason why she never liked mirrors.

Mirrors never lie.

_This life is filled with hurt  
When happiness doesn't work  
Trust me and take my hand  
When the lights go out you will understand_

Lavi laughed as Lenalee and Allen played. It seemed as though Lenalee was actually going to win against Allen–without cheating! He smiled at the younger exorcists; they always seemed to be happy when they were on a mission together. It made him think back to the missions he and Karen used to get. They would always be together; it seemed that Komui made sure of that. A smile tugged at his lips as he saw himself and Karen in Lenalee and Allen's places. Looking out the window, he started thinking, just as he did whenever there was nothing better to do. Even after all those missions, after becoming such good friends with her, after all that they've been through, Karen had never opened up to him.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

Lenalee peered over the tip of her cards, said objects covering the slight blush on her face as she looked upon the boy in front of her. She was ecstatic; the mission had gone perfectly: they retrieved the innocence, didn't cause that much damage to the surrounding buildings, no one got seriously hurt, and she even got a present from Allen–a very, very special present that she would treasure forever. She blushed even more, just thinking about their "moment" earlier that morning, along with a bright smile. Not only because of that, but also because of her hand. She was _so_ going to beat him this round. But upon glancing up at Lavi, the smile faded and was replaced by worry. He seemed so…

'_If he's so worried, he should go and look for her.'_

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

Allen glanced at his cards, watching Lenalee as she looked down at her own. A smile was set upon his lips as he gazed at her face and then looked down just as she glanced up, feeling the slight burning sensation on his cheeks. It was because of that that his mind wandered back to their incident in his room this morning. He felt his face redden.

_Anger and agony  
Are better than misery  
Trust me I've got a plan  
When the lights go off you will understand_

Subconsciously, the redhead tapped his finger against his knee. _'It's been too long…where is she?'_ he wondered. His emerald orb gazed down at the younger exorcists before he stood up. "My leg's asleep, I'm gonna walk it out, 'kay?"

"Okay." Unison answer. Neither of them even looked up from their hands. Lavi chuckled a little before heading out the compartment, looking for Karen.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
Rather feel pain_

Karen sat on the bathroom floor, curled up against the cold door, arms wrapped tightly around her stomach, her eyes shut tight. "It…hurts…." It was murmured through gritted teeth. "Why…why does it hurt so much…damn…" She reached up and tried to get up, if not for the next wave of burning fire searing through her. With a grunt, she slid back down to the floor, cursing in different languages, her eyes tight shut once more.

A knock at the door.

_I know (I know I know I know I know)  
That you're wounded  
You know (You know you know you know you know)  
That I'm here to save you_

"Hana-chan?" Lavi called, knocking on the door. "Hana-chan, are you in there?"

Karen's eyes snapped open, just as they did the night before. _'Damn it.'_ She somehow maintained her composure and answered, her voice unwavering, "Yeah, I am. What'd you need?" She even surprised herself, hearing how cold her voice sounded.

On the other side of the door, Lavi blinked, surprised at the tone of her voice. Karen opened the door and came out, her face unreadable, her coat dawned. "I was just wondering what took ya so long, Hana-chan!" Something was wrong, Lavi knew for sure. But what, though, he had no clue.

Lavi's usual smile had reappeared, dispelling all of Karen's thoughts about him bring worried. Karen smiled at him, inwardly wincing as she did so, and said, "Well, I'm a girl, what did you expect?" That brought a laugh out of a Lavi and a small one out of Karen. Together, side by side, they headed back, Lavi contented with his partner right beside him again.

_You know (You know you know you know you know)  
I'm always here for you  
I know (I know I know I know I know)  
That you'll thank me later_

Karen's eyes became droopy and she finally realized how tired she really was. _'That's right…I haven't had a lot of sleep lately…'_

"Hana-chan?"

She looked up at him and placed a smile on her face again. "I'm fine…" _'No…no, Lavi, I'm not…'_ "Don't worry, okay?"

_Pain, without love  
Pain, can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

Karen's eyes widened and the aisle began to twist around, her legs becoming wobbly. She clutched her head, her vision starting to blur, her other hand holding onto the wall for support. _'What the…'_

"Hana-chan!" Lavi cried as she fell forward. He caught her before she hit the floor, worry plastered all over his face. "Hana-chan! Can you hear me? Karen!"

"I'm okay…" she whispered. "Just…a little dizzy…" Lavi's eyes widened and he picked her up in his arms, earning a yelp from the female.

"Why didn't you say anything before now? We could've–"

"I'm fine." She interrupted him. "I got a little dizzy, it's nothing to worry about."

Lavi looked down at her. "But Hana-chan…"

"Lavi…" Karen gave him a look before getting down, holding onto him so that she wouldn't fall, wincing as pain shot through her once more. "I just haven't had enough sleep lately, and the train moving so much just made me dizzy for a second. It's nothing, I'm alright, really." She looked up at him again and held his gaze. "So don't worry, alright?"

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

"Hey, Allen? Is this a good hand?" Lenalee asked, an innocent smile on her face.

Allen looked up from his hand and blinked. "Huh? Lemme see." He scooted over to her, and blinked at her hand. She had four kings, straight. He blinked once more and laughed. "Yeah, that's a good hand!" Lenalee pouted; she wanted to see Allen nervous in a card game. But then again, seeing him smile and laugh was just as good, especially since he did so for _her_. At that point, the both of them noticed. This was the first time they've been together since _that time._ They looked at each other, then blushed, the memory resurfacing.

_Allen had taken her hand, feeling completely embarrassed. Apparently, neither of them had the greatest sense of balance in the morning, for when Lenalee pulled him up, they tripped over the other's legs and fell to the floor. They fell, however, with Allen on top of Lenalee, their lips pressed together in a kiss that would make Komui cry an ocean._

Another shade surfaced on both their faces and they turned away from each other. Exorcists, warriors, but still naïve children at heart.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

Lavi looked at the girl for a moment with serious eyes. "Lavi, please…" Karen said to him, "It's nothing." It was then that she gave him a smile, and Lavi felt like it was a truly sincere smile, a kind of smile he had only seen once before, and it made him smile back at her, his expression back to the way it usually was.

Karen continued to smile at him. A real smile. Why was he the only one at the Order who had seen her smile that way before? She walked forward and turned back to look at Lavi, who hadn't moved yet. "But I am glad, Lavi…" Said boy blinked. "…that you're smiling again. That smile suits you more than worry." The redhead blinked at her once more and smiled, walking beside her.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
Rather feel pain than nothing at all  
Rather feel pain…_

They entered the room to see Lenalee and Allen turned away from each other, a blush on both of their faces. A grin appeared on both Lavi and Karen's face as they both occupied a seat on opposite sides of the room, both of them facing one of the younger teens. "Weeeeell?" they both said at the same time. The two on the floor blinked at them, looked back at each other and blinked, then blinked once more at the older exorcists.

"Well what?"

"Well, why don't you tell us, huh?" Karen taunted first. "Your faces are red. How come?" her grin became bigger as their said blush deepened.

"Yeah, ya know ya can tell us," Lavi taunted as well, "It's not a secret, is it? But then again, all the more reason to tell!" He laughed as he looked at their faces; they would've made a tomato jealous.

It was then that he heard her laugh. He stopped for a moment and looked at her with surprise in his eyes. He hadn't heard her laugh before, at least not with this much happiness apparent in her voice. Karen sat on her seat, her hand covering her mouth, trying to stifle the laughs that were escaping her throat. And, somehow, her wound didn't hurt her. Her shoulders shook slightly, her angelic laugh reverberating throughout the entire compartment. The sight brought a large smile to his face and he continued to laugh, doing even more so when he saw the baffled looks upon on Lenalee and Allen's clueless expressions.

She had no idea why she was laughing, or why how she was doing so without having pain coursing through every fiber of her being. But she didn't care. It had been years since she's truly laughed, and she had to admit, it felt good. Karen took a deep breath and calmed down a bit, looking at the still beet red teens on the floor and her still laughing partner. _'Now that everything's like this…everything's going to change…'_

But she didn't mind at all.

:::later:::

Lavi looked down at the girl leaning on his shoulder. It placed a smile on his face, seeing her sleep with a smile on her face, even if it was only a small one. He glanced over at Lenalee and Allen, who were sleeping against each other, just like they had done before when he had taken that picture. Speaking of which…where did that camera go? Oh well, whatever. He knew that he would find it later. He looked down at Karen again and lay his head against hers, closing his eyes. "You're not alone, Hana-chan…" he murmured.

_I know (I know I know I know I know)  
That you're wounded  
You know (You know you know you know you know)  
That I'm here to save you_

The smile Karen wore grew as she felt his head against hers. She opened her eyes slightly and glanced up at him. _'You say that, Lavi…but you have no idea…'_ She sighed and unconsciously snuggled closer to him, wrapping her arms around one of his, and fell asleep against the bookman in training.

_You know (You know you know you know you know)  
I'm always here for you  
I know (I know I know I know I know)  
That you'll thank me later..._

Allen opened his eyes and smiled at the pair in front of him. Somehow, he knew that Lavi liked her and he had the feeling that she liked him back. But the latter he wasn't so sure of. Either way, they both looked happy. His eyes focused on the newest exorcist he had met. It was then that he looked at her carefully, taking in her features, her character. He felt his brows furrow, and he again wondered why he felt like he knew her. There was just something in the back of his mind that kept on nagging at him, _why can't you remember?_ He sighed and settled down next to Lenalee, a soft blush creeping onto his face, a contented smile along with it.

And so the exorcists of the Black Order fell asleep, each with their own acquiescent dreams, the soft humming of a lullaby keeping them all in their peaceful slumber.

:::End 7th night:::

Why does it seem that this is going really slow?? Oh well...hopefully it'll speed up. Haha.

Ja ne, minna


	8. Welcome Home

**(A/N): **Gomenasai for the delayed update! I've been busy, and school hasn't been forgiving lately -sobs- Not to mention that I had a major writers block for a while…oh well. This'll be longer just cuz I haven't updated in a while and make it up to you…haha. And--tada! The appearance of Kanda! Finally!

**Disclaimer:** Haven't I made this clear enough in seven, almost eight, chapters? Geez…stop asking!  
:::::::  
What once was  
8th night: Welcome home

::Komui's office::

River burst through his supervisor's slightly cracked open doors, a slight panic shown on his face. His eyes gazed around and finally found Komui sleeping behind a mountain of unsigned paperwork. Hurriedly, he went to his side and whispered, "Linali's getting married."

"My precious Linali is getting married?!?!" Komui shouted, snapping out of his deep slumber, one of his high-tech guns already in his hands.

River chuckled '_That will never get old.' _"Sir, isn't it about time that we started getting ready for _that_? After all it was you that came up with the idea…"

"Oh yes--Great idea! They should be getting back fairly soon--"

River's sigh stopped him from finishing his sentence. "Sir, they are already back as of 5 minutes ago."

"_What!!_ Why wasn't I informed sooner?! River, go and stall them as long as you can before you bring them all to the kitchen!!"

"Why do I have to do it? Can't you?"

"No, I can't. As you can see I've very busy with…these…uh forms! Now go before they get there!" And he, almost literally, kicked the squad leader out of his office. Apparently, the Black Order's head supervisor had learned a few things from his dear little sister.

::underground waterway::

Linali jumped up from the boat, even before the small vehicle reached the docking point. She wore a smile on her face, not only about the successful mission but also about their little surprise. She had told them about it a little while after Karen had left to go to the bathroom on the train. When the males heard about it, they immediately agreed to help her.

She heard a laugh behind her and it placed an even wider smile on her own. "Allen-kun! Hurry up! Lavi-kun, Karen-chan!"

"Someone's energetic…" Karen muttered, jumping off the boat, landing gracefully on the dock. The pain in her wound throbbed slightly, but other than that, she didn't feel anything. It was strange, ever since the dizziness on the train she didn't feel much of the pain anymore. She grimaced; she knew she would feel the pain tripled later on.

Allen was the first to follow Linali off the boat, his stomach growling at him for food. Almost the entire time on the train they were sleeping, and food didn't even come by that often, meaning that his stomach was getting mad at him for not feeding it when it was feeding time. However, at that moment, he didn't care; Linali's excitement was rubbing off on him.

"Can't that wait, Allen-kun?!" Linali threw over her shoulder, "We have to report to Komui-niisan!" Timcanpi and Yuki hovered above her head, as if agreeing with her. So then, of course, Allen had to comply. With a forced sigh--trying to hide his deep excitement-- he followed the Chinese girl, turning his head back to Karen and Lavi, who were right behind them.

"See you later!" he told them, following Linali.

"We'll all meet in the kitchen, later, okay?" the female added before disappearing around a corner.

Dill, who had parked the boat and had just joined them, sighed and started following them. "Three…two…" he started mumbling. Karen looked at him, blinking. "…one…" Linali's wail echoed back to the three, causing Dill to laugh. "I thought so…coming, Linali-dono!" And off he went, the retrieved Innocence in his hands.

"Well then…" Lavi placed his hands behind his head and turned to Karen. "Welcome home, Hana-chan." Karen blinked up at him, causing the older boy to give her a goofy grin and turned, starting to walk off.

"Ch-choto matte, Lavi! Where are you going?" she called to his retreating form, managing to keep her voice in a light, curious way. She just received a "Library!" as her answer. Either way, she knew he had to record some logs for Bookman about their mission, otherwise he'd get punished. A small smile tugged at her lips as she recalled the memory. But the question now was, what was she going to do? With a sigh, Karen started walking towards Hevlaska's chamber, an arm wrapped around her stomach.

xxx

"_Long time no see, Karen. Welcome home."_

Karen looked up at the large, tentacle-armed exorcist before her, her arm still placed against her wound. "It has been a while, Hevlaska. Good to see you." Her voice held no pain, no strain to speak. Normally, it would fool any other exorcist, but then again, Hevlaska wasn't your ordinary exorcist.

She lowered her head, just enough to see the seventeen year old at eye level. _"What happened, hm? Where does it hurt?"_ Karen looked down, she had a feeling she wouldn't be able to hide it from her. Slowly, she removed her arm, allowing Hevlaska to see the stains of blood upon her shirt, where her blood leaked from her bandages. _"My, my…what happened?"_

Karen flinched slightly as the tentacle like arms wrapped around her, picking her up from the ground. She never liked being picked up, not by anyone. The teen closed her eyes, just as Hevlaska bowed her head, placing her inhuman looking forehead against Karen's, a soft glow coming from the immediate contact. Other tentacle arms wrapped themselves around her pale hands, causing Karen to flinch once more. It was a disgusting feeling, as if someone was probing around inside you.

The glow became brighter and the wound on her stomach started to glow as well, soft at first, then becoming as bright as the first. _"That's right. Now concentrate on healing this wound…do not worry, you will not exceed anything."_ With that bit of reassurance, Karen let a piece of her mask fall, allowing the pain she kept bottled up since she first acquired the hit erupt. Her whimpered cries echoed throughout the chamber, never going to be heard by anyone other than the only other existing being in the room.

It was because of her "mask" that her innocence was like this in the first place. Because of her "mask", she sealed the true abilities of her weapon and changed its function and form, a feat that seems impossible to do. However, Karen was living proof that it could be done. Because of her "mask" she's been able to mask her true emotions perfectly, deceiving all she has met and known, her mask gave her the ability to become someone she knew she couldn't truly become.

With a sigh, Karen took a deep breath and released her Innocence. _"You are at 94 synchronization rate. You were able to unleash this ability much earlier than this level. Do you remember how you did it?"_ Hevlaska saw the girl nod slightly and watched as the crosses on her hands start to glow as well, one a black and white glow, the other a mix of blue and silver hue. The swirling masses of light mixed like the exorcist's own aurora borealis, slowly descending upon the wound, both Karen and Hevlaska could feel the lesion close. It was only then that the brightness subsided and the lights dissipated into tiny sparkling dust. _"Good. You still remember."_

Karen opened her azure orbs, metaphoric mask placed back upon her face. "Thanks, Hevlaska…" she murmured. She could hear the latter sigh.

"_Karen. You hide everything behind that mask of yours. And because of that, the nature of your Innocence is sealed as well. Don't you wish to fight with the true potential of your weapon…?"_

It was Karen's turn to sigh and as she looked up at the other, her eyes showed no emotion. "I can fight just fine with my weapon as it is now. That's all that matters. Besides, 'Black Angel' doesn't need to make an appearance anytime soon…"

xxx

"What do you mean you don't know where she is!?"

Both Allen and Linali covered their ears as they watched Komui yell at River, who looked like he had just ran five miles in five minutes. The poor man was covered in sweat, panting to recover his breath, and yet he was being berated by his supervisor. It wouldn't be that way for long, however, for River isn't a man to be yelled at needlessly and expect him to stay quiet about it. Komui knew that as well, so while the younger male was trying to catch his breath, Komui was yelling at him as much as he could. He didn't get to do this very often, after all.

"I don't know! I can't find her anywhere, that's what I mean!" River yelled back, after he caught his breath. Now, instead of being tired, he was just pissed and annoyed. "You go and look for her then if you want to find out where she is! I wanna see you go and find her!!"

And so an argument between adults, if you could even call them that by the way they were acting, ensued, leaving Linali and Allen to calm the dispute, even if it had to be done by Linali kicking her brother into a wall and Allen practically holding River back. Everyone else in the Science Department stayed clear of the fight, else they too would be caught in the ruckus.

Linali sighed at her brother's and River's antics, they were both such children. More than herself and Allen, she thought, since the two could still practically be called children. Once everything settled down-more or less- River explained to the others how he couldn't find Karen anywhere. It was her first day back and already no one could find her.

"Maybe she's at the training grounds?" Allen suggested.

River shook his head. "Already checked there. Besides, I'm sure she's pretty sick of training for a while, since she's practically been fighting for an entire month; plenty of training right there, don't you think?" Both teens nodded, each with their own thoughts about their new teammate.

xxx

Kanda Yuu walked the down the usual quiet hallways, glaring at everyone who passed him. Immediately seeing him, they moved to give him his way, already knowing how he was when he had just returned from a mission. Especially one that irritated him.

As he walked, he noticed someone leaning against the wall, right outside the main circular railing. He wouldn't have cared, normally, if it wasn't for the fact that he recognized the figure, her long black hair resembling his own in a way. It certainly has been a while. Grinning, he walked toward her, knowing by the way she was standing that she was thinking of something else and probably wouldn't even sense him coming up to her.

"Well, well, well, looks whose finally back."

Karen jumped slightly, nearly hitting heads with the taller male. "Y-Yuu-chan!" she whined. "Don't scare me!" Her face was a perfect expression of shock. In a way, she kind of was, since she didn't think he would speak to her, but she did notice him coming. She always has. "It's not nice!"

If Kanda had ever noticed that she's been hiding her emotions, that all the faces, smiles, and laughter were all just a mask, he certainly never showed or told her that he did. But then again, this was Kanda Yuu here. No one truly knows what's going through that head of his.

He merely grinned that superior grin of his, gaining a pout from the younger exorcist. "I'm not nice, remember? Or did you forget on your mission?" He watched as a small growl erupted from her throat, and did not move as she playfully punched him on the arm.

Kanda averted his eyes in mock annoyance, only to see Komui, River, Linali, and the Moyashi all looking at him from a room just across the circular hole. He blinked as Komui mouthed some words to him, as if he was trying to tell him something. He only blinked some more as he saw the older man slap his forehead, looking like he was groaning.

"Yuu-chan?"

"Don't call me that."

"What're you looking at?"

"Nothing."

Karen eyed him and turned to where Kanda's eyes were looking at, but as she turned, River closed the door, quickly and softly, and she saw nothing there, only rows upon rows of closed wooden doors. She blinked and turned back to face the eighteen year old. A look of confusion showed in her eyes.

As soon as she turned back, the door opened once more and again Kanda was looking at not only Komui, but River and Linali trying to tell him something, their mouths all forming meaningless, inaudible words. He blinked some more and saw a repeating action from the three, just as Komui had done the first time. _'What the hell are they doing? Bakas.' _he thought, then saw the bean sprout open the door a little more, carrying a somewhat large piece of paper with some writing on it.

'Keep Karen distracted until we have the you-know-what ready! -Orders from Komui'

That's what the board said, and apparently what they have been trying to tell him this entire time. Now everything made sense…stupid Komui, making things so much harder than they were supposed to be. Kanda mentally sighed and looked down at the pouting girl. "What?" he asked her, then grinned. "Welcome home."

Karen blinked once and smiled slightly. "Never thought I'd hear that from you, Yuu-chan. But thanks."

"Hmph."

The long haired Japanese turned and walked away, feeling the expressions of Komui and the others at the back of his neck. He knew they were glaring at him, it only made his grin wider.

"Matte, Yuu-chan! Doko ni ikimasu ka**(1)**?"

The male halted and answered, "Doko? Where do you think?" and started to walk off. He grinned when he heard a soft growl and footsteps coming toward him in a brisk walk, then slowing down to be in pace with him.

Karen looked at the taller boy from the corner of her eyes. Why did it feel like he was hiding something? Oh well, it didn't matter. Inwardly she sighed. After all, she was the one who was hiding practically everything, so she wasn't one to talk. Still, it made her curious. "Yuu-chan?"

"I told you and that stupid redhead to stop calling me that!"

The latter laughed slightly, her stomach not hurting her at all anymore. "Well too bad!"

Kanda sighed and continued walking, down the circular stairs, past the kitchen, and the library. As they passed the last area, Karen unconsciously eyed the closed marble doors. Kanda, however, noticed it and mentally smirked. Looks like some things hadn't changed at all. Without breaking stride, they continued down the next hall or two an exited the building, heading to Kanda's own little training area.

He never liked the training area within the tower, it was too loud and too many people were in the way. Even if no one came near him if he were to train there, everyone being there, loud and obnoxious, the newbies breaking everything without the control of their weapons, he just couldn't stand it. That's why he found his own little sanctuary to train, and he trained there by himself since he joined the Order. That is, until this girl came and broke through the walls he erected. He still didn't know how she did it, but she did it nonetheless and he didn't even notice.

She had trained with him plenty of times, nearly everyday, every morning while everyone was still asleep, at the break of dawn. Either she would be practicing against him, or she would provide him with something nobody would ever think Kanda would appreciate as he trained:

Music.

Karen smiled slightly as they entered one of the few vegetated areas around the tower. These sites were mainly near the posterior end of the tower, hidden by the colossal anterior of the building. Though they were few, those that were around were like little forests, just as dense and confusing as those found in the Amazon.

She ran a little ways in front of Kanda, a little excitement showing on her face. "Yuu-chan! Are you gonna train right now?" Kanda, who had somehow gotten beside her, nodded.

"Why else would I come here?"

"Good point…" Karen looked up at him. "Do you want me to train with you or…?"

"Do whatever you wish." And so he walked toward the center of the field, Mugen drawn.

A smile tugged at Karen's lips and she headed toward one of the trees that had fallen, forming a natural bench for one to sit on. She sat on it, the smile that was tugging now in plain view. "It's been a while since I've been here…looks like you haven't done any changes at all." She received silence as an answer but that was to be expected from Kanda. She lifted her head and watched for a bit as he practiced his katas with precision and skill. As she did, she waved her right hand in a circular motion, the same blue and silver sparks of light trailing behind her like a dragon's tail. The sparks swirled around each other and began to solidify into a long, slender flute.

It was like any other flute, key pads and all, except that this flute had a blue hue colored shine to it, and that the keys and their pads were black and white. Placing the silver mouthpiece against her ruby lips, she allowed her fingers to dance along the horizontal plane of silver brass.

Kanda stopped for a moment, hearing the song Karen played, and started his katas once more. It certainly had been a while, and although he never would've admitted it, he missed this girl. No one else ever bothered to wake up at the break of dawn and keep him company, not even Lavi, but that was only because he knew Lavi wasn't a morning person, and besides, training? With Lavi? That clown of a Bookman apprentice would do nothing but screw around and distract the ever scowling samurai. But she actually trained with him, and she never held back, like Linali did. A frown placed itself upon his lips as he remembered his first and only training session with Komui's sister.

They had gone against each other, but Linali was holding back, not wanting to accidentally hurt Kanda but it just ended up with Linali in the medical ward for about a week and Komui yelling incessant things to the male. Apparently he wasn't allowed to train to Linali anymore, which was just fine by him. Karen was different.

She never held back, and on numerous occasions they both ended up in the medical ward, exhausted, but with a good amount of training done. Other times though, if she didn't feel like training in the morning, she still kept him company, singing that song of hers or playing a melody upon her flute. He never figure out how she brought that thing out of thin air, and he figured he never would. It didn't matter, it was probably something with her Innocence.

The parasite type had her eyes closed, listening as her melody and the sound of his movements coincided.

_Remember the days  
__When you used to smile  
__Come back to the days  
__When you had no care in world_

All who were within the kitchen stopped whatever they were doing, their ears catching the soft tune. A smile soon formed on each of their faces and they soon continued what they were doing, those that had been at the Order for a while, smiling in joy for the return of that sound. Those newcomers too couldn't help but smile, that soothing melody dancing within the cornerstones of their hearts. The sound that could only be heard in the early mornings, that melancholy melody.

Lavi was no exception. If anything, he was beaming in glee. His flower truly was back, and with that thought, continued to place the banner upon the wall, careful as to not fall from the ladder he stepped on. He almost did when a small voice from the ground called up to him. After regaining his balance and climbing down the steps, the Bookman in training faced the deemed Destroyer of Time, that smile never leaving his face.

"What's up, Moyashi-chan?"

"It's Allen!" the young exorcist puffed out his cheeks in annoyance but the face was soon changed into one of pure curiosity. "Lavi, who's making that sound?"

The redhead couldn't help but allow his smile to grow. "It's nice, isn't it? Get used to it, you'll be hearing it a lot more in the mornings, now that Hana-chan's back." He laughed when he saw the confusion in Allen's silver blue orbs. "That sound you hear is made by Hana-chan. Listen. It's like an angel herself is making the song…"

_Remember, remember  
__Remember the times when you laughed  
__When you cried, when you hid your fears away  
__Remember, all the times before  
__You first took a hold of your sword_

She opened her eyes slightly and watched all that was in her sight; she and the swordsman hearing and seeing all, sensing all.

Birds of all species, large and small, chatting away in the trees, bugs going about their merry way, small insects and butterflies annoying their neighbors in their planted homes, even small families of chipmunks and other mammals arguing amongst themselves over the latest nut piece, and even the plants themselves soaking in whatever light they could. Some birds were silent, and sat near the fallen oak to watch and listen as these strange creatures moved and created that wonderful sound. One was even so bold as to sing along. Others didn't even care to notice and went along their lives, and others couldn't help but stop what they were doing and wait until the bigger human had stopped trying to slice the air, laughing and trying to imitate him; and some flying about him, encouraging him in their own way to keep going, to accomplish more than he had done in the many times he had come.

Dark strands of hair flew through the air as buoyant and free as feathers, stainless steel cutting the colorless element like waves crashing upon the ocean. Pale fingers dancing along silver metal, an atypical song echoing in the small clearing. And before any creature in that clearing knew it, the melody was gone, and the movements stopped.

_One thousand swings  
__Everyday, every hour  
__To hone your skills  
__And become a warrior_

Karen placed the flute down, the item dissipating into dust as she did. "Finished already, Yuu-chan?" She laughed slightly at the glare coming from the samurai. "Alright, sorry I asked…"

Kanda shook his head and stood up, sheathing his Innocence-embedded katana. _'That should be plenty of time…and if not, their loss.'_ Turning back, he mentally cursed at himself for being so soft.

"Come on."

xxx

"Hurry up!"

"They're coming already!"

"Nooo that's not where that goes-!"

"Ahhh!!"

Allen blinked as he looked around him. There was chaos everywhere, but all in all, everything seemed fine. Why was everyone making such a big deal? He blinked once more. Where they like this when they threw one for him…? A hand on his shoulder made him yelp in surprise, jerking him out of his thoughts. "L-Linali?"

"Come on!" she took a hold of his hand and dragged him toward one of the tables, which was now covered in long, white cloth, food decorating this and the other table's tops. "They'll be here any time!"

"Coming, coming! Calm down…"

Soon all was quiet, everyone hearing footsteps coming from the hall outside. If one strained their ears, they could possibly hear the mock argument from the two exorcists.

"Just shut up."

"Why? You're the one who won't tell--"

The door opened.

"Welcome back, Karen!!!"

"--me-?"

Said girl blinked, seeing nearly everyone at the Order there. But her stupor didn't last long as a smile broke across her lips, and even she didn't know if this smile was real, or was another false lie. It didn't matter right now.

A banner hung from one wall to the other, balloons here, there, and practically everywhere, confetti sprawled around; some even sticking to her hair when many of it was shot into the air when she entered. The entire cafeteria was decorated, everyone there wearing a bright smile, exorcists and finders alike.

"Okairi nasai, Tsume-Ookami.**(2)**"

Karen turned to Kanda and gave him a smile. "You were in on this, weren't you, Yuu-chan?" Instead of the usual 'hmph' or 'che' response, she received a grin. "You were!" But even with her accusing tone, she smiled and smiled more as everyone greeted her individually. She laughed as Lavi practically glomped her, Linali and even Allen joining in. Kanda stayed back from that, but a small smile played at his lips, though he didn't allow it to come into view.

Komui watched the scene from a ways back, a sincere smile upon his face. "You deserved a break, Ka-chan. Even if this party is all we can really do for you…" His smile faltered a bit. _'You and Allen-kun are such mysteries…I wonder…why do I feel as if you two are connected somehow…'_

His thoughts were interrupted as his dear Linali called him, and his insane smile once again made its way onto his face. With a shout of glee, he too joined in the group hug, yearning a groan from Karen. "Hehe! Welcome home, Ka-chan!"

_Home…_

Karen smiled in spite of herself and laughed. For once, she didn't mind the hugs. _'This…really is home now, isn't it?'_ She spotted Allen in the corner of her eye and her smile widened, just a bit.

'_It's home.'_

:::End 8th Night:::

**(1): **Matte, Yuu-chan! Doko ni ikimasu ka- Wait, Yuu-chan! Where are you going?

**(2): **Okairi nasai, Tsume-Ookami- Welcome home, wolf's claw. Tsumeclaw, ookamiwolf. Kanda basically makes fun of her, in a big brother kind of way, since the basic form of her innocence is like a wolf's claw, and also cuz he knows Karen's favorite animal is the wolf.

Hope you liked : Once again, sorry for the delay -sweat drop-  
If anyone has a better nickname for Karen from Kanda...please tell me. Haha, or should he not give her one at all? (I'll rewrite this chappie if anyone does.) Hmm...

::BlueFox


	9. Songs of the 'Angel'

**(A/N): **Kudos (and maybe something more) to anyone who can get the meaning behind one or both of the songs Karen sings

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the mentioned characters, except for my own. All .hack songs belong to their rightful owners and Savin' Me belongs to Nickelback.

:::::::  
What once was  
9th Night: Songs of the 'Angel'

"Pleeeaaassseeee, Ka-chan!"

"No!"

"Please!"

"No!!"

"Come on, pretty, pretty, preetttyyy please? Onegai shimasu**(1)**!"

"Iie!**(2)**"

An anger mark appeared beside Karen's temple as Komui burst into waterfalls of tears and clung to her, continuing to beg. "Komui-san there is no way that I'm going to sing! No way in hell!"

"Who's gonna sing in front of everyone?"

Both Komui and Karen nearly jumped out of their skins as Lavi came out of nowhere, that usual happy grin upon his face. "N-no one!" Karen stammered, trying to pry the supervisor off her waist. "Damn it, let go of me, Komui!" she yelled.

But Komui would not. Instead, he clung on tighter, wailing nearly to the top of his lungs. "But you haaaavvvveee tooo, Ka-chan!" For someone who never fought against an akuma before and just merely stayed in the tower being a procrastinating lazy bum, Komui had an amazing grip.

Lavi grinned. "Come on, Hana-chan, why don't you? I've heard you sing before, you're great!" Seeing the semi glare radiating from the female, the redhead exorcist sweat dropped and got an idea. He got on his hands and knees and gave her his best puppy pout, even his lower lip was quivering in a pout. However, he really did pout when that didn't work and instead did the next best thing. The hammer wielder got to his feet and wrapped his arms around his flower, begging as Komui had done.

This was too much. Even more anger marks appeared on her head and a growl emitted from her throat. "Let. Go. Of. Me. Now." she hissed each word through clenched teeth, her eyes closed, hiding the murderous expression they held.

"Nii-san, Lavi-kun, what are you doing?"

Said boys stopped their wailing and turned their heads. "Oh umm…we just, uh…giving Hana-chan a hug, see?" Lavi told her with a nervous smile and hugged Karen, receiving another glare from the girl. Linali blinked and tilted her head.

"I hope you know…she looks like she's gonna kill you two…"

Komui looked over to his dear little sister, a tear or two lingering at the edge of his eyes. "Li-Linali, Ka-chan's being mean!"

Once more, Linali blinked. "How? What did you do, Nii-san?"

Komui burst into tears again. "Whyyy? My own sister always believes it's always me at fault! Why?!"

His sister, Karen, and Lavi all sweat dropped at the man and all thought, _''Cause it usually is…'_

Linali sighed and walked over to him, trying to pry him off her friend. "Nii-san, let go!"

"Noooo!" Komui wailed, clinging. It was amazing that neither his arms had snapped yet or Karen wasn't fazed by the pulling. "Not until Ka-chan sings!"

"I'm not gonna sing!"

"You sing?"

All eyes turned to the small voice. Allen stood there, a small smile on his face. "I'd love to hear you sing, Karen-san. I think I heard you singing before, but I'm not sure."

Karen looked at him, but not with the glare that she had given the two that were clinging to her. This stare was unreadable. Usually those that had seen that stare would've shifted uncomfortable under her gaze but Allen didn't. For some reason he just stood there and smiled. The dark haired girl sighed and all four sets of eyes were on her.

"Fine…but only one!"

"Two!" Komui immediately yelled. "Opening, then encore!"

"Encore!?"

As those two started bickering, and while Linali and Allen were trying to break them up, Lavi had let go of his flower and just watched. Why? Why did she sudden consent? Lavi didn't understand her sometimes, even when she first arrived. But now he had this feeling that he wouldn't understand her a lot more. He mentally sighed as he let his smile stay upon his face. _Hana-chan…how many secrets do you intend to hold?_

"Okay, okay! Fine, two, but you're paying me, Komui!"

"Whaaat!?"

"That or no deal."

xxx

Kanda watched the little group from his solitary seat. He didn't mind being alone, seeing as everyone else in the kitchen would greatly annoy him to no end. Unbeknownst to him, he and Lavi were thinking the same thing. He knew Karen had always held secrets from them, but he had no idea how many. He also knew that whenever things came about with the Moyashi,-however short their acquaintance was- she acted differently, even if only slightly. The Japanese rested his head on his arms, watching as Komui was being berated by the female, an amused smile on his lips, hidden by his arms. '_She's definitely a strange one…'_

xxx

"Good evening, everyone!"

All heads turned to the front (is there even a front?) of the large kitchen to see their supervisor, with several bumps and bruises on his head, with one of the new inventions of the Order, a microphone, was it called?, in his hand. "I hope everyone is enjoying this party." A wave of cheers answered his unsaid question, and a smile appeared on his face, "Alright! That's good to hear, now is who's ready for something else?"

Another cheer.

"Haha, alrighty! Everyone welcome her, even though you pretty much already did--here's Ka-"

"You really don't need all of that nonsense, Komui-san…" Karen came up beside him, ignoring the 'ahs' and 'ohs' coming from the finders, an annoyed expression clearly showing upon her face. "It's enough that you're even making me do this…don't push it."

Komui laughed nervously and handed her the mike. As soon as the small invention passed persons, the entire cafeteria became silent, all attention on the dark haired exorcist. Mentally, Karen cursed at Komui and placed the mike near her, a soft melody starting to play from out of nowhere. No one minded.

_Sailing out into the sea of twilight,  
__The two of us shall never cross paths again...  
__A golden light falls into the sea, the wind has paused  
__The two of us, frightened, hear only the light crashing of water_

If the cafeteria had been silent before she started, then now it would have been if she was singing to crowd of mutes, for there was no sound at all, as if no one was even breathing as the angel's voice rang throughout the entire tower.

_I've forgotten my path completely, what I believed in to make it this far  
__Leaving in me only enough kindness to say goodbye  
__No matter how many waves crash down as I cry out to my memories  
__I can't return to the shore you were on_

While others listened to the melody alone, there were some who listened to both that and her words. Lavi, was one. It was at times like these that he actually tried to understand the deeper meaning behind her song. Even the lullaby that she had sung for him time and time again, he still couldn't understand its meaning, or why she created it in the first place. In truth, he really didn't understand this girl that he called his flower, and probably one of the things he wanted to understand in this world, was her.

_With only the twilight in their embrace,  
__The waves of days past are already deep at the ocean's bottom  
__Knowing no sadness, dreaming blue dreams, fast asleep  
__The light of an unknown town flickers beyond the dark waters_

As the melody filled the room and enchanted everyone, there was one person who not only was entranced, like everyone else, but for reason felt as if he understood the meaning of this song. Why? Allen closed his eyes, allowing the soothing eminence to calm him. This voice, he knew he had heard it before, but where…and this girl, Karen, he was sure he had met her before. It was bugging him, this feeling of knowing her, but not knowing why. Maybe he met her during the time he was with Mana…?

_Back when the flowers of paradise seemed so very close  
__If I had crossed over one final distant wave at that time,  
__Would I have reached the shore you were on?_

A soft smile was placed on Linali's lips as she listened to her friend's voice, her head swaying to and fro slightly. As she listened, she couldn't help but wonder who the person in her song was. A parent? Guardian? Lover? She mentally laughed, she couldn't imagine Karen singing about someone like that. Maybe…maybe she sang for a family member?

_Sailing out into the sea of twilight,  
__The two of us shall never cross paths again  
__And the nights of falling asleep looking into your lonesome eyes will disappear  
__With only the twilight in their embrace,  
__The waves of days past are already deep at the ocean's bottom_

Kanda, like Allen, had his eyes closed, listening to the melody of her song. For some reason, it reminded him of home. He gritted his teeth at the thought, the thought of never crossing paths with _that person_. But then, it also made him curious. At that, he mentally laughed. Who would've thought, a simple song made the great Kanda Yuu curious. It made him curious about who this person she sang about was. Knowing her, it has to be someone very important, very close to her. But then again, from what he's learned about her, no one is very close to her, at least no one she's ever openly spoke about. Damn it, now he's even more curious. Why does it seem that the more Kanda tried understanding her, the more curious he got, and so therefore the more irritated he became with himself? This girl who no one knew about, whose icy glare matched his own, who always smiled, who always seemed to be hiding secrets behind that placid facade.

_Knowing no sadness, dreaming blue dreams, fast asleep  
__Sailing out into the sea of twilight,  
__The two of us shall never meet again  
__And the nights of falling asleep looking into your lonesome eyes will disappear_

Karen unconsciously allowed the last note to hang a while, the angelic voice reverberating throughout the entire cafeteria. There was a moment of silence as everyone realized that the song was over, then the inhabitants of the Black Order broke into applause, nearly everyone standing and cheering for an encore. Lavi was one of the first to his feet, clapping madly, Linali and Allen also standing and clapping. Even Kanda was clapping for her performance, though not as wildly as the others, but he was standing.

A chill went down the seventeen year old's spine as everyone stood and cheered, a flush coming to her cheeks. She turned and got off stage. Many in the crowd thought she was just embarrassed and had to get off stage to catch her breath, but the reason she did so was different. Outside the kitchen doors, Karen had a hand placed against her forehead, trying to clear her head. The clapping, the cheers, it was exactly like _that time._ Another chill went down her spine and she tried to repress it. Stupid memories, always coming up in the most inconvenient times.

xxx

"I'm gonna go get her, okay?" Allen said to the Lee siblings and went off. It didn't take him long, he found her almost right away, since she was leaning against the wall right next to the large doors leading into the kitchen.

"Karen-san."

Said girl jumped slightly, creating the perfect impression of being surprised. Of course, like with Kanda, she knew he was coming. "Hey Allen-kun…what're you doing out here?"

Allen smiled at her, that innocent smile of his. "Looking for you. Why did you run out?"

'_It's the same…his smile hasn't changed…and neither has he, apparently…' _She could feel her heart twisting within her chest.

Karen scratched the back of her head, "Um…got embarrassed, that's all…I didn't expect everyone to like it so much…"

"But you sing very well!" Allen told her, that smile still on his face. "I don't know why…but it's like I've heard it before…your song, I mean."

Karen blinked at him. "Really? I haven't sung that song in a long time…" That was truth. The first and only time she's sung this song was also the last that she--

"It was still really good!" the white haired exorcist insisted. Why did he feel compelled to make her feel accepted, loved? "Really. And everyone, I'm sure, wants to hear your last song."

Karen laughed slightly. "You're right…"

Allen beamed and pointed at the doors. "Hear that? They're still clapping."

At that, Karen laughed, and this time, she wasn't sure if it was legit or not. "Alright, alright. Let's go, then, Allen-kun."

xxx

As soon as Karen and Allen walked through the doors, the clapping rose to an even higher level. Allen was right, apparently everyone wanted an encore.

Karen made her way back to the make shift stage and as soon as the mike was in her hand again, the cafeteria was quiet once more. And only then, after a quick run through of what song to sing, the melodious resonance rang throughout the cafeteria once more. Though this time, the song held more meaning, more insight to her. However, it never occurred to her that it did, until much, much later, years after really.

_Prison gates won't open up for me  
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'  
Oh, I reach for you  
Well I'm terrified of these four walls  
These iron bars can't hold my soul in  
All I need is you  
Come please I'm callin'  
And oh I scream for you  
Hurry I'm fallin'_

Miranda, even if she didn't know this girl, loved her voice, entranced like everyone else in the room. It didn't matter to her if she didn't know her, just from the tone of her voice, she could already tell that this Karen was someone that she would come to admire and befriend. But she could also tell that, somehow, she was someone who was not to be taken lightly. Miranda smiled slightly, she couldn't wait to formally meet her.

_Show me what it's like  
To be the last one standing  
And teach me wrong from right  
And I'll show you what I can be  
Say it for me  
Say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth saving me_

Krory had his eyes closed, his head moving from side to side, a soft hum coming from his throat. Even if he didn't understand her interpretation of the song, Krory could interpret her song his own way. Immediately, the face of the one he loved so dearly appeared to him, her ruby lips formed in a genuine smile, her pale face glowing, her crimson orbs looking at him with so much love and concern. Say it if it's worth saving me…if only words could really work magic. Krory opened his eyes and looked at the figure whose voice filled the room. _'She really has a lot of things bottled up, doesn't she…Poor girl…'_

_Heaven's gates won't open up for me  
With these broken wings I'm fallin'  
And all I see is you  
These city walls ain't got no love for me  
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story  
And oh I scream for you  
Come please I'm callin'  
And all I need from you  
Hurry I'm fallin_

Bookman sat in the chair next to Komui, his ears listening intently to the song. Even if it was supposed to be a relaxing and enjoyable time--which it truly was, he couldn't argue with that--Bookman was still a Bookman, recording history with each passing minute. The girl he had first met years ago, while she was still in a general's care, he realized, really hadn't changed at all. No real recorded past, no family, not even a record of her past residences before her time with the General; a complete mystery. Almost like a certain white-haired exorcist. At that, Bookman's gaze wandered off to where the Destroyer of Time was sitting. Why did he supposedly have this eerie feeling that the two were connected? Especially since Karen, too, had a prediction from Hevlaska.

_Show me what it's like  
To be the last one standing  
And teach me wrong from right  
And I'll show you what I can be  
Say it for me  
Say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth saving me_

_Hurry I'm fallin'_

Another round of applause greeted her, but this time, instead of just standing and clapping, there were people who actually came up to her and gave her a hug. Lavi, Allen, and Linali, to be exact. Okay, maybe Lavi was the one who glomped his partner and Allen and Linali joined in the hug after they made sure they weren't going to be crushed by the redhead.

Introductions were made, Miranda, Krory, and Karen were soon on good terms, much quicker than anyone really expected. The rest of the night was full of merriment and cheer, everyone wore smiles on their faces, there wasn't a frown in sight, not even Bookman or Kanda, but Kanda wasn't smiling either, he was just…being Kanda.

One by one, everyone started to take their leave, heading towards their rooms with a full stomach and wonderful memories. Memories that would be with them until the day that they die, no matter how far, or how close, that day was. Pretty soon the only ones that were left were Komui, Allen, Linali, Lavi, and Karen.

"You guys head off to bed," Komui told them, mop in hand. "I'll finish up here."

Linali looked him over, suspicion apparent all over her face. "Are you sure, Nii-san?"

Komui flashed her and the others a wide grin and nodded, waving them off. "Goodnight!"

xxx

"What was that all about?" Linali mumbled. Her brother never wanted to clean anything by himself, let alone the entire cafeteria. He was definitely up to something, but what, she couldn't tell. And again, that was something new for her. Usually the Chinese could predict what was going through Komui's head, but at times like these, she highly doubted anyone could.

"Who knows," Allen mused, his thoughts very similar to the girl beside him. But there were other thoughts along with them. One of which was the same one that has been bothering him for a while now. Why couldn't he understand why the sudden curiosity about his new comrade? He just couldn't understand.

A soft noogie disrupted his thoughts. "Ack! Lavi!!" Allen wailed, trying to get away from the older boy's grip. "Let go!" He just heard him laugh.

"G'night, Moyashi-chan!" Lavi told him before letting go. He laughed again at Allen's reaction to being called a bean sprout. The face never tired him. "G'night, Linali!" And off he went, Karen by his side.

"Goodnight," she threw over her shoulder, a smile on her face. And again, for what seemed to be the fifteenth time that night, she didn't know if that smile was true or not.

:::End 9th Night:::

**(1) Onegai shimasu:**a way of saying please, used when making a request

**(2) Iie:** no

Again, sorry the long update! It's summer now, so I'll update faster--if I get off my lazy ass, that is. Don't forget about the little note at the top of the chapter -points-


	10. Nightmares and Dreams

**Disclaimer:**For the last time, I don't own anything. Never have, never will.

* * *

What Once Was  
10th Night: Nightmares and Dreams

That night Karen couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned for a while, and still she couldn't sleep. Why, she had no idea. Finally, she stood up and grabbed a clean uniform from her lone dresser. She changed and went out the door, deciding that a walk would do her some good.

She had no real destination, just wondering around the empty halls of the Order, the only sound were the soft clicking of her boots and the flicker of the torches. Other than that, it was dead silent. Karen did not care. After a few years, nothing really fazed her anymore, not really. Her mask allowed her to act and portray emotions like everyone else in the Order, except maybe Kanda. And it was because of her mask that everyone believed her to be the person she wanted them to believe she was.

She wasn't.

As she wandered, her thoughts wandered as well, from the day's events to how everything started, to the few moments with her hated parents. Closing her eyes, she tried to tune it all out, that's why she had this mask, after all. To deceive, to be able to hide her real emotions, to try and deceive herself. After all, what she really wanted was to forget. Forget everything.

Unconsciously, her pace slowed as her memories came to her, but she only stopped when a soft voice came to her ears,

"Mana."

Karen stopped dead, her eyes open now, all previous thoughts gone and replaced by the figure in a black suit, top hat, and caring smile, though his face was covered in shadow. She turned her head in the direction where the voice came from and saw that his door was opened, barely, but it was open.

Soft whimpers came from within the door, muffled crying, and his voice strained, begging, "Don't leave me, Mana…please…Mana…"

Automatically, Karen's hand went up, to push the door and go to his side, to comfort him, to tell him that everything was all right. She stopped herself. How could she do that? After all the effort she's done to get this far, how could she just ruin everything now? But his cries awakened something within her that she hoped she could've kept buried for a long time. She bit her lip and turned away, away from Allen's door, away from both his and her past, walking swiftly back toward her room.

Unbeknownst to her, Linali watched from the shadows. Like Karen, she couldn't sleep either, and so she walked around the halls like she usually did, heading toward the Science Department to see if her brother or any of the other scientist needed anything--coffee, most likely. And instead she comes across this strange sight.

A sudden fear shot through her. What if Karen had feelings for Allen? Shaking her head, she pushed those thoughts aside. Karen was older than Allen, wasn't she? By two years, why would she have eyes on someone who was younger? But then again, she shouldn't be talking. After all, Allen was younger than her, supposedly, but by what--a few months? Linali turned and walked toward her previous destination, trying to block out both her thoughts and Allen's whimpers.

xxx

"Finally!"

Lavi stretched his aching back, his arms raised above his head. "Geez…even after a party, the old man doesn't let up on the work…argh, my back hurts…" he complained to no one in particular. He sighed and continued his way to his room, closing his eyes. He's been in the Order long enough to memorize where every room in the tower was, and whose it belonged to. He didn't need his eyes to reach his own. But that didn't mean that he knew where everybody was. He turned a corner and nearly ran into someone.

"Sorry!"

When the other person didn't answer, or even make a sound, Lavi quickly opened his eyes and blinked. "Hana-chan?"

Said girl looked up at him, surprise apparent on her face. "Lavi?"

For a moment, the both of them just stood there, blinking. Then Lavi remembered what time it was. "What're you doing up at this hour!?"

"Haha, umm…I was just…uh…" she looked away. Why couldn't she form an excuse? Why couldn't she even think straight? She gritted her teeth and looked back up at him, noting his worried expression. "I couldn't sleep so I just walked around, I'm heading back to my room now. Anything wrong with that?" She knew her voice betrayed what her face showed him. For some reason, she couldn't regain her composure. Was she that afraid of her past?

"Well no…but isn't your room that way?" he pointed to the end of the hallway opposite the direction she was heading.

"W-well, yes, b-but…I was uh…" Karen could feel her face burning up. About why, she had no idea.

Lavi couldn't help but chuckle. "Fine, I won't ask, but…come on, off to bed with you. It's late," he told her.

Karen shook her head, immediately recalling something like this happening before. Why, oh why, did she start remembering this now. "I-It's fine. I'm not even tired."

"Go to bed already."

"I'm fine!"

Lavi sighed. "Sure…just like my back isn't killing me right now."

"Then why don't you go to bed?"

"I will, as soon as you're in bed."

Before she could argue any further, Lavi took her hand and started walking down the dimly lit hall, towards her room. "It's unhealthy to stay up this late and wake up early, especially to train with Yuu-chan."

"I don't care." Amazing, simply amazing. Even now she was arguing. What a stubborn girl.

"Well that's too bad, Hana-chan, 'cause I do." And with that, he basically dragged her to her room, despite her rantings.

"Lavi, I'm not tired!" Even as she spoke, a wave of nausea came over her, bringing with it a deafening roar in her ears that made her want to do nothing but sleep. Immediately, her body felt as if it was being weighed down by unseen chains, wishing to pull her down into an endless abyss.

Turning back to give her a glare, Lavi noticed something he hadn't noticed before. "Are you sure…you look pale, Hana-chan." He stopped and placed a hand on her forehead, noting the dazed look that her eyes had gained.

"I'm fine, Lavi…" Inwardly, Karen yelled at herself. Why couldn't she regain control?

"You do realize what time it is at least, don't you?"

"Fine, if I go to bed will you leave?" The unknown wave, the uncontrolled emotions and reactions, everything was really starting to irritate her. Maybe all she needed really was some rest.

"Fine, just sleep…I'm worried about you, Hana-chan." And he really was. He opened her unlocked door and lead her inside. He just couldn't understand why she was so stubborn, about her own health too. It only worried him more when she hurried inside and he heard something small click against the wooden desk, though it also added to his curiosity.

"Don't be stupid, Lavi. You don't need to worry about me. Goodnight." And without even turning the lights on, the female turned and pushed the redhead out of her room, softly closing the door behind him and sighed. Walking to the bathroom, a hum softly came from her throat, a song from long ago following soon after.

_Shine bright morning light  
__Now in the air the spring is coming_

Even with her head throbbing and body screaming for the soft mattress, the words came out smooth and strong, even as she changed and brushed her hair. She made her way toward her bed but instead went towards her window, not really knowing why. Looking up at the moon, she was instantly reminded of the first time she sang this song, the cool breeze blowing her long dark locks away from her face.

_Sweet blowing wind  
__Singing down the hills and valleys_

A soft smile played on Lavi's lips as he heard his flower. Putting his head back and closing his eyes, he let himself fall into a dreamless slumber, the smile blooming out into full view. "Hana-chan…"

_Keep your eyes on me  
__Now we're on the edge of hell_

"M-Mana…" Allen tossed and turned once more before unconsciously hearing something so soothing, he couldn't help but stay still in order to listen to it, even if he was asleep. _'That…that voice again…and that song…'_ A new image entered Allen's slumbering mind, and along with it, a warm and comforting light, something that the white-haired boy hasn't felt in a long time.

_Dear my love, sweet morning light  
__Wait for me, you've gone much farther, too far_

"_Who's there…?"_ Allen asked the figure. He received no reply and instead, received a loving smile, even if the figure was covered in shadow. He did know that he knew this person, and could only look on as she came forward, all the shadows and dreaded souls surrounding his tattered form hissing away like frightened animals. He stayed where he was, deep into the pool of warm dark liquid, looking up as the girl came closer to him, noting that even the darkness seemed to slink away from her very being, as if she was an angel sent to him by God; a Guardian Angel, just for him.

_Shine bright morning light  
__Now in the air the spring is coming_

The angel reached out to him, that smile still upon her face. Allen hesitated, how could he sully the pure being in front of him with his filthy hands? Hands stained with blood, clothes and tattered body covered with bruises and cuts, his eyes weary from the darkness. He didn't want to taint her for some unknown reason. He simply felt guilty to even ask her help, even if he didn't voice it. The boy hung his head, tears starting to form in his eyes. Tears that he refused to show in front of her.

"_Allen."_

Said boy's head immediately shot up, tears spilling from his blue-gray orbs. He was surprised to find her kneeling in front of him, as if she was hovering right above the sea of blood he bathed in. Even more so when she reached out and wrapped her arms around his battered form. _"Allen…"_ Immediately, the scene of his nightmare disappeared and was replaced by a serene mountainside, the two of them on the shore near the lake. Looking around, Allen knew he was here before, recalling his previous dream. He looked down and saw that his clothes had changed, they were clean now, not a hint of blood was upon them. He looked up at the person's face, only to see that it was still covered in shadow, but that smile of hers remained.

"_Who…are you?"_

_Sweet blowing wind  
__Singing down the hills and valleys_

"_Don't cry, Allen."_ Her voice was so familiar, so soothing to his ears. _"I'll always be here to protect you. I won't let anything happen to you…"_

_Keep your eyes on me  
__Now we're on the edge of hell_

Allen slept soundly the rest of the night, the nightmares dare not come near him. A smile was placed upon his face, no longer contorted in pain or fear.

_Dear my love, sweet morning light  
__Wait for me, you've gone much farther, too far_

xxx

The following morning, the raven-haired female awoke to a light series of knocks. Groaning slightly, she sat up, "Who is it?"

"Just me. Can I come in?"

Karen blinked and looked out her window. It was just the break of dawn, what was Lavi doing up this early?

"Yeah. Door's unlocked." Her eyes quickly gazed over to the desk next to her, thankful that _that_ was still face-down on the wood. Ever since she's been here, the only people to ever be inside her room were Lavi and Kanda. Each only came in once before, with Lavi's exception of last night.

For some reason, a wave of nausea hit her and she lay back down, a hand placed over her head. _'Where did that come from…'_

"You feeling better, Hana-chan?" Karen looked up, surprised to see the redhead with a tray full of food. "Thought ya might be hungry."

"Why are you doing this…?" Karen asked as she sat back up, leaning against the front of her bed. An amused laugh came from the older boy as he brought a chair next to her bed and placed the tray down.

"Well, we're friends, right?" he asked her, his ever cheerful smile on his face.

'_Friends…? Right…friends…'_

"You really shouldn't have…"

Lavi just continued to smiled at her, all his worry placed behind that goofy smile of his. After all, Karen wasn't the only one at the Order who had a mask. He reached over and placed a hand on her forehead. "Least you're not getting a fever or anything. You feel okay, right?" His smile seemed to widen when the female nodded. "That's good. Well, I'll just leave you alone then."

"It's okay if you want to stay," Karen was surprised at herself. Why did she say that? Sheepishly, hand covering her mouth, she looked over at Lavi, who still had that smile on his face. She didn't know it, but for the first time in a long while, a soft blush tinted her cheeks.

"I wish I could, but I cant. Bookman still wants me to finish those recordings." Though his voice didn't portray it, the Bookman Apprentice was ecstatic. Maybe, just maybe, she liked him? However, as soon as the thought crossed his mind, he mentally hit himself. She would never like anyone like him, a person who didn't even have a true identity, someone whose name was only an alias to go by until he was known as Bookman. Still, the one called Lavi couldn't help but feel…_happy._ Even if it was against regulations, to house these feelings for someone, he just couldn't help it, he couldn't help but feel like she was blushing at _him_, not at the person he wanted her to see. "But then again, I could always blow him off, right?"

"No, don't do that. I don't want you to get in trouble with the old man 'cause of me," she told him, the blush fading away, even if she wasn't aware it was there in the first place. What she said was true, however, she really did not want him to get in trouble. For what reason, though, she had no idea. Why? That one word question kept coming into her mind. Every time she was with the redhead, she felt like she could open up to him, even for a little, and smile like she truly meant it. And what did this fluttery feeling in the depths of her stomach mean? Oh how she hated emotions.

"Well…alright then. If you need anything, just ask," the Bookman in training stood, heading towards the door. "Oh, and Hana-chan?" he turned in the doorway, smiling like an idiot.

"Hm?"

"Get better, 'kay?" And he left.

xxx

For some reason, after that little meeting with the Bookman-in-training, the raven-haired female never felt better, even if she wasn't sick in the first place. All throughout the following day, nothing was out of the ordinary, no random hits of nausea, no killer headaches. Nothing of the sort.

It was a pretty boring day, no missions were assigned, which, of course, was suspicious in itself but no one complained. Bookman had Lavi working in the library practically all day, Linali was helping Komui and the rest of the Science Department, Allen was there too, Miranda and Krory were training, and on more than one occasion the two of them spent at least ten minutes apologizing to one another for no real absolute reason. Kanda, of course, was training by his lonesome self, but it really couldn't be considered lonesome, since Karen was with him most of the day.

"Man, Gramps, you just wanna put me to work, don't you," Lavi complained, stretching. There was a small crash as Bookman jump kicked the eighteen year old in the face. "Hey, that was unnecessary!"

"Hmph. You better be done with those scrolls when I get back, Lavi," was all the Bookman said as he exited the library and headed towards Hevlaska's chamber, leaving a steaming redhead behind.

xxx

"_Ah, Bookman. What do I owe this pleasant visit?"_

"Hevlaska…there is something I need to confirm." Bookman's voice was stern, his expression matching the coldness of his voice.

The tentacle-armed exorcist nodded. She knew when others were being serious or not, when they were in pain or simply faking it. Bookman, now, was as serious as ever. _"What do you wish to know, Bookman?"_

The old man nodded, "That girl, Karen. Do you have any knowledge about her past? Anything at all?"

"_All that I know is that she was under the care of General Cloud Nine, but she was not one of her students. I do not know the reason for that or that came to be._"

"I see…" Bookman was quiet for a while as he pondered about that seventeen year old. He sat down on the floating platform, hands inside his sleeves. Hevlaska waited patiently for him to continue, it wasn't like she had anything else to do. "Hevlaska."

"_Yes, Bookman?"_

"I heard this from Komui, but I need to make sure. I need to hear it from you."

"_If you heard it from Komui, then the information he has given you is presumably correct."_

"Yes, I am aware of that, but I still need to be sure."

Hevlaska nodded, she understood what he meant. He was a Bookman, after all, and as a Bookman, all of his data and recordings of history and events had to be correct and precise. _"Ask away."_

"When Karen first came here, to be gauged her innocence, she, like Allen, was told a prophecy by you. What was that prophecy? What is she known as, in the Prophecy of the Destroyer, the Innocence Battle from long ago?"

"_She is…"_ Hevlaska hesitated for a moment, _"She is the Guardian of the Destroyer."_

xxx

Karen sighed. _'Not again…'_

It was nighttime now, and judging from the height of the moon, and how silent the Tower was, it was, like the night before, late and she still couldn't sleep. "Why doesn't it seem like I can get a decent night's sleep anymore…" Karen muttered to herself and got up. Like the night before, she changed and started wondering around, no real destination in mind. Well, none that she was aware of.

It seems as though the unconscious mind is a strange thing. Even if the conscious has no real thought of where to go, the subconscious has a way of working things to the point of leading the body to a certain destination in which the host has no idea until they are actually there. Thus, it was with Karen's subconsciousness. And oh, how she loathed it now.

Before she realized it, Karen was in the part of the Tower where Allen's room was. As of now, she was in the hallway that led to his room. She stopped when she realized where she was, and she contemplated whether or not to leave and go back to her room, right then and there. But there was something within her that did not allow her to move one step back. Only to step forward.

And so she did. As she did, she immediately regretted it. His room was slightly open again, but it wasn't open far enough for people to notice that it was open. She only noticed because she had a feeling that her subconscious was leading her to his room. And like the night before, soft whimpers and cries came from the fifteen year olds space. This time, however, she knew she couldn't run away.

Karen hesitantly raised her hand in front of the door. Her hand was shaking. In fact, she was shaking entirely. No, she couldn't run away. Not when he was practically crying, right in front of her. Taking a deep breath, she carefully opened his door and entered his room.

Her breath caught in her throat as she saw Allen's sleeping form thrashing about, tears falling down his pale face. In the moonlight, he would've looked like an angel, the light bouncing off his silver face and pale face, but right now, he looked like a fallen angel that was being tortured by the devil. His hands clutched the sheets around him, face contorted in agony, his soft whimpering emanating around the small room.

"Allen…" Karen whispered. Cautiously, without a sound, she made her way towards his form and brushed a few strands away from his face. "It's alright, Allen. Everything's okay…don't cry…"

xxx

He ran as fast as his legs could carry him. Screams of the souls that he couldn't save echoed after him, the bandaged mummies surrounding him from all sides as he slipped and fell into the murky water. No, not water. It was far too thick and sticky to be water. Allen yelped as he realized it was blood. Innocent blood spilled by the Earl. "N-no…get away from me…" Allen whimpered. He tried to activate his innocence but found that he couldn't. A black chain was wrapped around his anti-akuma hand and it was because of that that he couldn't activate his arm. He turned and ran, ran away from it all, toward the destroyed buildings, past the disemboweled bodies of people, or what used to be people, past the broken limbs and organs floating around in the sea of blood. "Mana!" he cried out, just as a figure of a man appeared on a nearby area of desolate land. "Mana!" he cried once more, trying to reach his foster father. But the closer he tried to come, the farther away Mana became. "Mana, no…don't go…Mana, don't leave me, please! Mana!" He reached out, as if he could grab his hand or his black coat.

His eyes widened and a cry escaped his lips as Mana, the man he loved so dearly, was pierced through, an Akuma laughing sadistically behind him, only to fade away into the darkness surrounding everything. "Mana!" Allen ran to his side, no longer in the sea of blood he was in before. "Mana, father, please, please, don't leave me again. Mana!"

"_Allen…just keep…walking forward…" _Mana's famous words.

Allen shook his head, tears falling from his eyes. "Papa, don't leave me!" Allen found himself a child again, crying over the loss of the only family he ever had, the only one he remembered that loved him. He shook his head, his original brown locks swaying this way and that, "Don't die, Mana!"

"_It's too late for that, Allen Walker"_

Allen looked up as the shadow of a large being with a top hat and rabbit ears appeared beside him and he couldn't help but move away from the Millennium Earl.

"_My dear Allen Walker. Do you want to see your father again?"_

With a cry, Allen covered his ears, his eyes shut tight, just as the skeleton akuma form of Mana appeared in front of him. _"A-Allen…"_ Allen tried blocking it out, this was just a dream, it wasn't real! _"How could you turn me into an Akuma?!"_

It wasn't real!

Another cry escaped Allen's lips as his anti-akuma weapon activated on its own and destroyed his father, then went back to being chained up, the black chains clenching his arm so tightly it could break the bone.

"_Dear Allen…come with me, then you won't be in so much pain, yes?"_

"Go away!" Allen turned and ran away from the malevolent being, only to come face to face with the fated souls of Akuma, all reaching out to him, _'Help me…'_ Only to be destroyed by a sadistic little girl with short spiky hair, licking a lollipop. A man wearing a black suit and top hat with slicked back curly hair stood beside her, the same sadistical grin on his face. Allen stood there, shock rooted him to the spot. "R-Rhode…Tyki…"

Said Noahs grinned and reached their hands out towards Allen. _"Come with us, Allen. The Destroyer of Time should be spared in the destruction of the world…"_

Taking a step back, Allen ran away from them, yelping as he realized he was back in the sea of blood. He could hear the following movement of the Noah and the Earl and he tried to run faster through the murky substance. He could feel his tears falling down his dirtied face, his entire body feeling like it could collapse at any moment. Another yelp escaped his lips as he tripped and fell once more into the dark sea. He heard laughter behind him, _"Poor little Allen--"_

"_It's alright, Allen. Everything's okay, don't cry…"_

Allen looked up, and once again saw her. He bit his lower lip and reached out to her, he didn't want to be here anymore, even if it was a dream--a nightmare. He wanted someone to comfort him, and even though he knew it was selfish of him, that was what he wanted most of all right now.

xxx

Karen moved his pillow and carefully sat on the bed, his head upon her lap. She brushed a few more strands of hair out of his face, stroking his hair with her other hand. "I have a new song for you, Allen…" she whispered to him, saying exactly what she had said to him so many years ago, "…wanna hear it?" She nearly laughed as the boy nodded, even if it was an unconscious act. "You really haven't changed, Allen…" she lowered her head, her bangs casting shadows across her eyes. If it wasn't for the moonlight shining down on the two, the tears that formed in her eyes would never have been visible, a single glimmering tear falling down her face, leaving a trail of wet sorrow behind, fell and gently landed on the boy's sleeping face.

_If you are lost in your way  
Deep in an awesome story  
Don't be in doubt and stray  
Cling to your lonesome folly_

Allen closed his eyes as the angel held him. He felt warm now, the cold no longer nipping at his tattered form, though his tears still fell. He could hear the shadows, the darkness, the Earl and the Noahs all fading away. Turning in her arms, he buried his face against the base of her neck and shoulder, trying to stop the tears that were still flowing. Even if he had only seen her for the second time, he felt as if he knew her from long ago, this feeling almost exactly like what he felt with a certain dark-haired exorcist. Were these two beings…one in the same? No…they couldn't be…couldn't they?

_Now you're too close to the pain  
Let all the rain go further  
Come back and kiss me in vain  
Mother oh do not bother_

The seventeen year old continued to stroke his hair comfortingly, a soft smile on her lips as she sang. He was no longer tossing or turning, his face no longer scrunched up in pain, no longer clutching his sheets around him. Instead, he looked like he was sleeping soundly for a while, his hands no clutching the sheets, his knuckles no longer turning white, no more whimpers coming forth. Now, he really did look like an angel. _'They had no right in calling you a demon…no right at all…'_

_Hear the chorus of pain  
Taking you back to proper ways  
It's so easy to find  
If you could remind me_

They were no longer in that blood-filled area of destruction, nor were they in the serene mountainside, instead they were in a cozy little room, a small fireplace in front of them, the warm flames softly dancing around in their wooden platform. Allen lay on her lap, absolutely comfortable, even if he knew she was a stranger…wasn't she? He looked up, only to see that her face was still covered in shadow, only her smile was visible to him. "Who…who are you? I know you…don't I?" The female stayed silent, save for the song that came from her throat, and just continued to smile at him. Allen closed his eyes, and his hand somehow finding hers. "You're here…to protect me…aren't you…"

_Now you are lost in your way  
Deep in an awesome story  
So I will find you again  
Kiss you for lonesome folly_

Karen's eyes widened ever so slightly, just as she finished the song, as she heard the words from him. She bowed her head, shutting her eyes tightly, letting a soft sob erupt from her throat. "Th-that's right, Allen…I won't let anything happen to you…I never have…and I won't start now, Allen…" she whispered.

xxx

Linali stood near the door, in the exact place where she was the previous night, all emotions drained from her usually smiling face. She had no idea what to think or feel at the moment, how could she know? Closing her eyes, she turned on her heel and headed back to her room. _'I'll ask her about it later.'_

:::End 10th night:::

I am soooo sorry this took so long -sweat drop- Hope you liked it! Next chapter should be up...right about now -points-


	11. Mission: Japan

**Disclaimer:** Don't own anything

* * *

What Once Was  
11th night: Mission-Japan

Breakfast was the usual routine, the short line going up to Jerry's window, Finders and exorcists filling the many tables of the cafeteria--which had somehow been cleaned and placed back in proper order overnight--Kanda eating by himself, Linali, Lavi, and Allen, along with his tremendously large amount of food, eating together and having quite a good time. The only difference was the presence of Karen in the room, though no one was bothered by her. After getting her meal from Jerry, she walked absent-mindedly toward an empty table. That is, until a certain redheaded Bookman apprentice called her over.

She placed a small smile on her face and headed towards the threesome. It didn't surprise her in the least when she saw how much food Allen was stuffing into his mouth. However, seeing that smile of his relieved her, though she didn't let anything of the sort express itself on her face.

"Allen, you shouldn't eat so fast," she told him, sitting down next to Lavi. "You might choke." Sometimes, it even surprised her how much her voice sounded so convincing, unknowingly deceiving those around her. But then again, that was what she intended.

"Oh, don't worry about Allen-kun, Ka-chan. He's eaten much more than this at once," Linali told her. She decided that she would ask the raven-haired girl about the previous night another time, but for what reason she didn't know. That song of hers, it sounded so sad, yet so soothing at the same time, Linali just couldn't bring herself to interrogate the other girl about her past, about her connection to Allen. But then again, if Karen and Allen knew each other when they were younger, why didn't the two of them recognize each other when Lavi first introduced them to her? And wouldn't Lavi know?

The Chinese took a glance at Lavi and saw nothing but the usual smile of his, even if it seemed to be wider than usual. She knew the reason for that, and her eyes wandered to Karen. She was smiling and interacting with them all as if nothing happened the previous night. It occurred to Linali that Karen was someone who could hide things easily, if she wanted. After all, not even her eyes looked swollen, but Linali swore she heard sobs coming from the room, and they weren't Allen's.

"Linali?"

Lavi's concerned voice brought her back to reality. "Huh?" Linali sweat dropped as all pairs of eyes were on her, curious and somewhat worried at the same time.

"You okay, Linali?" the redhead asked again.

The girl smiled sheepishly and nodded, once again returning to her neglected food, trying to cast all thoughts of the previous night into the back of her mind and somehow managed with a bit of willpower. She knew, though, that they would come back to talk to her before she knew it. But she was okay with that. She would much rather talk to Karen about it in private, when the boys were nowhere within earshot. A pang of guilt rang through her as she realized that she didn't completely trust Karen, at least not yet.

Lavi raised his brows, "You sure? Looks like you got something' on your mind."

Inwardly, Linali grimaced. Why was he always so observational when he didn't need to be? Then again, Lavi is a Bookman apprentice.

"I'm sure." A sweet and sincere smile.

Karen, though no one had even mentioned it at all, had a gut feeling that whatever was bothering Linali was because of her. She thought that she heard someone in the hallway last night, but didn't think anything of it until now. Why, why, didn't she follow her instincts and check outside? But then again, she couldn't bring herself to leave Allen's side, she knew that for sure.

Keeping a kind smile on her face, she allowed her mind to wander back to the previous night. She had done what she had done because she didn't want anything like that to happen to him anymore. But deep inside she knew that it wouldn't work like that. She mentally sighed and yelled at herself. If he had woken up, he would've remembered, she was sure. And although a part of her did want him to remember, the part of her that didn't want him to was stronger. Karen was sure, she did not want Allen Walker to remember his past connections with her.

The rest of breakfast went on as usual, the chatter and mild noise reigned dominant throughout the entire refectory. Just as the exorcists were done with their meal, and simply watching Allen finish his last dozens plates or so, River came through the door, a somewhat serious and disturbed expression upon his face.

He came to their table and stood at the end of it, closest where the exorcists sat. "Allen, Linali, Lavi, Karen. Come to Komui's office as soon as you're finished." With that, he went over to another table and told the same message to Miranda and Krory. Finally, on his way back out the door, he stopped by Kanda's lonesome table and told him the same.

Lavi watched River as he did so, blinking curiously. "Komui needs a mission that involves so many exorcists? Something must be up…" The others silently agreed before getting up and heading towards the head supervisor's cluttered office, as soon as Allen stuffed his last dumpling in his mouth. As they passed, Miranda and Krory joined them, followed by Kanda. A procession of exorcists toward a single room. Everyone could already tell that something was going to happen.

xxx

Komui, though usually sleeping and procrastinating, stared wearily at two sets of documents on the table in front of him. He closed his eyes, his thumbs gently rubbing circles upon his temple. The curtain certainly is drawn, and the main play begins, just as the Earl has said. One mission, he was sure, he could just have two exorcists perform without much trouble, hopefully. On the other, he was sure that that the number of exorcists had to be increased, at least for this one. He sighed.

Again, he would sending his little sister into battle. Again, it might be the last time that he would ever see her. Again, he took that chance. Again, he sent her with a smile and hope that she would return. Again, he could already feel the regretful sensation occurring in him, and he didn't even send her out yet. He knew that this was going to be a dangerous mission for them all.

Oh, how right he was.

Komui lifted his head as the door to his office swung open and seven exorcists filed in, the reflection of his glasses covering his eyes.

"Komui-niisan? Why did you call so many of us here..?" Linali asked, settling down into a spot on the couch in front of his desk, careful not to sit or step on any of the mounds upon mounds of paper in his office.

Komui sighed and waited until all of God's Messengers took a seat. He stood and went around his desk, leaning back against it as he looked at them all.

"As you can probably tell, there is a new mission for all of you, two missions actually. Miranda, Krory, you are to head to France and any of its neighboring countries thereafter. A significant amount of Akuma have been appearing there, and I want you to investigate why, not to mention look to see if any Innocence is the cause for their appearance. I shall tell you about the others' mission once you are done with the one you are assigned. You are to leave immediately."

He handed them each a folder. The two exorcists nodded and stood, turning to leave their supervisor's office and prepare for their mission. Both worrisome exorcists had the same thought in their minds: what mission was so dangerous that he needed five exorcists to accomplish? They left with the hope that their friends shall be safe on their journey.

Turning his attention back to the remaining exorcists, they couldn't help but notice Komui's grim expression. This mission seemed to be really dangerous, indeed.

"Komui-niisan?" Linali asked worriedly. "Daijoubu dessu ka?**(1)**"

Her older brother nodded and returned to his previous spot on his desk. He clicked his fingers and the lights turned off. Projecting above his desk, on the screen, was a map of Japan.

"Your mission," he began, "is to go to Japan and retrieve a piece of Innocence found there."

"If that's all, then not everyone here needs to come along," Kanda told him, icily. "Why send us all?"

Komui said nothing, and instead the screen changed from Japan, to the picture of a girl, not much older than Kanda or Lavi. She had long, dark blue hair, dark enough to be black, and dark, soothing eyes. She wore a lavishly decorated kimono, half her hair up in a _taka shimada_**(2)**, some _kanzashi_**(3)** dangling down her hairand the over half cascading down her back.

"Sakura-hime!"

Kanda's sudden burst surprised everyone, with the exception of Komui. He was even out of his seat, nothing but incredulity shown on his usually unemotional face, then he turned to Komui, angry. "What's the meaning of this, Komui!? Why is a picture of what Sakura-hime would've looked like around this time up there--?"

"Let me explain, Kanda," Komui answered as calmly as he could, much to the surprise of everyone else in the room. Usually, an angry Kanda would've shot Komui clear onto the other side of the tower without so much as a second glare. However, this time, when Kanda was clearly angry, Komui stood his ground.

Kanda relented and sat back down, anger, surprise, and disbelief, all shown on his face. It truly was a sight to see, Kanda, of all people, showing so many emotions--and at once too. The moment would've been comical if not for the ever growing tension within the cluttered room.

"As Kanda pointed out, this is Princess Sakura, daughter of the late Lord Masa, heir to the lands of Inuyama**(4)**," Komui started.

"That doesn't explain why a picture of what she would've looked like is up there, Komui." Kanda interjected, growling. A few fingers twitched, a hand on the top of Mugen's hilt.

"I was getting to that," Komui said, hurriedly, "Anyway, Princess Sakura was previously thought of as dead, due to the Earl's invasion of Japan so many years ago. It's only been recently that one of our supporters, which was also one of Princess Sakura's guards, contacted us and reported that the princess is alive and safe--for now. The number of Akuma have been increasing tremendously around the areas of Japan, and soon, according to him, the Akuma and the Earl will find their safe haven. Your mission is to not only find and retrieve any remaining Innocence the Earl might've missed, but to also bring Princess Sakura here, safe and sound."

xxx

"_Without letting the Earl know you are there."_

Allen sighed as he remembered the last bits of information Komui gave to them. They were going to Japan, find an innocence that may not even be there, and to find, protect, and bring this Princess Sakura back to headquarters with them. And on top of that, Kanda sure seemed to know this girl.

Allen's mind wandered as to the many infinite number of possibilities that Kanda knew her, especially since when her picture came up, so many emotions that he was sure Kanda didn't even have, appeared; simply because of this girl's picture. She must really be someone important for Kanda to--

"Oi, Moyashi, stop staring into space like that. You're drooling."

Immediately, Allen's hand went up to his mouth to wipe the unsightly sticky liquid off, only to find that nothing was there. A vein appeared on Allen's head and he glared at Kanda's smirking form.

"That was uncalled for, Kanda!"

"Then don't stare at nothing like you're actually thinking and using your brain, since you obviously don't have one."

"Hey!"

"Now, now, calm down you two…"

A somewhat hesitant Lavi was the one who broke up another one of the Japanese and British exorcists' meaningless fights.

In order to get to Japan in the quickest way possible, Komui had told them to take a boat there. A Finder would be waiting for them at the underground waterway to escort them to the docks. From there, he would accompany them to the islands then sail back. A Finder would most likely get in the way in this mission.

It had only been a few hours and already the two of them were going at it, like cat and dog. Or maybe in this case a kitten and dog. Always bickering, even over the most minute of matters, as like in this case. It was amazing in itself that the two of them hadn't killed each other at this point in time. And even more amazing that Kanda hadn't killed Allen, even after all the times that the two had been paired together on missions. So many opportunities to kill the younger boy and yet on every mission they both came back, safe and sound, if not badly injured and maybe near death, but nonetheless alive.

And to think, five days of their bickering over seas. It would be a miracle if _all_ exorcists survived just that.

xxx

"Just…a few more hours…just a few more…"

"Stop complaining, Moyashi."

"Why don't you just mind your own business!"

"Ensuring that the mission goes accordingly _is_ my business!"

"That's not the point!"

"Yes, it is, you dumbass!"

"Hey! You don't need to go and call me dumbass, you prom princess!"

"What'd you say?!"

"You heard me! Why don't you just go somewhere else and tend to that shiny hair of yours! I swear your hair's too pretty to be a guy's!"

"What, are you jealous of my hair, Moyashi?"

"Stop calling me that, you nitwit!"

"It's not my fault that you are!"

A three-fold sigh occurred. No matter how obscure the reason, a yelling contest would ensure for a while, then the drawing of Mugen, then the destruction of the surrounding deck, then one of them would have to break them up. They all sighed simultaneously again as they heard the katana being drawn.

"Why don't you just _die, Moyashi!?"_

"Aaahh! Watch where you're pointing that thing, Kanda! H-hey!"

A shriek. A crash. A cloud of debris. A yell.

Linali sighed once more. "Someone break them up…"

"Why don't you?" Lavi asked, his head propped up against his arms, resting against the rails.

"I broke them up yesterday. Ka-chan?"

"Fine…" the dark-haired girl mumbled some incoherent words, which both Lavi and Linali were sure were curses, and went over to the area of destruction. "Okay, you two, calm down. You're gonna break the ship." She quickly ducked as something silver came out from the clouds and surprisingly caught the blade securely in-between her thumb and forefinger. Though of course, if Mugen had innocence activated, anyone highly doubted if Karen would have those digits anymore. But of course, no innocence was present, and Mugen was just a blade. A sharp, deadly, pointy blade.

A whistle came from Lavi's lips as he saw what just transpired. "Geez…only Hana-chan would have enough guts to catch Mugen like that."

Linali could only nod as she watch on with the same progressive amazement as Lavi.

"Come on you guys, you've done enough damage for one day," Karen told them as their forms were revealed, the dust clouds parting ways, only to reveal Allen slunk down on the floor, pressed right up against the railing, Kanda standing right over him. The Japanese could've, would've, beheaded the white haired exorcist with his katana if not for Karen holding his blade in place. "Now just calm down, Yuu-chan…"

"Stop calling me by my first name, already," Kanda retorted as he withdrew his blade. Casting a glare at both Allen and Karen, and even to Linali and Lavi, the Japanese left towards his room.

"Looks like Kanda just gets more and more irritable the closer we get to Japan," Linali mused, helping the shaken Allen to his feet. You'd think one would be used to this kind of thing if it occurred for four days straight, and Allen would've agreed if it wasn't him usually at the pointed end of Mugen's blade.

"You're telling me…" Allen mumbled, dusting himself off. He muttered a few thing under his breath, hoping that something would befall the foul tempered exorcist on his way to his room. A yell and a curse was soon heard from the direction in which Kanda was headed and Allen couldn't help but snicker. Linali and Lavi raised brows at Allen's reaction but nonetheless didn't say anything.

A very scared looking Dill ran towards them, from the direction where they heard the recent commotion. "S-save me!" he gasped, hiding behind Karen. He practically yelped as a particular katana wielder came back into view.

"Yuu-chaaaan…" Karen whined. "Stop picking on the poor Finder…" But even as she spoke, she bit her lower lip, trying not to laugh at the sight of the usually groomed swordsman. While he was just fine a moment ago, what looked like smoldering hot porridge was all over the eighteen year old. The others, however, wasn't so much in control of their emotions as Karen was.

Simultaneously, Linali, Allen, and Lavi, all burst out laughing, earning a death glare from Kanda. "You…are…_dead_!!!" Kanda roared as he charged towards the three, Mugen drawn, pointed straight at them. Basically, a game of cat and mice ensued, all going in a circle around Karen and Dill, both of whom were just standing there, a sweat drop on their heads.

All movement ceased with the single statement from the finder:

"Japan, dead ahead!"

xxx

"That was easy enough," Linali murmured, looking out from the bushes they hid in. They all had gotten past the few level one Akuma that surrounded the docking point, and they had successfully gotten past the few level twos that wandered about in the area. "The question now is…where do we go?"

"Komui-san said something about that guardian and supporter coming to get us, but I haven't seen anyone," Lavi said, he too looking around.

"Ano…Lavi? Linali? Do you think it's that person right over there?" Allen pointed to a middle-aged man peering out from one of the trees opposite them. He had short dark hair and dark eyes, the clothes he wore seemed to be those belonging to the first hand man (or main guardian, choose your pick) of a noble house.

"I don't know, may--hey! Yuu-chan, get back here!" Lavi hissed.

Kanda did not listen. Instead, he merely looked around cautiously for any signs of Akuma and crossed the space between the exorcists and the male. Sighing, the others followed.

"Ah, exorcist-sama! You've finally arrived!" the man exclaimed, bowing in respect, even when Kanda and the others weren't even close enough to get a good look at. "We've been waiting, I was so worried that the earl or any Akuma captured you." He said all while still bowing. Allen, Linali, Karen, and Lavi blinked at each other, then to the still bowing man. What was there to say?

"Fujitaka," Kanda finally said, his voice unemotional and uncaring, just like it usually was. However, Karen noticed there was something in his voice. He knew this person, and he was on very good terms with him, without using honorifics with the man.

As soon as the man's name was spoken, his head shot up and only then did he finally took in the features of the exorcists that were sent. And the first person he laid eyes on, was Kanda.

"Kanda-oujiisama!!" Fujitaka cried and immediately bowed once more before hugging the dark-haired exorcist.

It was safe--or maybe it wasn't--to say that the other exorcists were more than surprised. Someone actually hugging the Great Kanda Yuu? And even more surprising was that Kanda hadn't tried to kill the man yet. Not to mention that they all wondered what Fujitaka had called Kanda. Everyone except Karen and Lavi, that is.

'_Prince Kanda…?'_

:::End 11th night:::

Aaahhh I'm sorry! It got really crappy at the end…I'm sorry! I couldn't think of anything!! Please forgive meee!!

**(1) Daijoubu dessu ka?:** Are you alright?

**(2) Taka Shimada: **A hairstyle that geisha in Japan have used since the 17th Century. It is a high chignon (or bun) in the hair.

**(3)** **kanzashi: **hair ornaments worn by geisha and women attending important ceremonies. They come in many different styles, but the _bira bira_ style, which is an ornament with dangling flowers made of silk, metal, or tortoise shell, is what Sakura is wearing

**(4)** **Inuyama:** Inuyama, literally meaning "dog mountain", is a city in Aichi Prefecture, located in the Chubu Region(also known as the Tokai Region, southern part of Japan), not far from Nagoya, on the island of Honshuu. It is most famous for its small but beautiful castle and nearby Meiji Mura, an open air museum about the Meiji Period (1868-1912). Sakura and her family were the reigning family here, hence she is called a 'princess'.


	12. Reunion

**(A/N): **Finally! I am so sorry it took so long to update, writer's block is such a pain. Hopefully the next chapter will come out sooner…

**Disclaimer:** Don't own anything, no matter how much I bribe or blackmail the creator

* * *

What Once Was  
12th Night: Reunion

Everyone followed Fuji through the dense forest, surprisingly evading all Akuma on their way. They still couldn't believe that the man who hugged Kanda was still breathing, alive and well, and he wasn't even hit once by the samurai either, but the katana-wielding exorcist certainly glared daggers at him. It seemed that Lavi had found a new hero. As they passed between two strange looking trees, a strange sensation came over them all, especially Linali, who recognized that feeling.

"Fujitaka-san?"

"Hai, Linali-dono?"

"Did we…did we just enter a barrier?"

Fuji stopped and looked back at her, blinking. Apparently he didn't think any of them would ask. "H-hai…this barrier prevents any Akuma from seeing this place, let alone attack it. However, it can only blind level one and two Akuma, I'm sure those higher than that can see past it," he sounded grave, everyone could understand why.

"Fuji," Kanda started, "hurry up, then."

The older man smiled slightly and nodded, quickly showing the Black Priests the way.

xxx

Soon enough, in the distance, a large structure lurked, large oak trees providing shady coverage from unwanted eyes above, smaller trees and thick bushes spaced out around the building, though not enough for it to be completely camouflaged in the forest. Once, said trees never once reached past the building's second floor, but now they reached past the roof.

Lavi whistled softly, "It's huge…" He could only take his comrade's silence as an agreement. "Ah! Wait up!" It took him a moment to realize that he was about to be left behind, and so he quickly caught up to the rest of the group, all following an excited looking Fujitaka. Kanda walked behind him, his expression as emotionless as ever but somehow the redhead got the feeling that the Japanese was a nervous wreck right now. About what, he didn't know. Maybe it had to do something with this Sakura person they were going to meet. His mind wondered to the mission briefing and recalled his friend's expression when the girl's face first appeared on the screen. _'Princess Sakura, huh? You don't tell me anything, Yuu-chan…you didn't even tell me that you were a prince…'_

As they got further up the stairs, and closer to the main entrance, Fuji quickened his pace; it was obvious he couldn't contain his glee. "Sakura-hime!! Kanda!神田王子は戻った!!!**(1)**" Everyone doubted said princess could hear what he even said, but that didn't stop him. "Follow me, please." He threw open the large doors and went inside, not bothering to really show everyone around, but went straight up the stairs near the far wall, the others following close behind. He past a few doors and headed for a room near the end of the hall, with mahogany colored border line door frames. "Sakura-hime." This time, Fujitaka's voice was calm, all his excitement hidden, once more a guardian and supporter of the Black Order. "The exorcists are here."

"Come in."

Kanda visibly tensed as the soft, velvety distant voice reached their ears. Fuji glanced at the dark haired male and smiled softly, turning back to the door and sliding it open. "There is something else, Hime. Kanda-oujiisama has returned…"

There, in the room, sat a lonesome figure, her long dark hair cascading down her back, even reaching the floor and fanning out around her. Her back was toward them, her face turned toward the clear, cloudless sky, into the full moon. Moonlight glazed down upon her pale form, making her hair shine, her blue kimono looking like the ocean. "Do not…do not joke around, Fujitaka. Yuu is gone…don't toy with me…"

"Demo, Sakura-hime. It is no lie." Fuji stepped into the room and stepped aside, letting the exorcists come in, Kanda first.

"Sakura…hime…" Kanda's voice was soft, cautious. Linali, Allen, Lavi, and Karen all glanced at him. Never had they thought that Kanda, of all people, would be nervous or shy, especially on a mission. But then again, not every mission had someone that the swordsman seemed especially close to.

Immediately, as soon as those words left Kanda's lips, the princess's head swiftly turned to them, her wide, dark eyes showing nothing but disbelief. Her face, right now, nearly mirrored Kanda's earlier expression, save the anger. "ユウ…? いいえ... まさか**(2)**" her words were whispered, as if she spoke any louder, her hallucination of Kanda would disappear, never to come back again.

And yet he stayed.

Kanda stepped toward her and bowed his head ever so slightly. "桜王女…ただいま**(3)**"

In a flash, surprising everyone of her speed, especially in a kimono such as hers, Sakura was off the floor, and now in front of Kanda, an incredulous look on her face. "Yuu…?" She placed a hand on his face, as if to make herself believe that he was here, that she wasn't dreaming. He didn't fade away. He had changed, that was a fact, but even though that smile was gone, the brightness in his eyes dulled, his hair grown, and body no longer small and frail, this was no doubt the same Kanda Yuu she had known from so long ago. "You're alive…oh, Yuu…" Tears were visible in her eyes before she wrapped her slender arms around him in a tight embrace.

Lavi's jaw dropped, Linali covered her mouth, Allen's eyes bulged out, and Karen stared. Needless to say that the other exorcist were beyond surprised. Especially since Kanda hadn't tried to kill the princess when she called him by his first name (and without any honorifics either, as Lavi pointed out) and now she was hugging him. _Hugging_ him! And yet he did nothing to even push her away, or anything of the sort. In fact, he even hugged her back! Linali practically hid behind Allen, and Lavi hid behind Karen in fear. No, wait, Karen hid behind Lavi. Wait…no, I was right the first time. What happened to their short-fused, evil, always on edge, don't-call-me-by-my-first-name-or-else-you-die samurai? Was he kidnapped and replaced by an Akuma right in front of their noses and they didn't notice? Said exorcists were basically thinking along those lines. This male in front of them couldn't be the Kanda Yuu they all knew!

"I can't believe…you're alive…Yuu…" her voice was muffled, her face buried against his chest. "I thought…"

"Shhh…" Kanda's own gentleness surprised him. He had thought that he didn't have an ounce of kindness left in him, any gentleness that he possessed he thought he lost so many years ago, when he thought he had lost the girl he held in his arms right now. "Sumenai, Hime….for making you worry…"

"Don't speak in keigo**(4) **with me…I told you that years ago…" Sakura's shoulders shook as sobs threatened to overtake her somewhat composed form. "Daijoubu, Yuu…" She could feel herself smile as Kanda ran a hand through her silky raven hair, in an effort to soothe her. It was the first time she smiled in years, and it just brought tears to Fujitaka's eyes.

xxx

After everyone had calmed down after their little shock, they all got down to business. Lavi leaned against the wall, Karen sitting on the floor beside him, Linali sat in a chair, Allen standing beside her, and Fuji sitting on the floor. Sakura sat on her bed, Kanda standing right beside her. They talked about how they were going to get Sakura back to headquarters, their communications with Dill on the ship, and lastly, if any innocence could be in the area.

"Have you noticed anything strange lately, Fujitaka-san?" Allen was asking him.

The elder man shook his head, "The only thing I ever really pay attention to, is if there are any Akuma that are getting too close to this place. Gomen, Allen-kun…"

"No need to say sorry." Allen sighed and looked at the ceiling. "Komui-san said that there might be innocence here. But if there was, where could it be…"

"The old temple."

All eyes turned to look at princess. "The old temple," she repeated. "Why don't you all start looking there?"

"Why there, Sakura?"

Lavi grinned to himself, covering his mouth with his hand. "He's not using honorifics anymore…" he mused, stifling a laugh. If he let it slip, he knew that he'd be dead for sure.

"Weren't you listening to them, Lavi? No keigo around those two…" Lavi glanced down at the girl by his feet. He wasn't expecting her to listen to his mumbling. Letting his gaze return to the princess, he nodded,

"That's true…"

Sakura looked up at the swordsman, "You remember it, don't you? That haunted temple when we were younger? The building behind it, that was the real haunting place. Otou-sama always told us to keep clear of that area, saying that something bad would happen if we played there. Maybe there really is something there." Kanda looked skeptical, so she continued. "For the past couple weeks I noticed that there was always a soft glow coming from the direction of the temple, near or around midnight every night."

Before Kanda could even argue, Linali piped up. "Sounds like something to me! I say we go check it out, ne?" She looked at the exorcists.

"Better than nothing," Karen agreed, nodding.

"It's pretty late though, don't you think?" Allen asked, looking out the window. The moon was high, shadows all around the forest. "We should all start first thing tomorrow morning." All five exorcists agreed. They would investigate the "haunted temple" the following morning. For now, though, they would take some much needed rest.

"Fuji-san. Show each of them their rooms," Sakura told him. Fuji nodded and stood from his sitting position. He turned to the exorcists.

"I'm afraid we only have four available guest rooms. The other rooms are probably too unstable to stay in. It's been years, I'm afraid…"

"It's fine, Karen and I could share a room," Linali told them. She immediately glared at a certain redhead as he started laughing. "Not like that!" She herself started laughing, however, when Lavi got hit upside the head by a somewhat angry Karen.

Kanda rolled his eyes at their antics, Allen sweat dropped, and Sakura and Fuji blinked. "Fine, whatever," he said and turned toward the door. "They'll share a room. Fuji, show--" he stopped as he felt arms wrap themselves around his waist. He glanced down, raising a brow.

Sakura let out a soft gasp and let go of him, blushing slightly. "ご-ごめん, ユウ…**(5)**" she lowered her head, still apparently embarrassed. She reacted without thinking.

The others, who had stopped their momentary bickering, looked over at their direction and blinked. Fuji, too, looked back at them. He smiled slightly, "Kanda-oujiisama."

"Just Kanda, Fuji. Don't call me that anymore."

The older man nodded and continued, "Kanda-sama, why don't you stay with Sakura-hime?"

At that, everyone froze and stared at the man. Each had their own thoughts, own interpretations of what he meant, Lavi was the first to voice his opinion, "Say what!?"

"You can't be serious--"

"You don't mean--"

"No way!!"

Kanda's twitching eye was visible to everyone's eyes. "I. Dare. You. To. Say. What. You. Were. All. Thinking." he growled through gritted teeth. The other exorcists sweat dropped and visibly cringed, all somewhat hiding behind Karen.

"H-hey," Karen hissed, "don't hide behind me!" She flinched as she saw the murderous glare emanating from the older boy.

A hand reached for Mugen's hilt, about to strike at his comrades, but was stopped by a nervous hand grabbing onto his. Kanda looked down once more. "Yuu," though the shyness and nervousness was evident in her voice, Sakura kept a calm look upon her face, "…do you mind?" She lowered her head and unintentionally buried her face against him. "おねがいします**(6)**…"

Looking away from her and away from everyone else, Kanda could feel a soft smile forming on his lips. He really did miss her, he was so relieved that she was still alive, even though he would never admit to it completely. "If that's what you wish…" Because he was turned away, he didn't see everyone's expressions. It was safe to say that everyone was beyond surprise and fear. Kanda really was kidnapped, that just had to be it!

And yet, the Kanda in front of them was the genuine article, and they all glanced back warily at him as Fuji led them to their rooms.

xxx

"Gomen, Yuu…" Sakura apologized, helping him spread out an old, spare futon. "You can take mine, I really don't mind."

"And let you sleep on this thing? Rather not," Kanda remarked, straightening. "Like it or not, you're still the princess here, and I have a mission to accomplish. Besides, what kind of…friend…would I be if I let the host sleep on the floor?" He softly smiled at her and inwardly beamed as an all-out smile broke on Sakura's face. "Sakura…when was the last time you actually smiled?" he asked her, turning and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Last…time?" The female became quiet as she thought back, walking toward Kanda and sitting next to him. "Last time I smiled was…" she lowered her head and Kanda had to strain his hearing to even catch her next words, "…was years ago, when I last saw you…that was the last time I really smiled…"

xxx

"Man, Yuu-chan, how lucky!" Lavi wailed to no one, stretching. He was in a decent sized plain, room, though he hadn't really expected it to be anything fancy. After all, the Inuyama palace was burned to the ground over ten years ago, he was surprised that any of them survived, let alone a princess. The redhead lay down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. _'If Yuu-chan knew the princess of Inuyama…and he was a prince…wait, were they engaged!?'_ At the sudden thought, Lavi shot up and lost his balance, falling face first into onto the wooden floor. "Ouch…"

xxx

Karen sighed as she heard a small crash in the next room. "I just hope he didn't break anything…" she muttered as she pulled her gloves off. Her azure orbs gazed at the twin crucifixes upon her hands. In their bejeweled beauty, black and silver swirled together, though never becoming one; two opposites that never completely connected, even if they are together. Silver and blue danced together like the aurora borealis, twirling around each other, creating streams and whirlpools within the jewel. "I hate you…" she murmured as she gazed upon her innocence.

"Black Angel…hmph, the name suits the both of us well, doesn't it…" She could've sworn the crosses glowed in response.

xxx

'_So…Sakura-hime must be very close to Kanda…'_ Allen mused, looking out the window. The moonlight struck his pale face and made it shine, his silver hair seeming to sparkle. He closed his eyes and thought for a moment. His nightmares seemed to stop, but for the past few nights he still couldn't sleep--he kept wondering who that girl was, that angel. He just knew that he knew who she was, he just couldn't place it. His mind then wandered to the day's events. It was one surprise after another, he was sure this wasn't the Kanda they had brought with them from headquarters. An amused smile came to his lips as he recalled the smile and actions of both Japanese.

"Kanda really does have a heart, doesn't he…"

xxx

"'Hey, Ka-chan, can I talk to you about something? About Allen?' No…too straight forward….'Ka-chan, um…do you mind if…' Ugh!" Linali groaned and fell back on the bed. How was she going to confront Karen without getting her suspicious if she couldn't think of any non-suspicious ways of starting up a conversation? Besides that, it had been an exhausting day. In truth, she really didn't think they would be able to make it without the Earl knowing, at least so far, but she wasn't complaining. She was more than happy that they all made it here without any one of them getting hurt.

A smile appeared on her face as she remembered the happiness on the princess's face. "She really does care about Kanda…" she sat up, continuing to smile, "Maybe she'll be the one to get a true smile out of him."

:::next morning:::

"Do you really have to go so soon?" Fuji asked, watching as the exorcists prepared to leave.

"Sorry, but we have to see if any Innocence is here. The sooner we find out, and whether or not we find any, the sooner we can get back to headquarters. Not to mention the sooner we can get Sakura-hime out of here," Allen responded, donning his coat. "The earlier we leave, the better."

Fuji nodded, wishing he could go with them. He knew, though, that if he did, he would most likely just get in their way. Besides, Kanda knew the way to the temple, so there should be no problem, right? He certainly hoped so. He had seen Kanda "die" before, and he saw the results from that, he certainly did not want anything to befall him now that he was actually alive, now that he and Sakura were reunited once more. But moreover, he hoped that both his and the princess's parents would watch over him and his friends, and bring them back alive.

They were all about to leave when Sakura grabbed Kanda's hand. He turned his head and gave her a questioning look. "Please come back safely," she whispered, so low that only he could hear. He nodded and walked out the door, the others followed him after bowing goodbye.

xxx

"Yuu-chan!" Lavi wailed, "How much farther is this place!? We've been walking for hours!" He gulped as he received a glare from the person leading their little group and hid behind his precious flower. "Save me, Hana-chan…" he muttered, earning an aspirated sigh from the female, and another glare from their 'leader'.

"ばかなウサギ **(7)**…" Kanda muttered, then continued walking forward. "It's not that much farther."

"Besides, Lavi, we've only been walking for at least twenty minutes," Karen told him, awkwardly patting him on his head, even though he was taller than her by a good couple inches. "Don't complain…"

"Aww but, Hana-chan! Why're you taking his side?!" the redhead wailed. Karen immediately clamped a hand over his mouth, his wails no longer spewing out his mouth.

"Shut up, you idiot, the Akuma could hear you if you're any louder," she hissed in his ear. That shut him up.

Allen and Linali sweat dropped as they watched Lavi. Was he really older than them? Sometimes, they didn't think so.

"Lavi…" Linali sighed, then turned and continued following Kanda, leaving Karen to deal with Lavi. She heard Allen follow her. A soft smile came to her lips, then she let it disappear. If he saw it, then he would start asking why she was smiling, then she would stutter and it would just be a hassle, trying to reclaim herself.

They continued walking for the next few minutes, Linali and Allen walking right behind Kanda, Karen and Lavi taking up the rear. Lavi had been brooding since he'd been scolded, and Karen couldn't help but feel that the others silently ganged up on her to take care of the redhead. She inwardly sighed but couldn't deny the fact that she didn't mind. After all, she's known Lavi the longest out of the exorcists, with the exception of a certain someone.

Pretty soon, a temple came into their view, trees, shrubs, and even vines surrounding the old building. Upon getting closer, the group realized what they saw was just the front of the structure, the actual visitation site of the temple, where people would come to pray to the Gods for protection, provision, and guidance. Kanda, however, continued past that part of the building and headed straight through the arch-way, heading toward the back, partly hidden part of the building.

Everyone followed him, glancing around at their surroundings. Everything was so quiet, deserted, almost a bit too quiet. It was like anything could come up at any moment and attack them, even though there was nothing in the sight of Allen or Karen. Allen had almot completely forgotten the first thought that crossed his mind when he first met Karen: she was cursed? Yes, she was. But not in the same way Allen was, though he didn't know it at the time. None of them knew.

"Damn, Yuu-chan…this is the place?" Lavi whistled, looking up at the building in front of them. It was a two-story building almost directly behind the shrine, very similar to the building in which Sakura and Fujitaka were hiding in, except that this one didn't look as run down, its structure almost perfectly preserved. Vines crawled up its cream colored walls like an infection, though it only enhanced the beauty of the building.

Kanda nodded, "Mitsukimi Temple." With that, he proceeded toward the large, wooden doors and opened them without much trouble. The doors squeaked, as if protesting against Kanda that he forced them to move from their comfortable position. The others followed their older companion as he entered the large hall.

Upon entering, they all looked around, seeing nothing that could possibly be Innocence. But then again, innocence could've already been infused with something, so they knew they couldn't be careless.

"Ano…Kanda?" Linali asked, looking up the top of the staircase. It led up to the second story before splitting into two different directions of the upper floor.

"What is it?"

"Is this place…really abandoned?"

At that, everyone turned to look at her, unsure of what she meant. "Yes…why?"

Linali glanced at him, then to Allen and the others before pointing up the flight of stairs. There, at the very top, right at the junction where the carpeted steps split directions, stood a little girl. She had long, light brown hair in high pigtails (very much like Linali's) and was wearing a simple, light pink dress. In her hands was a somewhat large, red ball. Inside, however, the distinct glow of Innocence emerged. She looked no older than seven.

"She has the Innocence!" Lavi yelled out first.

"Get her!" Kanda growled and started running towards the child, the bookman apprentice following close behind him.

"Kanda, Lavi, wait!" the three remaining exorcists yelled before following their companions.

Something was very wrong with this picture. Why would a little girl, with innocence in her possession, be doing in a supposedly abandoned, run-down temple? And that girl, she was smiling at the teens as they came at her, no fear or anxiousness showing in her blue, cat-like orbs. In fact, there was no real emotion coming from the girl, that smile never ceasing as the exorcists came closer. In fact, it seemed to widen. _"Ex…orcists…" _she whispered, giggling slightly. The orb glowed and became brighter and brighter. Light surrounded the entire space, causing the black priests to halt and cover their eyes.

"_It's finally time…"_

Linali screamed as the light enveloped her, Allen screaming out her name, reaching out to try and reach her. But the light swallowed her before swallowing himself. Karen yelled out his name, only to be swallowed next, then Lavi. Kanda, although he was the closest to the child in distance, was swallowed last. "Bastard!" he growled before the light surrounded his form.

The smiling child was the last everyone saw before their vision was lost. Smiling, like an innocent, pure child who did not know any wrong. She vanished soon after the exorcists, her childish laughter reverberating through the halls.

:::End 12th Night:::

If there're any mistakes here, tell me so I can fix it

**(1) ****神田王子は戻った: **Kanda-oujiisama wa modota: Prince Kanda has returned!

**(2) ****ユウ…****いいえ****まさか:** Yuu…? Iie…masaka…: Yuu…? No…it can't be…

**(3) ****桜王女…ただいま: S**akura-hime…tadaima: Sakura-hime…I've returned; Princess Sakura, I'm home

**(4) keigo:** a manner of formal speech, usually reserved for addressing superiors

**(5)** **ご****-****ごめん****ユウ: **G-gomen, Yuu: S-sorry, Yuu. I bet you all knew that already…

**(6) ****おねがいします: **onegaishimasu: please

**(7) ****ばかなウサギ:** baka na usagi: stupid rabbit


	13. Lotus and Cherry Blossoms

**(A/N):** I'm sorry in advance for the maaajoorrr OOCness in this chapter…I'm sorry! -hides- This chapter's basically going to be all about Kanda and his past for the most part…just don't kill meeee

**Disclaimer:**I don't own anything or anyone, since Hoshino-san can't be bribed

* * *

What Once Was  
13th Night: Lotus and Cherry Blossoms

It was dark, darker than the darkest nights, and blacker than the eternal black holes. There was no shred of light, not even a glimmer. Haunting wisps of fog glided haunting across the endless sea of black, expanding til the eye could no longer see, if it could. _'Where…where am I…'_ Karen thought, sitting up, holding her aching head. _'There was a flash…then everything went black so where…'_ It was then that she looked around the surrounding darkness, knowing that she couldn't possibly see anywhere but as she looked down, she realized, to her surprise, that she could see herself, as if she was glowing. _'What the hell…'_ The female slowly stood, her sense of balance not yet returning to her. _'This is…the Innocence…?'_ She took a step forward and, like glass, the moment her foot stepped down into the darkness, it shattered and light, as bright as the sun, shone forth from beneath her, making her shield her eyes with her arms.

As the light faded, and her vision returned, when she opened her eyes, she almost wished that she was back in the field of darkness.

"_No…it can't…there's no way!"_

Karen floated in the middle of a somewhat busy street, townspeople bustling around with their jobs and luggage, children playing everywhere. A normal town, to anyone else's eyes, but to her's, it was a place that she wished she could never see again.

Her hometown.

xxx

Elsewhere, Kanda was in the same position Karen was in before. He was surrounded in darkness, and the only thing that he could see, was himself, save the misty fog. _'Tch…how did I end up here…' _He stood and looked around, already getting annoyed at the fact that he couldn't see anything but darkness. _'What the hell!?'_ He took a step forward and growled in annoyance as the darkness shattered like glass beneath him, his eyesight going blind for a moment. However, as his momentary blindness started to fade, he distinctly heard a soft purr right in front of him. _'What the…'_

The light started to fade completely, and as he opened his eyes once more, he thought that he was hallucinating.

"_Masaka…_**(1)**_"_

In front of him, spread out like an ethereal garden, stood a backyard lined with sakura trees, all in full bloom, some petals even falling slowly like pink-hued snow, a small stream trickling down a minute waterfall in the corner of their little paradise, a cozy-looking porch overlooking the entire area.

xxx

"_What the hell is going on?!"_ Karen yelled. For one thing, she was back in the town she abandoned eleven years ago, the town looking like it hadn't changed at all, and for another, she was floating in the air! She knew for sure that wasn't normal at all, especially if she didn't have her innocence activated.

"_Why am I back here!?"_

As soon as those words left her mouth, a young girl opened the door, almost exactly below her. She had long, brunette hair and a worried and angry expression on her face, "You let him go by himself--how the hell could you do that?!" And with that outburst shouted over her shoulder, the girl ran and started looking through the town.

Karen covered her ears, and shut her eyes, going down into a sitting position, knees brought close to her, blocking everything out: the bustle of the carriages and people, the barks of the dogs, the shrieking of the cats, the whining of the horses, the cries of the babies, everything. _"This isn't real…this isn't real…"_

"Allen!" the girl cried. "Allen, where are you! Answer me!"

"_This isn't real at all!!"_ Karen screamed.

"Allen!!"

Karen's scream echoed throughout the illusionary town, the twin crucifixes on her hands glowing a deep blue color. The glow surrounded her form, then, although she couldn't see, formed itself into a pair of wings, surrounding her. In a second, after opening themselves, her wings shattered the illusion, before turning back into a soft glow and returning to the crosses on her hands. Then she passed out.

xxx

"Nn…" As her consciousness slowly returned to her, so did the rest of her senses, her sense of touch the first. _'Oak…?'_ Her eyelids slowly fluttered open and she slowly sat up, her vision returning to her. Looking around, she noticed the old furnished floor and walls, the old grandfather clock against the closest wall. _'I'm…back?'_ She took another look around her as she stood, using the wall for support. She was exactly where they all first stepped in before that flash…Karen's eyes widened. "That girl!" she exclaimed, suddenly remembering a small child appear in front of the group before that flash engulfed them. "Who…" a sudden gasp escaped her, "Where is everyone?!" With that, she ran off, the others had to be around the temple manor somewhere.

xxx

"Hm…interesting turn of events, wouldn't you say?"

"Mhm! And she's a pretty little doll, too, I can't wait to play with her!"

"Now, now, my dear sister. Wait until the innocence is done with the exorcists, then we can make our move."

"Aww…but that's gonna take forever!"

A soft chuckle came from the throat of a tan skinned man. He wore a black suit and white gloves, his dark curly hair slicked back under his black top hat. "Be patient, Rhode. We'll have our turn soon," the man told her, his eyes glinting a golden color.

"But, Tyki!" the girl wailed, flinging her arms up and down like a child, causing the ruffles of her white blouse to bounce. Her short skirt and stripped stockings, not to mention her platform shoes all adored her small shape, her short spiky hair creating a dark halo around her tan-skinned head. "We can get rid of them all so easily right now, why can't we?" her golden eyes glinted as well, sadistic curiosity twinkling in them.

"You heard the Earl's plan. We wait." Tyki's voice held a tone of finality, earning a pout from the female Noah.

"Fine. For now."

xxx

"Come on, sweetie, smile a bit, I'm sure you'll have a good time here," a women tried to get her son to smile, at least a little, before they got to their destination. "Otou-sama's friend is very kind, he even has a daughter your age, I'm sure you'll be wonderful friends--are you even listening to me?" She had long raven hair, tied in a low ponytail, and kind blue eyes. A deep pink, flowery kimono, with a cream colored under kimono, adorned her slim figure, a yellow obi encircling her waist.

"Hai, hai…Okaa-sama. I didn't want to come, why am I here?" her son asked her. His shoulder length dark hair blew in the soft wind, his bangs getting into his dark blue eyes. He brushed them aside without even blinking an eye, it was just a usual reflex for him. His hair was always getting in his face. "I don't wanna be here. Can I just go back home?"

"No, you cannot."

Both mother and son jumped slightly as he came up behind them. "Yuu…Masa is a wonderful friend. It's only fitting for _all_ of us to visit him once in a while."

"Hito," his wife complained, a hand on her chest, "please stop sneaking up behind us. Honestly, don't do that, you're going to give me a heart attack…"

Hito chuckled and wrapped his arms around her in an embrace. "Gomen, Shizuka." And with that apology, he leaned in and gave her a chaste kiss.

Yuu merely averted his eyes. He was only four years old, they didn't need to start making out in front of him. Fortunately, they seemed to remember and broke their kiss, turning their attention to the upcoming temple-looking home. "Don't be shy, Yuu, they're going to love you," Shizuka said as she picked her son up in her arms and followed her husband.

(A/N: I'm going to refer to older Kanda--the one we all know and love--just as Kanda and his younger self Yuu, otherwise I'd just get confused. Please bear with me on this…)

"_What…the hell is going on…"_ Kanda stared at what just happened in front of him, there was no way this was all happening. He turned his head and, after hesitating a moment, followed his mother and father and younger self. _"Why am I…"_

"Hito!"

"Masa!"

Both adults cheered and hugged each other, smiles apparent on both their faces. The two looked like brothers, they even acted like they were. Their wives laughed and greeted each other themselves.

"It's been a while, Shizuka!"

"It has, you look wonderful, Kaoru!"

"Aw, and who is this?" Kaoru asked, bending down to see eye-level with a miniature Kanda Hito, her dark hair swinging down her shoulder. A soft whimper escaped his lips as he hid behind his mother's leg. Kaoru nearly squealed and she straightened up. "He's adorable, Shizuka! What's his name?"

"Yuu. Kanda Yuu."

XxX

"_Otou-sama…Okaa-sama…Kaoru-obasan…Masa-ojisan…"_ Kanda murmured. He had no idea what was going on, and a part of him yelled from within him to get out of this place and finish the mission. And yet, another part of him told him to stay, to relive the memories that he buried within himself, to never resurface again. For some reason, the latter part of him won.

XxX

"Masa, where's that daughter of yours?" Hito asked his friend, sipping tea from his cup. "I haven't seen her."

Masa chuckled a bit and set his cup down. "She really is quite a shy little girl, especially when it comes to meeting other children," he added, nodding in Yuu's direction. "She's up in her room right now."

"I'll try and get her to come out," Kaoru said and stood up, opening the sliding door and entering the house.

"So, Yuu-kun," Hito began, "how old are you?"

Yuu said nothing and lowered his gaze to the ground, allowing his bangs to hide his eyes. For once he didn't mind his hair getting into his face. Unconsciously, he scooted closer to his mother, his grip tightening ever so slightly on his cup. He heard a chuckle and he bowed his head even more.

"Yuu is actually very shy as well. Oh, but to answer your question, he's four." Shizuka said.

"Really? Sakura is four as well, but I'm sure Yuu-kun is older."

They talked for a few more minutes, and even though all adults tried to involve him in conversation, he said nothing and kept quiet, his gaze intent on the swirling motions of his tea.

"Come now, Sakura, they all want to meet you!"

"Demo, Okaa-sama!"

The door slid open and everyone turned their heads, even Yuu decided to look up from his interesting tea. There in the doorway stood Kaoru, and a little girl hiding behind her leg. She had long, dark layered hair and dark blue eyes. She wore an adorable light blue kimono, cherry blossoms decorating the bottom and top edges, a dark blue under kimono, and a pink obi encircling her midsection.

Masa smiled and stood, everyone else following suit, "Sakura! Come, there's someone I'd like you to meet. You remember Hito-ojisan to Shizuka-obasan, ne?" His smile widened as his daughter nodded and continued, "I'd like you to meet their son, Kanda Yuu." As if on cue, Hito pushed his hesitant son forward, nearly causing him to lose his balance.

Masa's daughter, Sakura, giggled but stayed close to her mother. Then she too had to be given a small push toward Yuu. "Ano…h-hajimimashite…" she stuttered, blushing out of embarrassment. She really was shy.

Glancing back at his parents, who nodded encouragingly, Yuu outstretched his hand, "Hajimimashite, Naruse-hime. Ore wa Kanda Yuu dessu…**(2)**" Even though his hand was outstretched, his gaze was on the floor, his voice mumbling. Because he wasn't looking directly at her, he didn't notice the smile that broke on her face. The next thing that occurred was something that not even their parents thought were going to happen.

Without even bothering to shake his hand, the little princess of Inuyama hugged the little prince of Matsumoto**(3)**.

XxX

Kanda watched as the younger version of himself and Sakura met for the first time, the entire scene replaying exactly how he remembered, though he didn't remember the blush that appeared on his face when Sakura hugged him. _"What's going on…"_ he wondered aloud, his voice echoing all around. He continued to watch as he and Sakura gradually became used to each other and played under the sakura trees, their parents talking and having a wonderful time during their few visits. The katana wielding exorcist leaned against one of the trees, eyes cast down, noting how he was partly see-through. His gaze returned to the images of his past, a small smile forming on his lips. He had to admit, these were the times of his past that he missed, but of course, since this was Kanda Yuu we're talking about here, he wouldn't admit to it aloud.

A soft purr brought him back to his senses and saw a black kitten with white paws in front of him. Its long, white-tipped tail swished behind it, its large, golden eyes stared back at him from where it sat. It, too, was see-through. _"You're…"_ The kitten seemed to smile and, as soon as it came, vanished into thin air, the surrounding area starting to glow a white color. _"Kuso…"_ Kanda cursed and shielded his face with his arms.

Children's laughter caused him to open his eyes and lower his arms. He was still in that ethereal garden from long ago, but this time, he saw himself and Sakura a few years older, probably seven or so, running around under the trees, Sakura trying to catch a large, emerald and azure colored butterfly, himself right behind her, a laugh emitting from his throat. _"This is…"_ If Kanda could see himself in a mirror, he would not believe that what he saw was real. Instead of his usual scowl and indifferent expression, his face now was nothing more of sheer surprise and shock. This had to be the work of the Innocence.

A scream was heard following soft sobbing. "Sakura-hime!" Yuu came up to her and kneeled down. "What happened?"

Sakura looked at him, tears blocking her dark azure orbs. "I-I just fell, Yuu-chan…" she sniffed and wiped her tears away. "Daijoubu!" she added, enthusiastically, trying to hide the pain in her bleeding knee.

"Don't lie to me, Sakura-hime," Yuu told her, ripping a piece of his shirt and tying it around her knee, to stop the bleeding. "If you're hurt or scared, you can always come to me, I'm always gonna protect you, okay?" Yuu smiled at her, took her hand, and helped her up. "Can you walk?"

Shakily, Sakura nodded, though she was still holding onto Yuu for support. "H-Hai…"

"Show me."

With that, Yuu let go and took a few steps back. "Yuu-chan, what's that supposed to mean?" Sakura whined.

"Just show me that you can walk okay."

Pouting, Sakura took a step forward. No problem. However, the next step she took was with her injured knee, and as soon as her foot touched the ground, her knee buckled and she fell. Fortunately, Yuu caught her before she hit the ground again. "Gomen, Yuu-chan…maybe I can't…" she bit lower lip, trying to stop the tears that were forming in her eyes. She really didn't like crying in front of him.

"Sakura-hime…" Yuu's voice was calm and soothing, Kanda wondered if his voice was really like that. After making sure she wouldn't fall again, Yuu got in front of her and kneeled down, his back facing her. He could feel Sakura's blinking gaze at him. "Get on." Hesitating, Sakura did as she was told, yelping slightly as Yuu rose back to his feet with ease, even with her on his back. Looping his arms under her legs, careful about her cut knee, and her arms securely around his neck, Yuu started walking back to the house.

"Neh, Yuu-chan…what did you mean earlier?" she asked him, her head resting on one of her arms.

"What you mean?"

"When you said that you would always protect me…what did you mean?"

"Well…" Yuu trailed off for a second, then turned his head to look at her, a smile on his face. "Otou-sama told me one time…that if there's someone close to your heart, someone you always want to see smiling, someone who you never want to see hurt, then you should protect that person. Otou-sama to Okaa-sama are both close to me, but even though they are, and I never want to see them hurt, he said that the person I should protect with my life should be someone that I trust with everything, who I care for deeply. Someone who isn't blood related." His smile widened as she blinked and continued, "I want to protect Sakura-hime."

Simultaneously, Kanda and miniature Sakura's eyes widened. _"I…really said that…"_ Kanda murmured, then his face settled back to its stoic expression. _"That's right…I swore…to protect Sakura…" _His fists clenched and he gritted his teeth, _"But I couldn't…"_

"You want to protect me, Yuu-chan?" With his nod, Sakura beamed and hugged him, although it was a bit difficult, since she was still on his back. "Yuu-chan, can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Can I just call you Yuu? No honorifics, and no more keigo, ever, ne?"

Yuu turned his gaze at her, a brow raised. "Nani…?"

The dark haired girl smiled once more, "Yup! And, and…you can just call me Sakura, no more hime, just Sakura, okay?"

"Demo, Sakura-hime…"

"Sakura!"

"H-hime…"

"SA-KU-RA!" the princess accented each character(least I think that's what they're called…) with a pout.

Yuu sweatdropped. "Sa-Sakura…" **(4)**

Another smile broke across her face and it made the small one on Yuu's face bigger as well. "You're my best friend, Yuu!"

"_Meow."_

Kanda turned his head and saw the small feline once again. _"Nekoi…why do you keep appearing?"_ he asked the cat, as if he knew it. Once more it seemed to smile. _"Iie…you're not Nekoi, are you? She died a long time ago, didn't she…So who are you?"_ The eighteen year old turned to completely face the cat, his obsidian orbs like steel.

The black and white cat turned her head to the side slightly, that _smile_ still on its feline face. _"You don't know who I am, at least not yet,"_ she said and, seeing Kanda's flabbergasted expression, meowed as if she was laughing. Before his very eyes, the cat that perfectly mirrored the little cat Sakura loved so much as a child glowed a dim color, and changed its form.

"_Who are you!?"_ Kanda demanded, unsheathing Mugen. As soon as the words left him, the once kitten formed light subsided and there stood a small child, no older than six or seven, holding a ball in her hands. Within the ball, however, the unmistakable glow of Innocence shone through. Seeing that, the Japanese no longer waited for an answer. _"You!" _Completely discarding the fact that the child was the cause of him seeing his past, or if she was the accommodator of the Innocence, he struck at her and completely cut her into two pieces. Said pieces, though, returned to light and disappeared, both halves of the child's face smiling at him. As they disappeared, everything around him started fading as well and, for a moment, thought the hold on him was gone, but when he opened his obsidian eyes once more, he saw he was wrong.

He turned his head, and saw himself peeking through a door in his home. Kanda frowned, instantly remembering.

"No."

"I understand your hesitance, but think it through. He is a conformer, he can help us."

"And I understand your position, but I will not allow you to come and take him."

"I see…" A sigh. "It cannot be helped. I cannot take him by force. Unless he wants to come on his own--"

"I can assure you he doesn't."

"Have you even asked the boy?"

"No need. He made a promise to someone, after all. I know he will not break it."

"Hmm…I see…"

There was a shuffle behind the closed doors, Yuu quickly scrambled to get out of the doorway and ran around the corner, peeking around as his father and the mysterious man came out. He was strange, he wore a black coat with gold lining, a rose cross upon the chest, and a sac full of scrolls and paints upon his back. He looked fairly old, though not that old, Yuu was sure, his hair was curly and starting to gray. Glasses adorned his face, and his eyes seemed kind. Yuu watched as the strange man turned to his father,

"Are you sure there is no way I can convince you?"

"I am sure. My son stays."

Yuu blinked. They were talking about him? He could only hear bits and pieces of their conversation through the door, but he got most of what they were talking about. Except for the part with a war, some earl, and innocence. What did someone's innocence have anything to do with a war? And what was with the earl? More importantly, why were they talking about him?

"I see…well, it was a pleasure meeting you, Kanda-san." And with that, the somewhat elderly man turned away from the lord and headed off, but not before turning his head slightly and smiling at Yuu, as if he knew he was there. Then he left, giving a warning before he did,

"Beware, Kanda-san. The Earl comes near. You should best be prepared. You, your family…even that friend of yours and his family. Maybe even all of Japan."

Hito sighed, rubbing his temple. "How that organization even found out that Yuu is a conformer is a mystery…"

"Shinpai janai, Hito," his wife told him, coming up behind the man and tenderly putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Even if Yuu is a conformer…he's too young to be involved in such a thing…"

Yuu had enough. He didn't want to hear any of this anymore. Any more of it, and he was sure it would ruin his day. "Otou-sama, Okaa-sama!" he called, running out from behind the corner. "Are we going to meet them or not?"

Immediately he saw the change of expression on his parents' face. "We're going, we're going," Hito laughed and picked him up. "So impatient…"

Everything faded a bit, then when everything became clear again, Kanda saw they were in the back of what used to be his home, very much like the backyard of Sakura's, but only with a bigger pond and less sakura trees. Lotuses floated upon the surface of the clear waters, the coy swimming around with no care in the world. Kanda looked at the scene before him, gritting his teeth. _"Don't show this to me…"_ he growled.

Yuu and Sakura laughed as they ran around the pond, Sakura squealing as she ran away from Yuu. "Yuu, stop it!" she kept on laughing, "I don't wanna get wet!"

"I'm not gonna let you fall--just a lil push, Sakura!"

"Iie!"

Their parents, instead of their usual spot of sitting on the porch and watching them, were inside. From the look on his father's face before they closed the door, it was something that neither he or Sakura should know about. So instead, he played with Sakura like he usually would. It was only when they both heard a shriek and a crash that they stopped where they were and looked back at the house.

"Okaa-sama…?" Yuu started heading over, before Sakura took hold of his arm.

"Don't…" she whispered, tightening her grip. "..Something's wrong here, Yuu…"

Yuu looked down at her before taking his arm away from her and made her look at him, hands on her shoulders. "Stay here, okay?" Her eyes widened and she slowly shook her head, telling him no, over and over. He merely smiled slightly and tightened his grip ever so slightly on her shoulder. "I said I would protect you. Just stay here…if something's going on, I don't want you hurt."

"Yuu!"

But he was already at the door, opening it slightly, not creating a sound. What he saw…

"Okaa-sama!!" he yelled, throwing the door open, shock plastered all around his face. Within the normally clean and tidy room, blood was splattered everywhere, tables turned, cushions in shreds, and the walls torn and covered in blood.

His mother's blood.

A man stood in the middle of the room, a sadistic smirk placed upon his lips. He, like everything else, was covered in blood, his katana embedded deeply through the center of Shizuka's chest, pierced right through, her limp body dangling a few inches off the sticky floor. Masa and Kaoru lay lifelessly beside the man's feet, Hito lay injured just a few feet away, somewhat close to the door.

Kanda growled, clenching his fists. _"You bastard…"_

"Yuu, get out of here!" Hito yelled, scrambling back to his feet, using his sword for support. Yuu could easily tell his father was hurt. Badly.

"Otou-sama…what's going on…Okaa-sama…" Yuu whimpered, unable to move. He was shaking too much, he couldn't think straight. Who could blame him, he just witnessed his own mother being pierced through by someone he didn't know.

"Just get out of here--take Sakura with you!!"

A laugh took Hito's attention away from his son and back to the killer, his eyes blazing. The man, still smirking, slid his blade out of Shizuka's corpse and let her body drop onto the floor beside their friends, taking a step toward Hito. "Poor little Hito…look at you now…what a pathetic fool you are. I'll put you out of your misery…"

"Yuu, what's going--" Sakura screamed as she saw the sight, coming up beside her friend.

"Sakura, get out of--" he was cut off as his father's yell pierced his ears. "Otou-sama!!"

The man laughed, kicking the lord's severed head across the room, spraying his blood all over the floor. "So…you're Hito's son…and you must that idiot Masa's daughter…how fitting," he sneered, walking towards them, sword in hand. He swung his blade, so hard that it cut the air, using it like an attack. Yuu and Sakura ducked, just in time. The blade of wind cut through several trees, destroying the yard. "Heh…lucky dodge, kids." He turned his head, his eyes glowing a golden color, and lifted his blade. In a second, the blade was surrounded in flames, and he swung, setting the house on fire.

"Kaa-sama, Tou-sama!!" the children yelled.

_His_ laughter came from the flames, his form slowly appearing before them. He ran at them and struck. Yuu barely had enough time to push Sakura out of the way before he turned and attacked the boy, nearly cutting his head open.

"Yuu!"

"Sakura, run!" he yelled, dodging the man's attacks. He was glad, for once, that his father had trained him, even if it was only a little. Gritting his teeth, he turned and ran.

"That's right, run! Like your pathetic father!!"

The boy gritted his teeth, how dare he speak about his father like that?! Without really thinking, he ran back into the house, yelping as the flames licked his form. He didn't need to go far, he soon saw his father's decapitated form and ran towards it. "Gomen…Tou-sama…" he whispered, then took his father's beloved sword, running back toward the still laughing man. At least he hadn't after Sakura.

Or at least, he hoped he hadn't.

"_You idiot! Look for Sakura--forget him!" _Kanda yelled, completely forgetting that he was talking to a vision of his former self, that nothing he said could be heard nor that the past could be changed. _"Look for Sakura!"_ he yelled again, almost drawing Mugen and attacking the man. The man he wanted to find, who he swore to never die until he found him again, he was right in front of him. And yet, he wasn't. This wasn't the real person. Kanda took a deep breath, calming himself, continuing to clench his fists as he watched.

"Back for more?" the older male sneered and swung his sword, Yuu blocking it. "You're a fool, just like your old man."

"Damare!" **(5)**

Yuu growled as another smirk came to the man's face. He yelped as he pushed him back and came after him, attack after attack. The size difference played a huge factor, the murderer easily had the upper hand. But Yuu didn't care.

The man pushed him back once more and straightened, glaring off to the side. Yuu, confused, looked in the same direction and his eyes widened, "Sakura!"

"Die!" the man yelled and swung his blade, flames flying through the wind, toward the little girl.

"Sakura! Move!" Yuu yelled, running towards her. However, the man blocked his path, swinging his sword and throwing him backwards, making his yelp as he landed in an awkward angle on his arm.

He only heard one thing, despite the cracking of the flames, and the strange sound that came from his arm. "SAKURA!!"

He heard her scream, and then he heard nothing more, save the flickering of the flames that surrounded where said girl once was. "Sakura, Sakura!" He got up, despite the now surging pain, and ran to where she was, even if he couldn't see clearly. Blood covered his eyes. "Sakura!"

"Persistent brat!" He appeared once more and hit the boy across his face with the blunt of his sword. "Can't you see? She's dead!"

"Liar!" Yuu yelled, getting up and attacking the man, who merely laughed at his actions.

"Stupid boy…" He pushed him back once more and swung his sword, cutting Yuu's cheek. Immediately following, he knocked him down and stood over his form, grinning broadly, the edge of his blade pointed directly over his heart.

Yuu's breathing was labored, but there was no fear in his eyes as he glared up at the man. Seeing that, the man's grin disappeared for a second, then returned, bigger than ever. "I tell you what…I have a better idea…instead of killing you, I'll let you live.

"Live with the fact that your parents died right in front of you, and you couldn't do a thing. I'll let you live with the fact that your parents' friends, who were like your aunt and uncle, died as well, and even that little girlfriend of yours…I'll let you live with the guilt, the burden of the fact that you couldn't save any of them. Even though you were right there. Live with that burden, you brat. Become stronger, then come after me, if you have the guts. Why don't you get revenge for something that you could've prevented, hm?"

With that, he smirked and raised his blade high above his head. "I'll even give you a little gift…" And he thrust his sword into the boy.

:::End 13th Night:::

That was a long chapter -surprised-

**(1):** **Masaka:** It can't be

**(2): Hajimimashite, Naruse-hime. Ore wa Kanda Yuu dessu…:** Nice to meet you, Princess Naruse. I'm Kanda Yuu…

Note: Naruse is the actual name of the family that once ruled Inuyama from 1616 up until the Meiji Era. In 1872, the government took the Inuyama castle from the family, but much of the castle was destroyed in the 1891 Great Nobi earthquake, which left only the main part of the castle standing. In 1895, the government returned the castle to the Naruse, under the condition that the family repair and maintain the castle. The family agreed and today Inuyama castle is the only privately own castle in Japan.

**(3)** Matsumoto is second largest city in the Nagano Prefecture, a landlocked prefecture in the center of the island of Honshu, belonging to the Chubu Region, also known as the Tokai Region, the southern part of Japan.

**(4)** I couldn't resist this scene…it's from the first episode and first couple chapters in Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicles, when Syaoran came home and Sakura came over to greet him. I changed it a bit, but the main things are there…haha.

**(5)** Damare: Shut up!

Pick a character! Allen, Linali, or Lavi.


	14. Alias

**(A/N):** OMG! I'm sooo sorry for the super lateness of this chapter...I really am! -hides- I didnt think AP testing and SAT2s and all those tests and crap could honestly stress me out that much and take so much time...I'm sorry! -bows- Buuuttt this is the longest chapter by far, sooo...that makes up for things, right? At least a little? -hopeful-

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, cuz Hoshino-san cant be bribed with anything...poo

* * *

What Once Was  
14th Night: Alias

Lavi stirred, blinking away the blurriness around him. Sitting up, he felt the cold, uneven dirt and stone floor first. Wait, what? He knew for sure that the floor of the old temple they were in was nothing like this, so then why did he feel it now? Looking around him, the redhead found himself in a dreary alleyway, small puffs of mist hovering just above the ground like ghosts. _"Where…?"_ For a while, he had to blindly grope his way along the ally, hoping for anything that could possibly help him see in this darkness. Finally, as if hearing his silent plea, the clouds overhead parted and allowed the brightness of the full moon to shine along the seemingly deserted town.

And along with the rolling of the clouds, a scream pierced the sky.

Lavi's visible eye widened before he took off, heading to where the scream came from, not noticing the fact that he himself could barely be seen. As soon as he exited the ally, a woman ran past him, her long flame-red hair flowing behind her. It was only for a moment, but he was sure she was carrying something. No, someone.

It was a boy, he was sure, with hair as red as the woman carrying him.

As soon as they passed, they left, as if they never saw the Bookman Apprentice. Lavi didn't have time to register who they really were before a blur sped past him. He cursed once before giving chase to the level one Akuma.

XxX

She ran as fast as her legs could carry her, despite the burning pain in her side, not really knowing where she was going. She could hear the monster coming closer and closer, and at the same time, could hear the boy in her arms whimpering. "Shh," she tried to soothe him, "Don't worry, it won't get you, okay? Don't be afraid…"

"But, Mom! That thing, it…it killed sis! It's coming after us 'cause I made it mad! Just put me down and run, I'll distract it!"

"No!"

The woman held her son tighter against her and turned a sharp corner in an effort to lose the monster. It didn't work. The machine looking contraption was right behind her, destroying several buildings in its way. Several times, she nearly tripped, but continued to run, if only for the boy in her arms. He whimpered, argued, and begged, but she would not let him go. Not to his certain death.

XxX

Lavi growled and muttered a few curses under his breath as he ran. Why was he seeing this? He vaguely remembered this ally, that woman. He gritted his teeth and he knew. He knew he was going to watch her die.

Again.

XxX

"Mom!" the boy cried as his mother tripped against an unseen object, obscured in the blanket of darkness. "Mom, are you okay? Mom, get up, come on!" It was then that he tried to help her up, but winced as a cracking sound pierced through the night, accompanied by a cry of pain.

Slowly, as if purposely creating an ominous aura of suspense and anger, the clouds moved overhead, revealing the ball of light that was the moon. "K-Kai…you have to run." The little boy shook his head violently, his fiery red locks swaying to and fro. His panic began to rise as his mother simply smiled at him and shakily sat up. "I can feel it…my leg's broken. I can't run anymore…so you have to."

"No! I'm not leaving you behind..!"

"Kai! Now is not the time to argue--run! The Akuma is coming, you have to get out of here!"

Kai blinked, causing the tears that were collecting in his eyes to fall down his pale face. "A-Akuma…?"

Everything happened so fast. At first, he couldn't comprehend it, not entirely. It would be days, weeks, months no, years even, to fully grasp what happened and accept it.

His mother's kind, gentle, loving smile.

The crash, the building near them crumbled, and collapsed.

Her tearful eyes as she pushed him away.

Darkness, as it covered his form.

His cries as he watched all that happened.

The turning of the Akuma, and its minute mask of a face smirking.

The rounds of bullets, as they sped towards his mother, cutting through the air like a knife.

Her shining emerald orbs and small smile as she took one last look at him.

"I love you, don't ever forget that."

XxX

"_I haven't…"_

For a brief second, the Bookman Apprentice wished that the Akuma that had taken his mother's life had also taken his. That way, he would've been with her, even now. But then again, if it did, he would never have met the old man, never decided to become a Bookman, never met those in the Order, and never met Karen.

Gritting his teeth, he clenched his hands into fists, any harder and his nails would've brought out blood. But right now, he didn't care. Why was he seeing this? Of course, he remembered all of this, but that didn't mean that he needed to see his own mother killed, again, right before his eyes. Sure he had done some pretty low and awful things in his short life, but did he really do anything to deserve this?

Lavi watched as the Akuma turned and looked around, searching for what he knew was his former self. He knew it wouldn't find him, though. If it did, he wouldn't be standing here right now. But then again, why was he standing around here? He had to find everyone, but he didn't know where to start. He was in the exact replica of his past. Everything was as he remembered it, not a thing was out of place. Nothing, except for that small, white rabbit.

At first, he thought he was seeing things but after staring at the tiny creature and blinking his eyes a few times, without the rabbit disappearing, he knew that it was there, for sure. He blinked as the rabbit turned to him and seemed to smile at him. That was it, he was losing it. But before he could even have another thought about it, a crash diverted his attention. He looked around him once more but realized that he was no longer in the dark, bloody area where he just was a few moments before.

He was in a fairly small kitchen, dark mahogany cabinets lined the shelves, each weathered over the years in which they were used, a small sink, dirty plates covering most of the sink, and dozens upon dozens of empty or nearly empty bottles of beer, wine, champagne, and other alcoholic beverages that did not need a name, covering the countertop. In the center of the room, he saw himself and a man, who looked to be in his late thirties, maybe early forties. He had short, auburn hair and dark, green eyes, almost to the point of being black. His clothes were a mess and a half empty beer bottle was swaying in his hand, his other was formed into a fist.

"It's all-hic-your fault! You little-hic-If it wasn't for you…Rose would still be here! -hic- and your sister-hic-Kae…why didn't you die instead!?"

"B-but, Papa…"

A hit, a crash.

Lavi winced as he watched, his own hands forming themselves into fists. It wasn't his fault, he knew that. It wasn't him who had called the Akuma and chased after them.

Jacob growled slightly and hit his son once more, not caring that he crashed into the empty bottles and gaining cuts all over his small frame. "It's your fault!"

It had been two days since Rose's death, and two days since Kai had gotten away and returned home. However, instead of a father's welcoming embrace, the first thing Jacob had done was hit his son. He never liked him in the first place, why was he the only one to survive? Why not his obedient daughter, or his wonderful wife? No, it had to be the person that he resented so much.

The stress, the hurt, the loss, everything was becoming too much for him, but he didn't even bother considering what the young redhead was feeling. Grabbing a knife from the messy countertop, he sauntered over to the boy's small form and lifted it over his head.

Emerald orbs widened and a whimper escaped his lips. "P-Papa? What are you…Daddy, what are you doing?" It wasn't his fault his father disliked him so much, he never knew why in the first place. He had tried so hard, ever since he was younger, to please his father, to no avail. Why did he hate him so much? "Papa, please…"

"Shut up, you little-hic-! Rose and Kae would've still been here if they weren't -hic- protecting your sorry little ass!" And with a cry, he thrust the knife downwards, into Kai's right eye.

Kai had been hurt plenty of times in the past, but none of it hurt as much as this; both emotionally, and physically. An agonized scream escaped his throat and he tried to back away, if only to try and pull the knife out of his eye, but it only resulted in the blasted stiletto being driven deeper in.

After for what seemed like an eternity for him, the knife was finally pulled out, but not at all carefully, or gently. Jacob hovered over him like a hawk, his eyes seeming to radiate hate. He looked as if he was going to drive the object into Kai's eye once more, but as soon as that thought came to the young boy's mind, his father's eyes widened, just a bit, and he backed away slightly, horror somewhat apparent on his face.

"What…Kai…" he whispered and looked at his son, who started to back away from his father. "What have I done…" Jacob whimpered, then smiled albeit sadly. "Goodbye.." and with that, he lifted his gaze toward the ceiling, as if he was searching for something, and thrust the already bloodied knife into his own heart. _"I'm…sorry…"_

There was nothing he could do but watch as his father took his own life. Why did he have to do that? Yes, he was abusive, mean, and a drunkard, but he was still his father. He depended on him, he needed him. Even after all that Jacob had said and done, Kai still loved him.

But now, he was alone. Alone in this harsh world. And only seven years old.

"_Damn it!"_ Lavi yelled, his fist colliding with the wall closest to him. It didn't matter if he wasn't supposed to have any emotions, no connection to anything or anyone of this world. _"Come out here and fight, you coward!"_ He was trained to cut all connections to his family, his friends, to everything, and here was someone who was trying to make the male lose whatever sanity he had left. He didn't need to see the past he had tried so desperately to forget, yet here it was, staring up at him in the face. The pain, the loneliness, everything that had hit him so hard, too fast, everything he suppressed for the sake of becoming a Bookman, resurfaced with new vigor, as if it was angry at its host for keeping it at bay.

And the redhead couldn't stop it from leaking out.

"_Come out!"_ he yelled onto the now misty-filled area of darkness, nothing remaining of his destroyed home, nothing that even remotely reminded him of his past. Nothing that usually would, anyway.

But now, anything he laid his emerald orb upon, he could see a bit of what his life used to be, even if all he laid his eyes upon was nothing but darkness; for his past, his childhood, was mainly that: darkness. Nothing but the cold harshness of the world that housed no loving shoulder to cry upon, nor a caring smile to cease all worries, and not a loving heart to care for a wounded child.

His fingers found themselves onto his fiery flames, his green headband slipping away. _"I don't…need to see this…"_ He could feel something in the back of his eyes, though he knew not what they were, forcing himself to believe that he could no longer cry, that he no longer had any feelings in order _to_ cry.

He had no heart, after all.

"_You're funny. I like you."_

Lavi's head snapped up, his glaring gaze happening upon anything that could be the source of the voice. It was there, almost right in front of him, that a lone rabbit stood on its hind legs, an unnatural smile on its face. It crouched and hopped over to the exorcist.

Bewildered, his anger forgotten for the time being, Lavi could only stare at the small creature, noticing now that it was partly see-through, just as he was.

Again, that inhuman smile was upon the rabbit's face, its small piercing eyes drilling holes onto the redhead. Eyes as clear and bright as a cloudless sky, though it was because of those seemingly innocent orbs that made it clear to him: this rabbit was a danger to him. To him, and to the mission.

"_Who--what the hell are you?!"_ Lavi demanded, glaring at the creature in front of him. A part of him felt foolish, feeling fear for such a small thing, but another part, a part that was stronger, kept telling him, over and over, to be wary of it.

That smile seemed to widen at the redhead's actions, a malignant glint shining within its depths. _"Silly Bookman."_

And immediately, scenes flashed toward the redhead, all seemingly coming from the small creature. Scenes of a small, crying, boy, walking aimlessly down crowded streets, his right eye covered by a mass of his too red hair. Scenes of faceless people who seemed to not even notice the boy, and upon the few who did, merely glanced or glared at him, nothing more. Scenes of rainstorms and cold nights out upon the deserted streets, a little body shivering in the dead of night.

The next thing Lavi knew, he was in an ally, the rabbit, and the scenes, gone.

"There once was a little boy who loved to tell stories--"

He turned his head, looking for the source of the voice; he knew it. He sped down the ally, heading toward the bright afternoon light of the crowded streets and business.

"--he would talk about adventures of knights and dragons, and had an imagination as big as the sky--"

Lavi could hear himself repeating the words under his breath. After all, he had known this story for as long as he could remember, especially because it was made for him by someone who he would never see again.

"--he had a kind heart and the biggest smile, all who heard his stories would listen and ignore everything else--"

He never knew an ally could ever be so long, and he was panting slightly by the time the road opened up to him. Lifting his arm to block the bright sunlight, he heard the small voice.

"--he used to tell stories to his older sister, but not anymore. He used to tell stories to his mom, but not anymore. Now he just tells stories to anyone whose gonna listen. Is anyone gonna listen to a story of a knight and princess?"

He was suddenly so hesitant to look. Why did he even want to find the small voice so quickly, if he knew who it belonged to? Clenching his fists, he looked up from the dirt ground and looked toward the small group of children sitting around a stacked pile of boxes, a single figure on top. He was small, probably eight or nine, with wild red hair and ragged clothes. He looked frail; it didn't look like he hadn't eaten anything decent for a while now.

Lavi watched, barely listening to the story weaving forth from the boy's mouth. He could feel himself truly becoming a Bookman, simply watching to record and do nothing to help who or what he saw, no matter what is going on. But a little part of him wanted to go over and reach out toward the boy, to pull him into an embrace that he had long been deprived of. He knew, however, that he couldn't; this was his own past, after all.

"Hey, good job, kid," a man told him, preparing to close down his shop. "You gonna be around here tomorrow?"

The young boy grinned slightly at him, though that smile no longer reached his eyes, "Of course!"

"Here," and the man threw a bag toward the boy, who promptly caught it. "You managed to keep a whole gang of those kids from running around today. Got lots of sales done, you earned it."

The redhead blinked then looked into the bag, to see that a few products had been thrown in there: some bread, fruits, and even some candy. He looked up and smiled once more before bowing slightly. "Thank you."

"Yeah, yeah," the man waved his hand as if it were no big deal, "Go on an' get some rest. Come back tomorrow if ya like."

"I will." And with that, the boy turned and walked down the street. Only when he was sure he could no longer be seen, he retreated into the nearest ally and, immediately upon sitting down, started ravishing through the bag of food. It had been a good while since he had eaten something fresh, and his stomach had almost started eating itself if not for this. For a moment he thought that, if there really was a God, that he was watching over him now. But as soon as that thought came, so did another one. If there really was a God, then why did he allow what happened to him to happen?

Kai managed to stop himself from devouring the entire bag of food and carefully placed what was left within the pocket of his jacket. It was old and worn out but it still worked fine. How long had it been, since he lived this way? A couple weeks? A few months? He sighed, already knowing that it had been past a year. A year since his life had changed, and that he had been reduced to nothing but a little boy on the streets with nothing but the clothes on his back, and a single stuffed animal.

It was a silly thing, if one were to first take a glance at it. It was dirty and raggedy, but it still seemed fairly new, though it looked like it would be fitting for a little girl more than for a little boy. Still, he didn't care. It was the only thing that he kept from his home, the only true remembrance of his beloved sister and caring mother. The rabbit that his mother had sewn by hand for his sister's ninth birthday.

She had barely turned nine when she was killed.

At the thought of the memory, the boy shut his eyes and clamped his hands over his ears, as if to block the sounds and visions of the night that would plague him for many years. He knew he was being cowardly, but he couldn't help it, it wasn't like there was anything he could do to change or help anything. He was only a child in a cold, harsh world, with no one to call family, and nothing that would even be considered to be worth selling, even if his precious bunny really had any other worth other than sentimental value. Even if it did, however, he would never sell it.

After all, even his sister had told him, _"I'll give this bunny to you if you really want it, Kai, okay?"_ He took the small toy out from the protective covering of his jacket and stared at it, recalling his beloved sister's face. The way her dark eyes always shined in the light, her long auburn hair swayed in the breeze, and that kind smile that was always there for him. "Kae…" he whispered and held the bunny close to him.

It was then that he decided.

It didn't matter if the rabbit was gone(though of course he would try to keep it for as long as possible), he would never forget the life he had back then, his sister, his mother, and even his father. Before he knew it, night had fallen and sleep overtook him.

xxx

Lavi closed his eyes, barely listening as the sounds of the night blew past him, as if on fast forward. He felt the warm rays of the sun as it rose and brought another day, heard the quickened sounds of town life as the days sped by and barely a few moments later, felt the heat of the sun's rays slowly disappearing into the horizon, only to repeat the process over and over again.

An emerald jewel slowly opened itself onto the world, and saw that everything had returned to its normal pace, the horses tapping by, pulling carriages along, children running here and there and their mothers yelling at them not to stray too far away, the cries of the sellers as they tried to get the attentions of customers, but the one thing the redhead heard the most the voice of a boy. The same boy who he swore he would never see again.

His past self. His original self.

The part of himself that was supposed to have been sealed away and never to see the light of day again. Lavi's original identity: the one who never existed, sat in front of him, telling stories those who would listen, namely the younger children, earning his meager pay in food to survive.

xxx

"You brat!"

All heads turned to the source of the voice: a middle-aged man came through the crowded streets, chasing after a small child carrying what seemed to be a bag of food in his arms. "Come back here!" the man hollered, closing in on the boy. Both the child and the adult ran past the group of children that were listening to their story-teller but soon those children got up and ran to catch up to the adult. They thought it was a game of tag, and so each and every child soon gave chase. All except one.

The one who had been telling the stories to the children in the first place. His single emerald eye watched the scene but not moving from his spot. He knew he should help the kid, or at least the adult, but he didn't. He merely watched.

"He's gonna get caught, he knows it…why bother trying to run away?" he murmured.

And that was when he met Bookman.

xxx

Lavi watched on as his former self and his mentor got acquainted. He watched as Bookman talked to him, quizzed him, anything that could prove to the old man that he was worthy to become his apprentice. Back then, he thought nothing of the questions, and only answered them to humor the old man that bothered to speak to him. He soon found out though, that that was not the case.

The redhead sighed before a miniscule laugh caught his attention. He turned his head, only to meet the inhuman gaze of that infurious rabbit from before. _"You…"_ he growled but only received a laugh as a response.

"_Why are you so annoyed with your past, Bookman?"_

"_Shut up."_

"_It's not like you can forget."_

"_I told you to shut up!"_

The apparition--he was sure that's what it was--smiled its human-like smile and laughed, the sound reverberating throughout the now empty area around them. _"Silly."_ And it faded away, along with everything else.

xxx

"The Black Order? What's that?"

"When are you going to get rid of that rabbit?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"I'm not obligated to."

"But Panda-jiji--"

_Smack!_

The Bookman Apprentice didn't even need to call his mentor the annoying nickname he gave him before he got kicked. He was nearly eleven years old, he didn't need to be kicked around!

"What was that for!?"

"Quiet. You're to be called Junior until we reach England, understand?"

Junior sat up, all traces of silliness erased from his pale face and instead a calm façade sat in its place. "Of course. Now will you tell me what this place is?"

Bookman merely turned and started walking, choosing to ignore his apprentice's question, once again. Junior sighed and followed his mentor into town.

It was just a small town, deep in the heart of Russia, snow burying the once graveled roads and rooftops seemed to almost bend at the weight of the white powder. They hadn't even been there a few hours when a loud sneeze echoed throughout the street. People turned to see the boy stumbling to keep himself upright, rubbing his nose.

"Uh…I'm okay!" he called out, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment. Onlookers laughed, shaking their heads, and returning to whatever they were doing. Junior sniffed, rubbing his nose. "Geez…I think I'm getting a--" Another sneeze.

Bookman sighed, grumbling to himself before walking away, the redhead following at his heels, occasionally sneezing and nearly falling back onto the freezing snow. Junior sniffed once more and he remembered why he had complained so much about coming to Russia. It was always so damn cold.

And the cold weather usually brought about…well, colds.

When they arrived at the hotel, Junior was already starting to get a fever. Why oh why did he have to get sick now, of all times? He made a mental note never to come to a freezing country right after coming from a warm, almost tropical one. As soon as they arrived in their two bed room, Junior collapsed on the nearest bed, cursing the cold in as many languages as he knew. Which, of course, was a lot.

He heard Bookman sigh at his antics, but he didn't care. He didn't get sick often, but when he did, he was never in the best of moods. "You'll have to stay here, I suppose. Just don't get into trouble." Junior almost snorted at that. How was he supposed to cause 'trouble' when he was stuck in bed with a who -knows-how-high fever? "I have to meet someone." That caught his attention.

"Who?" Junior turned his head, just enough to see his mentor through his mess of red hair. "Your girlfriend?"

Bookman glared. It didn't matter to him whether or not the pup was sick or not, he would still kick some sense into him. And Junior knew that, too. "No, you idiot. One of the generals of the Order." Without saying anything more, he turned around and closed the door, leaving his sick apprentice to fend for himself.

xxx

Voices. One…two…maybe three. But he couldn't tell whose they were, everything was so muffled, his brain not registering any of the vibrations that passed through his ear.

A single emerald orb revealed itself onto the world, its potential shine and beauty masked by dulled indifference. The young boy glanced around him; there was no one in the room other than himself, and he knew for a fact there were no neighbors on either side of the room. He stood up, wobbling slightly, and headed for the door, peering out into the hallway. No one was there, it was completely deserted.

'_Great,'_ Junior thought to himself, scowling. _'I'm hearing voices in my head.'_ He didn't know exactly how long he had been asleep. Long enough, that was for sure. Going back into the room to grab his coat, he knew he probably shouldn't be going outside, especially when he was sick. But then he realized he didn't care, he was bored, and he could walk, more or less. He was fine! And with that thought in mind, the redhead put his boots on his feet and walked out the door and out the inn, right into the snowy streets of Russia.

Oh how he hated himself now. His hands were freezing, his teeth wouldn't stop chattering, and he couldn't feel his feet anymore, much less his toes. He felt like an idiot. And he should, too, especially since he, of all people, was lost. Well not necessarily _lost_, per se, more like confused. Of course, he already knew the entire layout of the town by heart, every turn, every corner, he even know how many turns he had taken since leaving the inn. But there was one problems: nearly every street layout for more than half the town was the same. They only way to tell each street apart was by the sign, which would have been easy enough, if not for the mounds upon mounds of snow that covered the signs. Junior swore the higher beings above hated him. Not like he wasn't used to it by now.

He wandered aimlessly for a while, not knowing exactly where he was going, the only thought going through his head was to keep going; motion meant warmth, and warmth meant staying alive.

Alive.

He stopped, frowning. If he died here, would anyone really care? Probably Bookman, but only because he was his apprentice. Bookman would have lost his _apprentice_, not Junior himself. Bookman would only be displeased because he would have to find another apprentice to succeed him. He would have forgotten about the lonesome figure standing alone in the cold.

He had always known he was destined to be alone, even when he was with his family. Family, hah. What a pitiful concept. Family was something that humans cherished. And humans also cherished war and fighting and bloodshed. How could two polar opposites both be important to something? Such was the way humans were. And how pitiful the human race was.

They were all stubborn, naïve, hopeless, and never learned. All throughout history wars have been fought, lives were lost, and what did that accomplish? Peace? Perhaps. But only for a short while. Humans are a pitiful, stupid race, and Junior knew that all too well. Humans were selfish, humans did nothing but look out for themselves, and humans…

How ironic it is for such a young child to understand the cruelties of men and nations even when adults couldn't fathom the idea of humans ever being anything more than kind, respectful beings.

Before he knew it, Junior found himself leaning against the wall of a building; he didn't care much to bother looking at the sign. Despite the persona that he had been given, along with this new name, he still couldn't grasp the thought of being 'happy.'

"Junior" was the youngest grandson of "Alden**(1)**" and the two of them were traveling through Russia in order to get to Poland, where Junior's parents resided. Junior had stayed with Alden for a few years, to give his parents time to economically stable themselves. Since he was their youngest, he was their most eccentric, bubbly, and the didn't-care-too-much-for-work type. That was "Junior."

But that was not him. "Junior" was a happy person, constantly smiling and laughing. But _he_ was not. He found long ago that he could no longer sustain a smile, a genuine, meaningful smile. Whenever he had tried to smile, he felt awkward, and whenever he saw himself trying again, in front of a mirror, that smile would always look forced, strained, weird. He stopped trying to smile when his persona never called for it. But this Junior was possibly his first eccentric persona, and so far, he hated it.

Hatred. An emotion. Something that he isn't supposed to have.

He could feel his single eye starting to droop, sleep starting to take his small form. It was so inviting, the darkness, it was lulling him to a comfortable slumber, where everything that he once dreamed of lay, where nothing of the harsh reality of the world could reach him. But before he passed out, he saw a pair of boots coming towards him and he lifted his gaze, only slightly, to see the form of a child, possibly younger than himself, and the bluest eyes he had ever seen.

Then came the darkness.

xxx

Lavi didn't move from his spot, even as his 'memories' started to fade back into the ghostly fog. He remembered those thoughts he had, he still believed them, even if now, he wasn't so adamant in his belief about humanity. Maybe…maybe not all humans were like that.

Already, he could hear a part of himself laughing at the very mention of the absurdity of the idea. The Bookman Apprentice closed his eyes, and tried to block out the laughter, his former self. Why was "Lavi" so different? Why was the 49th alias so much different than any of the others? Even he didn't know the answer.

Opening them once more, he took in the remaining images of his past, and realized that the very last thing he had seen that day, before passing out, were those blue eyes. Those striking azure orbs that seemed so similar to his own emerald ones. They were filled with defiance, anger, confusion, and sadness, all masked behind a wall. Almost like a Bookman's eyes would be. He nearly laughed at that; those were the way _his_ eye was supposed to be, not showing all the emotions that seemed to build up in his chest whenever he was with his friends, with Karen.

Karen.

The redhead cursed himself for being so engrossed within the past. Where was Karen? Everyone? Hell, where was _he_? He could only growl in annoyance as that…that _rabbit_ bounded across his line of vision, opening another field of memories to appear before him.

xxx

The next the child awoke, he was in a bed. A warm, comfortable bed. He wanted to close his eye and drift back to that dreamless slumber. But you can't always have what you want. Especially when the first thing you lay your sights upon were the very things that you last saw before you passed out.

Junior blinked sleep away, curious as to who the newcomer was. That, and who else was in the room accompanying them. One was Bookman, he could already tell, but the other, he didn't know. It was a female, that was all he knew.

"General, he's awake."

The boy turned his attention to the speaker. She was the one who had the blue eyes. And she had a pretty voice. Maybe she sang? Probably not.

She was young, probably younger than himself even, though the expression on her face told otherwise. She…was a lot like though, though how he came to that conclusion he had no idea.

"I'm glad to see you're alright."

Junior turned to the owner of the voice and blinked. He was right about the other being female, and she was a pretty one at that, he had to admit, even though the majority of her blonde locks obscured the left side of her face from being seen, the rest of her hair pulled up into a messy, yet somehow elegant, bun. Her attire was strange, it was entire black, adored with linings of gold, and a golden rose cross embroidered on the front. What was even stranger was the fact that she had a monkey on her shoulder. Without a leash!

"You had us worried, you know," she told him. Junior almost snorted at that, but managed to restrain it and instead scratched the his cheek, smiling sheepishly. He couldn't find his voice.

The general chuckled before returning to her conversation with Bookman. That left him more or less alone with the girl with bright blue eyes. Not that he cared, but he was wondering how her eyes were like that. He had never seen any fair, almost pale-skinned, dark haired girl with eyes as bright, even if seeming dulled, as hers. In fact, he didn't think he ever met someone like her at all.

"You can stop staring, you know." Her voice caught him off guard; he didn't realize he was staring. He smiled sheepishly again, and instead closed his eyes and tried to sleep. Tried to.

His fever was rising, that much was a definite. His breathing was ragged, a coat of sweat forming upon his brow. Why was everything so hot? All he could feel was the searing burn that coursed his body, muffed voices meant nothing to him.

The heat only seemed to burn stronger and stronger, he felt like he was going to burn from the inside out. All of a sudden, a cool sensation washed over him, earning an earnest gasp of relief to escape the redhead. With all he could muster, Junior opened his eyes, just barely enough for light to shine through. Everything was blurry at first, the faintest silhouette of someone beside him blending in with the brightness of the light. As everything became clearer, so did the blurred silhouette.

It was the girl from before.

Her piercing blue eyes gazed at him, but at the same time, gazing at nothing. Junior tried to speak again, but found that his voice was still lost to him, eluding him. "Don't try and talk," she told him, "Your fever's still too high." She reached and took the wet cloth off his sweating forehead, taking along with it the coolness that covered him. He whimpered.

"Hold on," he heard her say, splashes of water dripping reaching his ears. Soon, the coldness was back, and he breathed a sigh of relief. It felt good; it staved off the burning sensations that coursed throughout his body.

Once more he tried talking to her, tried to thank her, but still couldn't speak. An emerald orb followed her movements as she stood, dabbing his face with another wet cloth. "Bookman will be back later," she told him, placing the clothes in a bowl of what he presumed to be cold water. 'General Cloud and I will be leaving now. So, this is goodbye."

Junior looked at her, his gaze silently asking, begging her, to stay with him. It wasn't like him to be so clingy, but that was what he felt right now. He wanted someone to stay by his side, he didn't care if that someone was someone he barely knew, someone he didn't know the name of.

But whether or not she saw the plea in his eyes, she didn't acknowledge it. Taking the cloth from his forehead and dipping it into the water again, she placed it back upon his forehead. "It was nice meeting you, I guess…Goodbye, Bookman Junior." She turned, not seeing the older boy's outstretched hand, silently asking her to stay. He didn't want her to leave him alone.

Even as the thought came, the redhead found himself drifting off to sleep, his eye drooping on its own. _'No…please…'_ he thought, gazing after her retreating form, _'Don't leave me alone…'_

Then the darkness came and took his consciousness away.

xxx

By now, Lavi had grown tired of this little game. He knew what was going to happen, why did he have to endure everything all over again? It wasn't fair!

No. Calm down. Losing control was probably what…that rabbit was trying to get him to do. Scowling, the Bookman Apprentice looked around the misty area, trying to find any trace of the small animal before the next image of the past came to haunt him. He took one step then another, and before he knew it, found himself running through the darkness.

'_Kai.'_

Lavi hesitated, but did not stop. He wasn't Kai. Not anymore. Kai has long since been dead. He was the apprentice of bookman, nothing more. He was nothing, no one, just one who recorded the hidden history. Lavi repeated the phrase over and over in his mind like a mantra, ignoring what the voice was saying to him while, at the same time, trying to find the source. It wasn't as easy as one would think.

'_Kai, come on. It's not fun anymore if you don't react.'_

In the distance, the rabbit smiled, pale blue orbs taunting him. All on its own accord, Lavi's body toward the creature, hammer enlarging. With a cry, the redhead swung.

The rabbit blinked and jumped back to avoid the hit. As it moved, its pale brown, almost white, fur disappeared, revealing pale, unblemished skin. It's arms and legs lengthened, its ears shrunk and its smile widened.

When Lavi raised his hammer again, standing before him was no longer a small creature, but a small child, equally as see through as himself, and a ball in her hands. Within the ball the light of innocence shone, the child's cat-like orbs glinting slightly.

"_You!"_ Lavi growled. _"What did you do to everyone?!"_

The child just smiled and laughed, starting to fade away. _"Silly Bookman…"_ And as she faded, light shone through her, growing brighter and brighter. The exorcist had no choice other than to shield his eye(s), the light too bright for him. _"Damn you…"_

xxx

Everything was on fire. Flames licked the curtains, the bed sheets, and his small form. But it wasn't like he could get up and run.

Junior had heard the screams, the destruction. He heard the laughter of machines that once took human form, the rounds of bullets echoing through the entire town. He even more screams as the fires started(thanks to the Akuma) and people being burned alive. He didn't really care. Just like the Bookman he was going to become.

The boy kept his eye closed, nose covered by his blanket, not letting any of the smoke to enter his eye of his nose. It didn't help that his fever hadn't gone down all that much. Yes, it went down, but only slightly, still up to a dangerous degree. At the back of his mind, Junior hoped that Bookman was going to come back and save him, but he knew he probably wouldn't. He was his apprentice for only a few years, Bookman could always find another apprentice to fill his place.

But then again, the old man had never met someone with a mind like his, he remembered him telling him. Not anyone could recite an entire speech perfectly after hearing it only once. Bookman told him that no one else could possibly have this ability, except one who was destined to become Bookman. One of the Bookman Clan.

It didn't matter. He was going to die here, wasn't he? Engulfed in angry flames as bright as his hair. But for some reason, he couldn't find it in himself to try and even run away. Not like anyone would care. He could almost feel himself falling into a deep slumber, the flames that licked his face starting to burn less and less, until the only thing he saw was the blue orbs of the girl whose name he didn't know.

:End 14th Night:

**(1) Alden:** meaning wise one

So...what you think? -sweatdrop- and no, Kai isnt his real name, and i honestly have no idea why he has his eyepatch so..kinda guessed on those parts. heh. I'm sorry the ending was so rushed..and so...bleh. i kinda forced myself to finish this ...hahah. Again, sorry for the loooonnnngggg delay

Does anyone wanna help me with the next chapter? -crosses fingers-


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